The world has gone completely fucking mad.

This week has been one of infuriatingly intense work, so while I’ve been watching our national descent into madness, I’ve been less disposed to comment on it at length.

A supermarket is being prosecuted over the way it packages a joint of beef, “but it will be hard to appease campaigners”. A Belgian Chechen Islamist boxer blew himself up in Copenhagen, in an apparent attempt to destroy the offices of a newspaper that is in an altogether different city.

A man in a white dress is visiting the UK, to promote his new exercise DVD. Waving is definitely going to be the next big craze. Even armchair athletes can join in the fun. Everyone on the internet is already getting quite exercised about the whole thing.

Meanwhile, Jeff Randall has cottoned on to something The Devil has been banging on about for quite a while now. namely, that the slash and burn ConDems are, in fact, going to spend more of our money than Gordon Brown ever did, yet at the same time, they are locked into a dance of mutually assured destruction with the unions. Charlotte Gore is inexplicably happy.

Here’s something to keep you distracted from the horrible reality.

 

Enjoy.

AJ

This is just getting silly

I recently remarked upon my 2010 position in the Total Politics Blog Poll, in the Scottish Blogs section.

Apparently, I came in at #13 in the Scottish list this year, which is a decent enough improvement, and puts me in the mix with some distinguished purveyors of porridge-based prose.

But it’s time to right this wrong, so I’ve dropped TP an email to ask them to put me in the right categories.

And that’s precisely what I did. My email exchange with the very lovely Emily Sutton included the following:

I don’t live in Scotland – I’m English and I live in England. I just happen to support Scottish independence for English reasons.

I’m right wing libertarian.

So now I can be absolutely sure that Total Politics is taking the piss, having just discovered that as well as #13 in the Scottish rankings, I am also #40 in the Left Wing Blogs Top 100, ahead of Jack of Kent, LabourHome, Pickled Politics, Kerry McCarthy, George Monbiot, Bevanite Ellie and many, many others.

It looks like I’m not the only one who shouldn’t be in the list though, so it all looks like a terrible terrible mistake.

I shall communicate further with Ms. Sutton.

In the meantime, however, I’m having the badge, if only for comedic incongruity value.

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Sod it, I’m having the Jock one as well.

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AJ

Brainwashing state-owned children

You probably think they’re your children. They’re not. They belong to the state. You’re merely charged with delivering them back to the institution daily.

Corrugated Soundbite brings word of this (via Filthy Engineer, via Counting Cats via.. oh never mind.), from one of the biggest unacknowledged powers behind big-government across the western world.

Here’s what they’re doing to children throughout the Western world. Far Left Communists and their useful idiots with a totalitarian agenda doing exactly what a Far Left Fascist and his useful idiots were doing in the 1930s.

Look at the hatred in the eyes. Listen to the way he spews all this having evidently been given no proof whatsoever to back up these claims. Only repetition. He’s known nothing else and not been shown how to find it.

Captain Ranty is right. These are the children of Mr and Mrs Normal.

This is just the tip of the Gramscian iceberg.

So, if you have kids, just remember that every time you drop them off at the school gates, they’ll spend the next 6-8 hours being turned into a collaborator.

Have you read 1984? If not, you need to.

Unless you imbue in your kids a balanced outlook and the reasoning powers and strength of character to see that Greenpeace scaremongering and propaganda is precisely that, they’ll be your downfall, and ours too. You’ll have failed as a parent and a reasoning adult. If you can live with that, okay, but I’ll bestow no mercy upon your ignorant spawn should they cross my path.

AJ

Oh no. No you fucking don’t…

I did read something about this earlier in the year, but I didn’t take it terribly serious as it sounds completely unworkable. In light of recent monumental fuck ups by HMRC, however, the horror of this idea couldn’t be clearer:

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Instead of employers deducting income tax then paying gross salaries to employees, the gross monthly payment would go to an HMRC-run tax “calculator”, which would then pass the net salary to the worker.

The reform would mean the end of traditional monthly payslips, because employers would no longer be able to tell workers how much tax they had paid each month.

Errr.. no. No way.

If you really need me to explain how many ways that could possibly go wrong, you should probably go and read a blog about babies or kittens or football instead. Baaaa.

