I am an inveterate smoker.
I’m still angry about the smoking ban 8 years after it entered the statute book for England. The letter of the law to be implemented was peevish beyond all adult reasoning.
Actually legislating that ‘smoking shelters’ must be engineered specifically to prevent smokers being sheltered from the elements. Resisting every call for business owners to be able to make their own decisions about smoking on their premises, or even to be allowed to provide a ventilated segregated indoor space for smokers.
That every public building must legally carry – even now – a very specific sign indicating that this particular activity is against the law. The way the railway companies were able to demarcate their entire premises – even the outdoors – non-smoking, such that you couldn’t have a fag at the far end of a platform at a remote station that is entirely in the open air.
It’s with glee that I read every year that the pub trade has been decimated again, thanks greatly to the brewers, owners and CAMRA who all acted like idiot lickspittles, bedevilled by denial of what was about to hit them like a steam train.
I think all those who endorsed the smoking ban then, and those who endorse it today, are massive despicable cunts. Which is mild and non-committal compared to how I felt – and still feel – about those who brought this into law.
But strangely, I don’t feel in the slightest bit upset about the latest ratcheting up of this law. Today, MPs voted themselves the right to make it illegal to smoke in a vehicle that contains children.
In fact, I’ve been chuckling about it for weeks. I’m not glad the MPs finally voted in the affirmative, but now they have I’m grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
Well for a start, I don’t have children. In the 20+ years of my driving career, I think I’ve had someone’s kids in my car about twice, and I hated every minute of it. Put your seatbelt on, sit down, and fucking shut up you little bastards. So it doesn’t affect me.
Secondly, it’s just absurd isn’t it? How can it possibly be enforced? Does it apply to convertible cars with the roof down? How about sunroofs? How about cars with blacked out rear windows and an absence of ‘princess on board’ pendants? A law that cannot be enforced is at best pointless, and at worst a lever for all kinds of arbitrary and random enforcement by our nation’s burgeoning army of shiny jacketed simian enforcement mongs, and the serried ranks of pucker-faced citizen informers with their welfare-funded iPhones. Again, however, it doesn’t affect me.
Thirdly, buses, vans, lorries, taxis and an increasing proportion of cars are diesel powered. Diesel engines produce massively carcinogenic soot particles in the 10-100 micron range, which get breathed in by children in cars that are behind said vehicles, where their parents aren’t smoking. Still, doesn’t affect me.
I think I’m just smiling because for once the government have done something cuntish – which they do frequently – that doesn’t affect me. I’m not laughing at you so much as I’m elated with relief that for once I don’t have to take the big rusty unlubed cock of government up my arse. It’s someone else’s turn.
So, forgive me but.. Hahahahahahaaa fuck YOU for a change.
The child benefit changes made me smile too. Perhaps the tide is turning against this mindless vomit-inducing vote-chasing veneration of hard-working families, most of whom should probably have been sterilised in the first place.
Anyway, off to Malta for a month, nice and cheap, before you plebs are allowed to take your children away on holiday and the prices all quadruple.