A politician who thoroughly deserves praise. I could almost vote for this man.


Every prime minister has the right to choose his team to take Britain into the general election and I am confident that my able successor at Defra, Liz Truss, will do an excellent job. It has been a privilege to take on the challenges of the rural economy and environment. However, I leave the post with great misgivings about the power and irresponsibility of – to coin a phrase – the Green Blob.

By this I mean the mutually supportive network of environmental pressure groups, renewable energy companies and some public officials who keep each other well supplied with lavish funds, scare stories and green tape. This tangled triangle of unelected busybodies claims to have the interests of the planet and the countryside at heart, but it is increasingly clear that it is focusing on the wrong issues and doing real harm while profiting handsomely.

Local conservationists on the ground do wonderful work to protect and improve wild landscapes, as do farmers, rural businesses and ordinary people. They are a world away from the highly paid globe-trotters of the Green Blob who besieged me with their self-serving demands, many of which would have harmed the natural environment.

I soon realised that the greens and their industrial and bureaucratic allies are used to getting things their own way. I received more death threats in a few months at Defra than I ever did as secretary of state for Northern Ireland. My home address was circulated worldwide with an incitement to trash it; I was burnt in effigy by Greenpeace as I was recovering from an operation to save my eyesight. But I did not set out to be popular with lobbyists and I never forgot that they were not the people I was elected to serve.

Indeed, I am proud that my departure was greeted with such gloating by spokespeople for the Green Party and Friends of the Earth.

It was not my job to do the bidding of two organisations that are little more than anti-capitalist agitprop groups most of whose leaders could not tell a snakeshead fritillary from a silver-washed fritillary. I saw my task as improving both the environment and the rural economy; many in the green movement believed in neither.

Their goal was to enhance their own income streams and influence by myth making and lobbying. Would they have been as determined to blacken my name if I was not challenging them rather effectively?

When I arrived at Defra I found a department that had become under successive Labour governments a milch cow for the Green Blob.

Just as Michael Gove set out to refocus education policy on the needs of children rather than teachers and bureaucrats and Iain Duncan Smith set out to empower the most vulnerable, so I began to reorganise the department around four priorities: to grow the rural economy, to improve the environment, and to safeguard both plant and animal health.

The Green Blob sprouts especially vigorously in Brussels. The European Commission website reveals that a staggering 150 million euros (£119 million) was paid to the top nine green NGOs from 2007-13.

European Union officials give generous grants to green groups so that they will lobby it for regulations that then require large budgets to enforce. When I attended a council meeting of elected EU ministers on shale gas in Lithuania last year, we were lectured by a man using largely untrue clichés about the dangers of shale gas. We discovered that he was from the European Environment Bureau, an umbrella group for unelected, taxpayer-subsidised green lobby groups. Speaking of Europe, I remain proud to have achieved some renegotiations.

The discard ban ends the scandalous practice of throwing away perfectly edible fish, we broke the council deadlock on GM crops, so decisions may be repatriated to member countries and we headed off bans on fracking. Judge me by my opponents.

When I proposed a solution to the dreadful suffering of cattle, badgers and farmers as a result of the bovine tuberculosis epidemic that Labour allowed to develop, I was opposed by rich pop stars who had never been faced with having to cull a pregnant heifer. (Interestingly, very recent local evidence suggests the decline in TB in the cull area may already have begun.)

When I spoke up for the landscapes of this beautiful country against the heavily subsidised industry that wants to spoil them with wind turbines at vast cost to ordinary people, vast reward to rich landowners and undetectable effects on carbon dioxide emissions, I was frustrated by colleagues from the so-called Liberal Democrat Party.

When I encouraged the search for affordable energy from shale gas to help grow the rural economy and lift people out of fuel poverty, I was opposed by a dress designer for whom energy bills are trivial concerns.

When I championed brilliant scientists demonstrating genetic modifications to rice to save the lives of hundreds of thousands of children in developing countries, I was vilified by a luxury organic chocolate tycoon uninterested in the demonstrable environmental and humanitarian benefits of GM crops.

