Non-stories, gubbins and gibberish.

There’s practically nothing else about at the moment, so I’ll summarise.

The Hague thing. A non-story about him sharing a hotel room with his special advisor, who is a bloke. Salacious nonsense obscuring the only legitimate question, which is whether Hague misused public funds in any way.

On-going denormalisation of smokers in the rented property market. A non-story based on a poorly interpreted marketing survey. Most landlords are pragmatic in my experience, and the ones that aren’t don’t remain landlords for very long.

It’s remains to be seen whether or not the matter of #metgate is a non-story or not.

Not so much a non-story as a ‘well, what a surprise’ story, in which a front company for Tesco buys up a town centre, allows it to become run down, then along comes Tesco offering to ‘do the town a favour’ by building a massive Tesco store in its place.

Someone called Tony Blair has a book out. In it, he reveals that always was, and still is, a complete and utter cunt. Still, with any luck, it will cause enough enmity in the Labour party to keep the wrecking bastards in unelectability hell for a generation or two.

The Director General of the BBC seems to have taken to referring to the present in the past tense. He has ‘has admitted the corporation was guilty of a ‘massive’ Left-wing bias in the past’. As if it’s gone away. Pfffft.

In other news, top fungal blogger Simon Cooke has decided to poke Jack of Kent in the eye over his apparently contradictory definition of his own liberalism.

I’m fast arriving at the conclusion that Jack of Kent is a cult leader & I have little doubt that he’s in the process of setting up a compound for all his faithful believers in deepest Kent. Jack of Koresh more like.

Mr  Cooke has also, in case you missed them previously, written some good stuff on the emergent New Puritans.

More anon, doubtless.


Hitting the righteous with their own weapons


Hate Crime

Further to my post on the Ciggy Busters from the Hundreds of Hoo school in Medway, Medway Police have replied with this:

Dear Mr Filthy Engineer

Thank you for your email regarding the Hundred of Hoo Comprehensive School, Kent and "A Betty* Medway." I am a detective sergeant on the Medway hate crime unit, and this has been given to me to investigate further.

I will be making contact with the school in due course, and shall update you once this has been completed.

In the mean time should you wish to contact me directly, my number is 01634 792541.

Yours sincerely

DS 10142 Sallie Baisley

The Hate Crime unit. Mmmmm.

I’ll keep an eye on that – nice work, Mr Filthy Engineer.



Being silly season, there’s not really much happening at the moment that isn’t complete bollocks or made up media filler based on reports peddled by fake charities and righteous agendas.

I’m sure inspiration will return in due course – and/or something will piss me off so immensely that I’ll return frothing and foaming anew.

In the meantime, go and have a look outside. Perhaps you can do something for the common good, and be the monster that the smokophobics have created?

Oh and be sure to check out the latest bully state outrages at Big Brother Watch.


P.S. If you happen to be a farmer, in East Lothian, how about turning your muck spreader on these smelly fuckers at Gogarburn?

Subliminal Advertising

Genius. Ferrari put a barcode on their F1 cars. The medical profession come along to tell you that the barcode means ‘smoke Marlboro’:



Monstrous pecksniff alert:

Gerard Hastings, director of the Centre for Tobacco Control Research, said: “I think this is advertising. Why a bar code? What is their explanation?”

You know, I might try them now. It’s like the urge was implanted by the Ferrari and activated by the Centre for Tobacco Control Research*. Like a two-pack resin of lung butter.


*This lot are funded by Cancer Research UK and based at Stirling University.

This twat deserves his very own Fuck You post

Via Ed West:

Martin Dockrell, director of policy at the anti-smoking group ASH and one of the report’s authors, admitted the ban on smoking in all cars would be an injustice to those who never carry children as passengers.

But he said: “That injustice is completely outweighed by the current injustice of the harm that’s done to kids.”

So. I don’t have kids. I don’t like kids and I don’t have anything to do with kids. I have a convertible, and every time I lower the roof, I have to put up with a face full of diesel fumes from buses, taxis, lorries, penny-pinching pikeys etc.

