I’ve seen the future, and it’s a bit dim

You’re probably aware of the resurgent popularity of the ‘flat earth theory’. Stefan Molyneux, amongst others, has spent hours going back and forth with these bampots, in an attempt to draw them out and convince them of the manifest, observable absurdity of their proposition.

It seems that our ability to cast out an idea forever is inversely proportional to how bad the idea is. Socialism is another fine example of this phenomenon.

This evening I discovered a realm of absurdity I’d never heard of before, and to date it seems to be under-recognised. I think it has potential. That realm is The Electric Universe Theory.

Almost completely by accident, I stumbled into a talk advancing this ‘theory’ today, and I have to say I was impressed in a number of ways.

The first way was in the enormous balls of the guy advancing this theory. His opening gambit was to dismiss gravity (and with it Newton and Einstein) out of hand as fundamental to the observable universe. His next was to contradict Special Relativity by asserting that photons have mass, and the Standard Model of particle physics by implicitly denying that photons are electrically neutral.  Next he told us that filaments are the fifth state of matter, presumably bumping Bose-Einstein condensates down into 6th place in the phases of matter hit parade. I also learned that with one of those plasma balls, you can prove that oh.. do you know.. it was such an unlikely concatenation of words that I couldn’t promise to recount it faithfully.

After that I just had to spend sometime picking my jaw up off the floor and regaining my composure. During that period, I reflected on the guy’s ability to structure and present a talk. He did not get a passing grade in that test. He managed to do a disservice to this masterpiece of monstrous scientific lunacy, which was quite the achivement.

The third way I was impressed was how completely the audience was stunned and cowed into silence, rather than calling out the hundreds of provably false claims the guy made. To challenge this guy would have just seemed wrong. Like kicking a cripple. The foundations of his argument – in which he had so much invested – were so weak that any sort of challenge at all would have just felt like bullying. I think this is how Corbyn and Abbott get away with so much.

Anyway, the presentational problems with the delivery of this can all be fixed. When I opened my laptop to write this I was full of amused despair… but then I remembered Clarey’s ‘operation evil’ idea.

There’s already a depressingly sizeable Electric Universe community on YouTube, but honestly, it’s only 150,000 people. I think this is early days in what could become a big, bountiful thing. And I’m thinking about getting ahead of the game.

A slick Youtube channel, some merch, some clever marketing, and I could have a million subscribers and ten thousand patreons before the other chancers have got their mobility scooters charged. I could have hundreds of thousands of social media foot soldiers, bludgeoning all comers with a tsunami of ‘facts’ and links to meandering youtube videos and autistically built websites.

We could establish a compound in New Hampshire and, as a voting bloc, overwhelm those loony libertarians.

When that gets boring, I could start to accuse anyone gainsaying me of hate speech, get them banned from Twitter, dox them and put their cats in wheelie bins. My transfacts are valid beyond question, and should be afforded respect. While still successfully casting dissenters out of the public square, I could go on to condemn the Jew Science of Einstein and Feynman with complete impunity.

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One thought on “I’ve seen the future, and it’s a bit dim

  1. You seem to have a special talent for finding these sort of people !! I’ve only recently heard about it myself and hell yeah my first thought was “get the f*&^ outta here”. But hey get that bandwagon rolling on Youtube, there’s plenty of people out there willing to believe the most ridiculous of things.

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