When faced with the flooding of the Somerset Levels I refused to make the popular and false excuse of blaming it on global warming, but set out to reverse the policy inherited from a Labour peeress and serial quangocrat who had expressed the wish to “place a limpet mine on every pumping station”, while deliberately allowing the silting up of drainage channels.

When I set out to shatter the crippling orthodoxy that growing the rural economy and improving the environment are mutually exclusive, I was ridiculed by a public school journalist who thinks the solution to environmental problems is “an ordered and structured downsizing of the global economy”. Back to the Stone Age, in other words, but Glastonbury-style.

Yes, I’ve annoyed these people, but they don’t represent the real countryside of farmers and workers, of birds and butterflies.

Like the nationalised industries and obstructive trade unions of the 1970s, the Green Blob has become a powerful self-serving caucus; it is the job of the elected politician to stand up to them. We must have the courage to tackle it head on, as Tony Abbott in Australia and Stephen Harper in Canada have done, or the economy and the environment will both continue to suffer.

* Owen Paterson is a former secretary of state for environment, food and rural affairs.

Stick that up yer hoop, envirotards.


Warning: This heat is hot. Do not touch the hot heat.

It’s going to be a little bit warm, and none of us are going to know what to do.

It’s time that these idiots who treat us all like children were told to fuck off and die.


Yes, because none of us have ever experienced hot weather.

Public health officials said they were particularly concerned about Muslims fasting for Ramadan.

Not even the Muslims who fast every year, and every year encounter some sort of challenging circumstances in the course of doing so. I don’t suppose the Muslims who’ve actually moved from a sand-swept middle eastern hotspot should be lulled into thinking that Summer in Britain is benign either. Some things can only be tackled by a bunch of pallid, grey, nanny state fuckwits.

People in the South East, East and Midlands have been told to keep out of the sun between 11am and 3pm.

Or else?

They are also advised to turn off non-essential lights and electrical equipment, to avoid generating excess heat, and wear a hat or light scarf if venturing outdoors. Public Health England said people should keep curtains closed, move to a cooler room to sleep, and should eat salad, drink plenty of water and avoid extreme physical exertion.


What the actual fuck is ‘Public Health England’? And why have those peopling this superfluous crock of shit not been dragged out into the street and shot?

Health officials said their warnings should not be taken lightly.

Well, they would say that wouldn’t they? Otherwise, the aforementioned dragging out and shooting would be the only thing for them.

Cllr Katie Hall, chairman of the Local Government Association’s community wellbeing board, said: “The hundreds of deaths caused by extreme heat each year are avoidable. Councils are determined to reduce the toll as much as possible.”

Listen, Cllr Katie Hall. Why don’t you shuffle off and mind your own fucking business, eh? And take the rest of your power-grabbing socialist LGA chums with you.





The big, grey, depressed elephant in the room

Setting to one side for a moment the stone cold fact that the Telegraph has turned into one massive trolling machine, what goes unspoken in the following article is worth saying:


It’s not difficult to know where to begin with this one…

It’s the same trick as with the ‘bedroom tax’: penalise people on society’s bottom rung for not availing themselves of something that is not available.

People can’t downsize their housing-benefit funded rental properties, because there are nowhere near enough 1 & 2 bedroom properties for the people who are required by the state to move into them. Accordingly, thousands find themselves perversely penalised for failing to do the impossible.

Now people who fail to undertake treatment for mental health problems face being penalised for not availing themselves of non-existent mental health services within the NHS.

The Tories are clearly their own worst enemy. Sure, they have a few good ideas (for a bunch of toffee-nosed, authoritarian bastards), particularly regarding the actual way economics works, but really? Putting the most vulnerable people in a no win situation so they can say they’re being tough on welfare dependency?

Fucking idiots. Evil, stupid, spiteful idiots.

More curiously still, it is a Lib Dem who speaks some sense.

Norman Lamb, the Lib Dem health minister, said mandating mental health treatment for benefit claimants would not work and was "not a sensible idea".