AJ

Polizei

It’s about time PCSOs were ditched.

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Police were accused of being ‘heavy handed’ today after four officers were dispatched to deal with a 84-year old World War Two veteran – because he was riding his bicycle on the pavement.

Great grandfather James Gresty was chased into a bank by two police community support officers after they said he was cycling on the path outside.

The pair ordered Mr Gresty to come outside for a ticking off but when he refused they called for ‘back-up’ from two other regular officers in a nearby police van.

They promptly drove over the pedestrianised street outside the Halifax bank in Sale, Greater Manchester, to reach him and issue him with a £30 fixed penalty for an offence of cycling in a pedestrianised area.

Today widower Mr Gresty, who won several war medals during his three year service as a private with the York and Lancaster Regiment, said: ‘I was shocked at the attitude of these two officers who wanted to speak to me.

‘They were carrying on as if I had been guilty of committing a serious criminal offence.

‘They were being aggressive, rude and heavy handed, all over an in issue of whether I was cycling on the pavement.

‘I wouldn’t mind but they didn’t even get that right either. I had got off my bike before I got on the pavement. God knows why four police officers had to be involved.

‘You would have thought they would have something better to do with their time. I’m an 84-year-old man, not some teenage hoodie. 

‘And it’s all rather galling that that their "back"up drove across a pedestrianised area, which I think is far more dangerous than riding a bike across it.

‘It seemed that these two PCSOs were young people who put on a uniform and thought they owned the place. Obviously the power had gone to their heads.’

Indeed.

But then, this is Greater Manchester Police we’re talking about. We should expect no less.

Massive respect to Mr Gresty for standing up to the bullying little shites. He deserves our support.

AJ

UPDATE: The comments under the Manchester Evening News’ version of the same story make for depressing reading. We’re living in an age of collaborators.

Laugh? Cry? Fucked if I know.

My first reaction was to laugh. I had to think again.

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WTF? Really? Damn, I’m strong for just driving straight past that McDonalds today, even though I fancied a Big Mac. Yeah.

The logic and ‘science’ in the article is comical in itself. But it was completely eclipsed by the comments that followed it:

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Trolling, right?

I wish I could be sure.

AJ

Mad cat lady outed.

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Mary Bale must be rueing her impulsive decision to put that cat in a wheelie-bin.

Commenters on my post yesterday observed that her anonymity would be fleeting, and they were right.

But I have to say, she’s not doing a very good job of showing contrition.

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A woman caught on camera dropping a tabby cat into her owners’ wheelie bin said today that she didn’t know what all the fuss is about.

Mary Bale is now focus of a vitriolic campaign on Facebook with postings calling for her death, describing her as "evil" and "a psycho" and demanding she be sacked from her job as a customer services assistant with the Royal Bank of Scotland.

But the 45-year-old, who is the subject of an RSPCA investigation and is said to live just half a mile from the scene of the cat’s 15-hour incarceration in Coventry, told the Sun that she did "not deserve to be hated" for her moment of madness". People were over-reacting, she said.

Opprobrium aside, it’s really quite an odd occurrence, isn’t it? The kind of thing you’d expect a daft, thoughtless, idiot teenager. Not a grown woman. Or an overgrown woman for that matter. I suspect she’s somewhat developmentally disabled.

"I really don’t see what everyone is getting so excited about. It’s just a cat," Bale said.

Bale added: ""People are reading too much into things. I’ve no feelings about cats one way or the other. I don’t keep pets myself, but I have no problem with people who do.

"To think this video is being seen around the world is unbelievable. I’m a very private person and don’t want to upset any members of my family. I don’t know what my relatives will think, but to be honest I think everyone’s overreacting a bit.

"OK, I shouldn’t have done it, but it’s just a cat at the end of the day. I don’t think I deserve to be hated by people all over the world, it was just a split second of madness."

On balance, as much of a hateful shit-bag as I think she is, I’m inclined to agree with her.

Wanting her strung up is rather out of proportion with what she’s done. Perhaps we should settle for amputating one of her arms at the elbow. Or should we take the whole bingo wing?

Jack of Kent finds reason to disagree with West Midlands Police’s claim that she hasn’t committed any criminal offence, so as I said originally, let’s hope the RSPCA do their evil worst with her.

AJ