Yet you’re telling me that I can’t smoke in my car? And that the greater good is somehow served by this?

Remembering that Gordon Brown’s car taxation scheme has shoved motorists violently towards diesel engines, let’s look at diesel for a moment.


Small particles found in diesel exhaust fumes can penetrate into the lungs of children, research indicates.

The study is the first offering what is said to be conclusive evidence that particles from diesel exhaust reach, and are taken up by, cells that reside on the deepest part of the lung.

The government has estimated that there are 24,000 deaths of adults a year, which can be attributed to the inhalation of PM10.

Dr Grigg said: “This research, which shows particles in cells that are known to cause lung injury, supports epidemiological studies which demonstrate an adverse effect of particles on the respiratory health of children.

“PM10 are one of the most damaging pollutants and can penetrate far into the lungs – causing inflammation, coughing, respiratory symptoms and even permanent damage.

“This biological evidence is very important in furthering our understanding of air pollution and its effects.”

So, back to my main point, which is this:

Fuck you in the eye socket with a tiger’s cock, Martin Dockrell, you swivel-eyed sanctimonious control freak.

That’s better.


UPDATE: Some form on Mr Shitface.

Freedom Lovers Say: Fucking have that

Smoking martyr freed thanks to all of you who contributed, in spirit, blog and wallet.

Ten quid very well spent in my view.

I’ll hand over to Old Holborn and Anna Racoon.

Nick Hogan is safely back behind bars. Not the bars which the government sought to contain him behind for failing to act as an unpaid policeman and report his customers for smoking – even when he was not on the premises to witness them to doing so – but the bars, the snug, and the restaurant of his own private property, the Swan with Two Necks, in Chorley, Manchester.

It was with the greatest pleasure that I was able to telephone Denise Hogan, his wife, a few minutes ago, and ask her to go and collect her husband from the Forest Bank jail in Pendlebury.
The indefatigable Old Holborn had moved heaven and earth, above and beyond the call of duty, to arrive at the jail with £8,664.50p in cash, to exchange with the Custody Officer there in return for Nick Hogan’s freedom.

Nick was jailed as an example to us all, that when the State barks ‘jump’ you only question ‘how high’.

He didn’t. He said ‘Why’?

Bloody good work by all involved.


National No Smoking Day

And so it comes around again – are you sure this shit is just once a year?


I don’t want your help. I don’t want to quit. And if, or when, I do, I’ll quit. Okay?

Oh well, I‘ll pay it the same heed as I do

  • International Women’s Day
  • International Men’s Day
  • Secretary’s Day
  • AIDS Awareness Day
  • Cycle to Work Day
  • Run a Mile Day
  • Climate Change Day
  • Try Being Gay Day
  • Stop Beating Your Wife Day
  • Credible Government Day
  • Drink Your Own Piss Day
  • Drink Someone Else’s Piss Day
  • Drift in and out of a Diabetic Coma Day
  • Call Everyone Mavis Day
  • Beat Your Kids Day

The real question is this:

You won – there is no fucking smoking, anywhere, any fucking day. Now why can’t you just all fuck off? Bunch of unmitigated tards


Smoking Ban Prisoner Update From Old Holborn

Just over £6k raised so far – less than 4 to go.

Come on people, if you’ve not put a tenner in the pot, do it now.

And an interesting observation from OH:

In my research, I have noted the relevant paperwork which has thrown up a stunner. On page 23, the guidelines state:

In addition to the evidence of smoking taking place, the Courts have also indicated that they are taking into consideration the following matters:
• the number of occasions on which the council is able to demonstrate that information and advice on the smokefree requirements have been provided to the person in control;
• the failure by the person in control to take action after the receipt of such information and advice;
• public statements made by or on behalf of the person in control:
• that they do not agree with or support the smokefree legislation;
• that they are actively campaigning against it; or
• that they do not intend to do anything more than simply inform people that they should not smoke.