"The idea that you frogmarch someone into therapy with the threat of a loss of benefits simply won’t work," he said. "It is not a question of whether tough love is a good concept.

"You actually need someone to go into therapy willingly."

And that is a completely valid point. It would be the key point were it not for the fact that mental health services within the NHS are completely inadequate.



People who got suspended prison sentences:

Michelle Coleman, aged 62, from Brentwood, Essex pleaded guilty to three counts of money laundering. The total laundered sum was £252,425 of which £158,000 was retained by Ms Coleman personally.

Following her plea, the defendant was sentenced to 21 months imprisonment, to be suspended for two years.

The deputy manager of a doctors’ surgery who faked prescriptions to get painkillers for herself has been given a suspended prison sentence.

Woodhead, 48, of Meadow View, East Coker, was given an eight-week sentence suspended for two years.

Judge Michael Parroy told her she indulged in a course of action over a period of time which had "serious consequences" for the practice, her colleagues and herself.

She was also given a two-year probation order and ordered to pay back the £190 cost of the 3,816 tablets.

A public relations adviser has been handed a suspended jail term of 15 months after being found guilty of a £93,000 tax fraud.

Richard Hillgrove, 42, of Somerton, Somerset, had denied cheating the public revenue over a 12-month period.

Andre Campbell, 23, was found guilty of a charge of handling stolen goods after exchanging [the victim's] iPhone for £100.

Campbell received a 12-month sentence, which was suspended for two years, and a 12-month supervision order.

A Wrexham man who admitted having more than 250,000 indecent images of children on his computer has been given a suspended sentence.

A judge at Mold Crown Court said there were exceptional mitigating circumstances in the case of Dennis Igo, 53, from Little Green, Bronington.

Two people have been given suspended prison sentences for prostitution offences in Ipswich.

Stuart Mansfield, 36, from Nelson Road, Ipswich, and Carla Panton, 29, from Halesworth admitted a charge of controlled prostitution for gain.

Mansfield was given a 12-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, at Ipswich Crown Court.

Panton was given a six-month prison sentence, which was also suspended for two years.

A hammer-wielding woman who fought with another mother outside a primary school has been given an eight-week suspended jail sentence.

Police used pepper spray on Nia Wynne, 28, of Llandudno Junction, Conwy, in the incident outside Ysgol Tudno in Llandudno, town magistrates heard.

A man who took a sword with him when he went to visit a friend at a psychiatric unit has been given a one-year suspended prison sentence.

David Elliott, 44, of Geneva Close, Exeter, admitted having the 37in weapon in a public place.

His sentence was suspended for two years and he was also ordered to undergo drug rehabilitation.

A wife who killed her husband in a botched suicide pact has been given an 18-month suspended prison sentence.

Ann Pollen, 47, from Edmonton, north London, was sentenced at the Old Bailey after admitting manslaughter.

A carer who stole a gold bracelet from a 100-year-old has been given a suspended jail sentence.

Elaine Wood, 55, of Manica Crescent, Fazakerley, was given a three-month term suspended for nine months at Sefton Magistrates’ Court.

A former prison officer has been given a suspended sentence after a prisoner whom he was supposed to be monitoring on suicide watch took his own life.

Daniel Barclay, a former night custody officer at Maghaberry Prison, was sentenced to 15 months, suspended for three years.

Five people who gave false information to police in the wake of the murder of Comber man Phillip Strickland have been given suspended sentences.

The 37-year-old farm labourer died after being shot in the face in January 2012.

Four of the accused were charged with perverting the course of justice, the fifth, was charged with withholding information.

Sentencing all five to 18 months in prison, which was suspended for two years, Mr Justice Weir told them: "I don’t think that any of you can feel proud of what you have done in this case.

A woman who admitted drunkenly driving the wrong way on a motorway for four miles has been spared jail.

Katy Homer of Clent View Road, Halesowen, in the West Midlands, was stopped by police near junction one of the M5 at West Bromwich.

Cameras showed her driving into the path of lorries on the southbound carriageway on 4 December.

Care assistant Homer was given a four-month jail term, suspended for 12 months, at Wolverhampton Crown Court.


People who got immediate prison sentences:

A Facebook troll who posted that a 15-year-old boy accused of murdering school teacher Ann Maguire should have "p****d on her too" has been jailed for six weeks.

Jake Newsome, 21, made the vile online comments three days after Mrs Maguire was stabbed at Corpus Christi college in Leeds on April 28.

District Judge David Kitson said: "You sent an offensive communication by an electronic device that followed the tragic death of Mrs Maguire who was killed some days previously.

"You’re entitled to express reasonable views, as are all of us.

"What none of us are entitled to do is abuse that freedom.

"What I find particularly offensive – that must have caused distress to all those who knew Mrs Maguire – were the derogatory remarks made saying that you were glad she had been killed and that he should have, and I quote, ‘p****d on her too’.

"I can think of little more that can be upsetting or offensive."

What, not even if someone said that you, District Judge David Kitson, are a disgrace to humanity? That you think it is right to jail someone who has not threatened anyone, harassed anyone, injured anyone, incited anything, damaged anything or stolen anything, but has been subjectively ‘offensive’? That’s offensive.

I wasn’t offended – I just thought he was a cunt. And that’s as far as it goes.

Shame on you, you disgusting, rotten, inadequate, totalitarian little man.


Jake me off…

It’s been an hysterical evening of twitter loony-tunes. It all started off innocuously enough…

My friend @Oleuanna was taking flack from feminists. She is a smart and tough cookie. She’s seen it, done it and – uncommonly – has learned from it, in.. errr.. spades.

In despair, she tweeted the online equivalent of a fly swat.


Now, I hadn’t been following her interactions with her feminist assailants, so didn’t know who had been involved. Nevertheless, I thought she may be tickled my a humourous response..


I thought it mildly amusing, and so did she.


I moved on… then the twitter ground started to grizzle beneath my feet.

But before I knew it, someone to whom the tweet wasn’t directed – and therefore wouldn’t see unless they clicked around to seek out offence – piped up.


The conversation continued for a short while before debilitating belly laughs ruined everything.


Oh yes.. She reported me to Twitter for violent harassment.

Feel free, by the way, to look back through any of our timelines to see where that might have happened.

But our question was answered.


So I posted an image of a chainsaw, as a joke. To @Oleuanna. Not to anyone else, not to a hashtag. And I don’t think this woman  follows me, so how did she see it?

Anyway, we continued to make light of things. Because we’re of this world. We’ve seen and experienced it over the years.

I also pointed out that I’ve experienced DV, but only from the receiving side.  True story. Frankly, I was betting that if my new stalker saw that, she’d try to use it to score a point over me.. about being weak or using it as an excuse.

Meantime, because this is twitter, I went back to taking the piss for my own amusement.

What would Johnny Cash do?


Since this woman had taken to stalking timelines, I took a quick look at what she was saying now on this public timeline.



Strike 1: I called it right on her twisting my mention of experiencing DV.

Strike 2: The photo I ‘dug up’ is (at time of writing) on the front  page of her blog, which is linked from her twitter bio.

Strike 3: Only one person called her a cunt – or any variation of it – and it wasn’t me. As far as I’m aware, in respect of the thread I was involved with, the only person who used that term was @ObtuseMusings, and that’s his business, the indomitable cunt.

So this had gotten boring. But I had an idea. After all, I do have a bit of the cupid about me.


My work today is done, friends.


The most snivelling spineless little shit you’d never heard of…

Like me, you’d probably never heard of Jake Morrison until a few weeks back. He tweets using the handle @eiJake, and at the age of 21 he is the self-proclaimed “youngest ever councillor in Liverpool”. ‘Never far from drama’ says his twitter bio.