Officers of LACORS and the CIEH are continuing to closely monitor prosecutions and may be able to provide information on trends, levels of fines and costs, etc but not of course advice to councils in preparing their own cases. Of particular interest are those cases brought against repeat offenders which test the ability of the council to secure penalties prescribed in the legislation which will act as a deterrent against further offending as this information may be used to inform responses to further consultations by the Government.

So you can be imprisoned by New Labour for not agreeing with or supporting smokefree legislation. Nice.

A bit of a stretch perhaps, but we do have one man in prison thanks to anti-smoking legislation. Let’s get him out.


Freedom lovers unite: A worthy cause

Brought to our attention by, amongst others, Old Holborn.


There has been a fair amount of comment in the blogosphere regarding the six month jail sentence given to Nick Hogan for flouting the ‘no-smoking ban’.

Outrage has been duly expressed, here, there, and everywhere. Perhaps we can do better than just express outrage?

Nick was actually jailed for non-payment of the fine originally imposed for a ‘mass smoke-in’ on the day the ban came into force in 2007 in his pub, the ‘Swan and Barristers’ in Bolton. He no longer has that pub. He was fined again when council inspectors walked into his present pub and discovered a group of customers smoking – Nick wasn’t even on the premises.

His wife, Denise, is now managing their present pub in Chorley herself. Their trade is so low that they don’t even bother to open the downstairs bar. Nick is bankrupt, and had gone to court intending to argue that he could not afford the £500 a month payments demanded by the council towards their £11,600 bill for prosecuting him. He has already paid off £1,600. The court gave him a six month sentence instead, and he is currently in Forest Bank prison in Pendlebury, unable to help to earn the money which would ensure his release.

And that, thanks to OH, is where we come in.


Put your money where your mouth is. You’d only spend it on drink and drugs otherwise.


The total raised as of 16:00 today was £3188.50. We can get to £10k this week and see this man released from the clutches of the bully state. Do it. Now!

The Telegraph blog now also has the story, adding a nice little comparative tale.

Match the crime with the sentence:

1) A man who used his two-year-old daughter as a decoy so he and his pregnant girlfriend could steal from three Poppy Appeal tins and a Multiple Sclerosis charity box over a period of two weeks last year, hiding the cash in their daughter’s buggy.

The 25-year-old also pleaded guilty to carrying a lock knife, stealing a guitar, and the attempted theft of another collection tin. He has a string of previous theft convictions dating back five years.

2) A pub landlord convicted for non-payment of a fine for allowing a “mass smoke-in” in his pub on the day of the smoking ban. He no longer owns the pub, and is bankrupt.

a) Six months in jail

b) A suspended sentence and a six-month drug rehabilitation order

And as you’d expect, Dick Puddlecote has an impeccable post on same. He concludes:

Nick Hogan stood up to a fundamentally unjust, and deeply undemocratic, law imposed by a corrupt and morally bankrupt government. His isn’t an attack on society. In fact, it is the reverse, as Mencken once reasoned.

The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naive and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who loves his country more than the rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to despair.

And this is why Hogan is considered dangerous, and why the system studiously constructed by our legislators has concluded that he must be severely punished.

He didn’t kowtow to an irrational definition of society, entirely fabricated in this country by 646 hideous bansturbators and their Igor-esque rent-seekers, instead he resisted.

And as far as the state is concerned, that is the most heinous crime of all.



I do hope Guido has this right:


Guido understands that Andy Burnham is about to be in some deep trouble. Yesterday he said he “did not believe that a lengthy, adversarial inquiry would be in the best interests of health care in Staffordshire.” Today it has emerged that in 2007, as a Junior Health Minister, he signed off on one of four stages of the Mid-Stafford Hospital’s elevation to Labour’s coveted Foundation Trust status. This was despite four formal alerts about the hospital’s dangerous practises. The rest they say is history.

No wonder Dave was asking about this at PMQs yesterday. Guido just got off the phone with Julie Bailey of Cure the NHS, a local group campaigning for a full inquiry into the case, who said she had to go because “we’re just about to start filming” as Andrew Lansley was on the way.

After Burnham’s “tired and emotional” outburst at Lansley last week for the death tax posters, Guido senses he may be dodging Nokias by the end of the tea time news…

… because Andy Burnham is a puritanical authoritarian scouse tosser.


Go on Labour – destroy that core vote

It seems likely that more hardcore smokers are Labour supporters, rather than DibLems or Tories.

So what the flying fuck are they up to now?


We’ve rehearsed all the reasons why the smoking ban is an absolute disgrace. So what are they thinking?

Andy Burnham, the health secretary, will review the current law to see if it should be strengthened to include areas where smokers have gathered since the 2007 ban.

Mr Burnham said he wants to halve the number of smokers in England from one fifth (21%) of the population to one in 10 by 2020.

The target requires around four million of England’s estimated eight million smokers to quit.

An extension of the ban – which currently covers enclosed spaces – to include open-air but busy areas such as office doorways and pub gardens, would also reduce passive smoking, Department of Health (DH) officials believe.




A puritanical Scouse cunt yesterday.

You know, under my new constitutional settlement, this prick wouldn’t even be entitled to sit in Westminster.


UPDATE: And in case you were wondering, no, the Tories won’t be ay different.

UPDATE 2: Constantly Furious has more. Including the apparent (but not quite) censoring of pro-smoking websites by Vodafone.

UPDATE 3: Smokers’ comfort Dick Puddlecote continues to provide sterling service.

Suicide watch…

Eamonn Butler is the head of the Adam Smith Institute – a free-market think-tank.

But I’d not be surprised to hear that the Dignitas marketing folk were keen to retain his services.

I say this because, ever since I started reading this:


I’ve been increasingly curious about their services.

It’s an unceasing catalogue of the things that Gordon Brown and his coterie of bastards has done to our country.

Oh sure, there’s not much in there that you couldn’t find on most libertarian blogs, but the sheer scale of their destruction wrought upon the fabric of our economy, society, liberty, privacy, justice system and democratic protections is breath-taking.

I may, in fact, never finish this book, because I decide that I want to live. On the other hand, I may neck a fistful of vallium and get it over with. The book, I mean.


Passive Thinking…

We knew it would happen. Satire is truly done for.

Reproducing Dick Puddlecote’s work in full.

Hello Passive Drinking – Global And Official

Minimum alcohol pricing? Pah! It’s a mere speck in comparison with what’s to come.

WHO launches worldwide war on booze

I once suggested to some beardy tossbag from CAMRA that he should throw his weight behind objecting to tobacco prohibition because his vice was next. He piffled that drinkers were too numerous to be subject to the same denormalisation.

May God rot his middle class pompous paunch if he doesn’t now realise that he was disastrously wrong.

Marvel in the new righteous front, backed up with the full force of the World Health Organisation.

HUMANITY’s relationship with alcohol has never been easy. Now it is about to undergo as great a change as our attitude to tobacco, which has seen smoking plummet from the height of cool to the lowest of unpleasant habits.

That at least is the hope of the World Health Organization, which, between now and January, will be honing its draft of the first global strategy on reducing health damage from alcohol abuse, the fifth leading cause of premature death and disability worldwide.

Unveiled last week in Geneva, Switzerland, the document is the culmination of talks between representatives from the WHO’s 193 member states. "It is a landmark document," says Peter Anderson, a health consultant and adviser on alcohol to the WHO and the European Union.

Hmmm. Such wild triumphalism rings a bell.

The similarities don’t end there, either.

Sally Casswell of Massey University in Auckland, New Zealand, who helped produce the WHO document says a focus on passive drinking is key to winning public acceptance for more stringent alcohol legislation. "It challenges the neoliberal ideology which promotes the drinker’s freedom to choose his or her own behaviour," she says.

And the lines are drawn against the nay-sayers too.

Others are sceptical of the [drinks] industry’s contribution to the debate. Robin Room of the University of Melbourne, Australia, who studies the legislation on recreational drugs, fears that some parts of the WHO document may already have been watered down to appease the industry, especially those seeking to restrict marketing.