Jake is an independent councillor, having had a high-profile falling out with the Liverpool Labour Party. He was suspended from the party for perfectly reasonable disciplinary reasons after he had a public fight with a local Labour MP and others in the party on social media, in the local newspapers and on TV. He flounced off and resigned from the party amid a flurry of screeching, demanding an apology from Labour Party leader Ed Miliband for “unfounded allegations about his character”.

Specifically, these allegations were written in a letter from Luciana Berger MP to the Mayor of Liverpool, complaining about Jake’s “lack of teamwork and respect”.

The Labour Party looked into matters and local Labour Party organiser Andy Smith wrote to Jake to tell him that there would be no apology, and suggested he fuck in an offward direction.

So, Jake became an independent councillor, and embarked on a campaign to unseat the Labour Mayor of Liverpool via a petition, as well as vouching to stand against Ms Berger at the next parliamentary elections.

He also faced the prospect of the Mayor of Liverpool taking legal action against him for making apparently fallacious public claims about him and his handling of the débacle Jake had initiated with his flouncing, screeching and “LOOK AT ME” arm waving.

This was in late 2013.

By March 2014, Jake was in talks with the Mayor of Liverpool about rejoining the Labour Party and coming back into the fold.

So Jake’s a bit all over the place and prone to outbursts of screeching – even at those who ought to be his close allies and hold the keys to his political future, wherein he clearly aspires to rule over us all.

Sooner or later, someone so brittle and prone to comical public outbursts of self-righteousness and self-pity was bound to come to the attention of those on twitter who like to yank the chains of the precious ones. On this occasion it was Old Holborn (currently at @HolbornWins).

The Liverpool Echo pick up the story:

Twitter user Old Holborn wrote on the social networking site: “Cyril Smith was a local councillor very fond of ‘going into schools’. Still plenty of them around.”

He then republished a comment from Wavertree’s Cllr Jake Morrison about a talk he was due  to give at Broadgreen International School.

Clearly this is Holborn looking to get a rise out of Jake, and boy did he get it.

Cllr Morrison said: “I’m just a young councillor who is interested in promoting young people.

“We all know what Cyril Smith was up to because it’s been all over the papers, so I take any  comparison to him very seriously.

“This is the worst type of discrediting that can be done to someone.”

Cllr Morrison reported the Old Holborn’s actions to Merseyside police.

You see, Jake, if you’re reading this…. No-one – I mean NO-ONE – thinks you’re a nonce because of what Old Holborn tweeted – or indeed for any other reason. He was taking the piss. But you can’t see that, and you demonstrated to thousands who had previously never heard of you, that you are a precious, snivelling authoritarian little shit who thinks people who take the piss out of you should be arrested.

And that’s a bit frightening, to be honest. That someone who has such naked political ambitions thinks that in a relatively free western country, there should be laws against people taking the piss out of you.

I hope you fail spectacularly and humiliatingly in your political career and you find your niche somewhere else – somewhere you can’t be heard – because I, and thousands like me,  sure as fuck don’t want hypersensitive cunts like you running even the smallest bits of this country.

Now fuck off.


Update: We’ve seen above how Jake likes to change direction with impunity. Via Guido, we now have evidence that less than 12 months ago, Jake would have agreed with Old Holborn.


So he’s a twat AND a hypocrite with the self-awareness of a polyp.

Rot in hell…

Bob Crow, leader of the RMT union died today, aged 52.

Twitter is awash with the usual guff and hypocrisy from people who were calling him a cunt a week ago.

It’s true that he was a cunt a week ago, and for some time before that. Now he’s dead and I’m not at all minded to revise my opinion of him.

I think he would respect that. After all,


Union leader Bob Crow has said Margaret Thatcher can "rot in hell" for what she did to the country during her time as prime minister.

Crow, the general secretary of the RMT union, told BBC Radio London on Wednesday evening that Thatcher
"created an ideological argument to attack working people" during her time in office and that there were "loads of loads of people who lost their houses, jobs and committed suicide because of what she did".

So as tempted as I am to retort that Bob can rot in hell, I don’t want him to go to hell. I certainly don’t want to have to share hell with that disgusting communist yobbo when I get there.



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