How very dare they defend their evil drug!

I’ll say it again. You simply cannot pick and choose which freedoms you like and which you don’t. You either stand up to all of the dictatorial bullying, or you will inevitably become a target.

The drinks industry had better get those screens ready, the anti-alcohol steamroller is on its way.
Now, cast your mind back … when was the last time you voted for the WHO, exactly?

WTF is wrong with this world?


Conservatives won’t give us smoking ban reprieve…

At least, that’s what they seem to be saying this week, as Dick Puddlecote chronicles

Fortunately, the Tories are acutely aware that 52 pubs per week are closing, considering the fact that two thirds of Tories voted against the smoking ban that killed them. A party that wishes to enhance property rights, personal responsibility and defend the business owner’s freedom to be self-determinant, are definitely going to do something about it, aren’t they?
Course they fucking are – not.

"Mr Simmonds [Tory shadow minister for health] agreed with Mr Clark that the smoking ban is merely pushing the problem into people’s homes or onto the streets, but said it is a law that no Government would overthrow."

Staggering, ain’t it?

It should be staggering, but I’m not in the slightest bit surprised. Smokers have lost the battle, and the Tories are going to pick up, and run with, the righteous playbook in attacking drinkers. Not problem drinkers or antisocial drinkers. Well, actually, yes antisocial drinkers. Know why? Because denormalisation is succeeding in reframing all drinkers as antisocial.

I’m absolutely not going to be voting Tory at the next election.


A common response…

Over at DK’s place, the Filthy Smoker has nicely summed up my response to news that ‘unhealthy men may lose 10 years

"’We’ve shown that men at age 50 who smoke, have high blood pressure and high cholesterol levels can expect to survive to 74 years of age, while those who have none of these risk factors can expect to live until 83."

Fuck me, but is this really what it all comes down to? The endless public health scare stories. The fascist smoking legislation. The rapacious tax rises. The fake charities. The obesity ‘epidemic’. Ian bastard Gilmore. It all comes down to the risk of dying at the age of 74? And I can eat what I want and smoke tabs as well? 

This is the least scary scare story I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Troll 2.

Doctors, if you’re reading this:  74 years is more than enough time for me to do all the things I plan to do in this life. I’ll leave all that senility, dribbling and pissing myself to someone else, if it’s all the same to you. 

Risk very much accepted, now fuck off and leave me alone. Don’t worry about those taxes I’ve been paying. To be honest, I never expected to see that money again anyway. Use it to buy a catheter for an 83 year old non-smoking vegetarian. I’m off out.

Nothing really to add to that, other than to enquire what I may do to bring that figure down to, say, 70.


Watching the bansturbators and the pub-killers…

Excellent work from The Filthy Smoker over at DKs place.

From The Scotsman:

The economic hangover of the smoking ban and the effects of the recession have both been blamed for fewer people going to pubs, but it is clear the supermarkets and a growing culture of drinking at home are the real cause for the decline.

Oh, for the love of…

Alright then, one more time. There is not a growing culture of drinking at home because the supermarkets are selling more alcohol. There is a growing culture of drinking at home because of the smoking ban which, in turn, has led to the supermarkets selling more alcohol. People who drink at home tend to buy their alcohol from supermarkets. Not pubs. Supermarkets not pubs. Horse then cart. Do you see how that works?

Do click through and read the rest of this most splendid taking apart of the righteous.


Who is this Paul Henderson tosser?


I’m not linking to it, but the erudite destroyer of anti-smoking brimstone, Dick Puddlecote, puts the pillock in his place. Read the whole thing, but be spurred on the by the denouement:

Just my opinion, and all that, but you sir, are a rancid, shallow fucktard who deserves to be fisted up the ringpiece with a sandpaper and broken glass-encrusted glove for using sick kids to justify your selfish and puerile dislikes. Just stick to talking about overpaid men in shorts in future, eh?

Seems fair.

On a related note, I became the proud owner of one of these the other day:


I commend it to thee.


This is what we have come to as a nation….

Over run with miserablist cunts….

Chelsea boss Guus Hiddink could be hit with Wembley smoking fine

Chelsea boss Guus Hiddink could be hit with a fine after lighting a cigar in the Wembley dressing room following his side’s FA Cup win.

Dutchman Hiddink was captured smoking on camera as he performed a bizarre victory dance with club owner Roman Abramovich.

But his antics breached the Government’s strict ban on smoking in enclosed public and work places.

Anyone caught lighting up illegally can be fined s50 -reduced to s30 if it is paid within 15 days.

The FA, who own Wembley, could also be fined s2,500 for allowing Hiddink to spark the cigar.

Brent Council’s health and safety team are expected to discuss whether to take any action against Hiddink and the FA today (Mon).

Hiddink and Abramovich let their hair down in the dressing room after Chelsea’s 2-1 victory over Everton.

Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard scored for Chelseaafter Louis Saha had put Everton ahead in a record-breaking 25 seconds.

Billionaire Abramovich recorded the jubilant scenes on hismobile phone as Chelsea’s playersjoined in.

Hiddink, whose tenure as manager ended after the game, said:"There was South American, eastern European and African dancing going on.

"All the players and staff were involved. My whole body was moving in perfect time to an African dance. At least that’s what I told myself."

The smoking ban was introduced in England on July 1, 2007 after similar bans were implemented in Wales,Scotland and Ireland.

A month later The Rolling Stones angered anti-smoking groups by lighting up during their gig at the O2 arena.

Keith Richards and Ronnie Woods took part in the on-stage rebellion to the delight of fans.

The group and venue owners escaped a fine after Greenwich Council said it was "satisfied" the incident was a one-off.


H/T Taking Liberties

Join the campaign for Scottish Independence – from south of the border…


In this morning’s Indypedant, Dominic Lawson lays the blame for our financial woes squarely in Scotland. With the bankers, but also with Gordo and Ally.

Sometimes I wonder if hubris is a Gaelic word, rather than ancient Greek. It seems only yesterday that all of Scotland was in uproar over the takeover of HBOS by Lloyds TSB.

Gordon Brown can protest in vain that he – and indeed his equally Scottish Chancellor, Alistair Darling – was denounced as "a traitor" by the Scottish Nationalists when he pushed the deal through. It is now his sorry fate to be despised by English and Scots alike. Note, by the way, that there was no such uproar in Scotland when the Westminster Government took a majority stake in RBS, thus saving the other of Edinburgh’s banking behemoths from immediate liquidation.

Since over half of the Scottish economy is bankrolled directly by Westminster – amounting to a gigantic subsidy by English taxpayers – this arrangement could be seen as entirely normal, exciting neither outrage nor gratitude. It certainly helps to explain why Alex Salmond, himself a former chief economist of RBS, made no fuss about that particular bail-out. I think we can rule out embarrassment as a factor, although given that Mr Salmond declared a year ago, "The Scottish banks are among the most stable in the world", it would have been the natural human emotion in such circumstances.

Not the least of the ironies of the Caledonian debacle is that it was the takeover of the National Westminster Bank by RBS a decade ago which lies behind so much of what subsequently unfolded. RBS had in fact to fight a bitter battle with the Bank of Scotland for the control of NatWest. Both Scottish banks were much smaller than the English financial institution they wanted to buy, and both were openly dismissive of the fuddy-duddy "Captain Mainwaring" London management of NatWest who did not understand the modern style of banking, which believed in a much more ‘dynamic’ use of capital.

I say Edinburgh, because it was Scotland’s financial establishment which backed Sir Fred Goodwin to the bitter end.

Imagine, for example, what might have been the case if the banks which had needed to be bailed out with the taxpayers’ billions were not those run by Scots of fiercely meritocratic mien, but London-based concerns dominated by boards consisting entirely of pin-striped English ex-public schoolboys. I wonder if Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and John McFall – or indeed the British public as a whole – would have been quite as understanding.

Yet if they already had independence, who would have had the wherewithal to bail out these porridgeous institutions?