Cameron prepares for U-turn on #ukuncat

Doubtless due to the pressure brought to bear by this blog yesterday, we now read that Cameron is preparing to do a volte-face on the disgraceful refusal to install a cat at Downing Street, in order to deal with the increasing problem of left-wing journalists scurrying around in the street.

The government says it is now considering bringing in a cat to deal with a rat spotted outside 10 Downing Street.

The prime minister’s spokesman said on Monday there would not be a replacement for Humphrey, the No 10 cat during much of the 1990s.

But after newspaper reports on Tuesday that the Cameron family might get a cat, the spokesman said there was a "pro-cat faction within the building".

No decisions have been taken, he added.

The Times, however, is reporting that the decision has indeed been taken.

One rat scuttling along Downing Street was a point of interest. A second looked like a public relations disaster.

So it was that the Prime Minister’s aides let it be known last night that David Cameron would be getting a cat.

…

The Prime Minister’s official spokesman, in between fielding questions about phone hacking, the Government’s alternative vote (AV) Bill and bank bonuses, was pressed to provide updates on rat developments.

Stoically, throughout the day, he stuck to the line that there were “no plans” for Mr Cameron to get a cat.

Then, in the evening, came a U-turn: the search was indeed on for a cat. A suitable rescue centre was being identified and living arrangements discussed. It would not be housed in the flat above No 11, where the Camerons live, but would be a “cat about the house”.

Victory is ours, my friends!

The Equality & Hoomin Rights Commission were not available for comment.

AJ

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Never mind #ukuncut. What about #ukuncat???

After a January of utter apathy about cuts, socialists, resignations and assignations, finally a story has really caught my attention.

David Cameron has been responsible for some utterly disgraceful decisions since he took up residence in his new council house.

This, though, just tops the damned lot:

The government says it is not planning to bring in a cat to deal with a rat spotted running around Downing Street.

The prime minister’s spokesman said there would not be a replacement for Humphrey, nicknamed "Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office", who died in 2006.

Outrageous and discriminatory, I think you’ll find.

I have contacted the Cat Protection League, whose lawyers are, as we speak, filing a complain with the Equalities and Hoomin Rights Commission.

Power to the pussies!

AJ

All hail the new #Labour overlord

Now the games can really get underway.

AJ

UPDATE: Secret cameras captured Sunday lunch at Chez Miliband last weekend.

AJ

Ian Blair, delusional tool.

This comes via Tom Harris, who is somewhat taken aback at tacitly being branded racist by Ian Blair, formerly New labour’s Top Cop. Blair was forced out, ostensibly for being a useless, politically motivated sack of shit, by Boris Johnson in 2008.

Tom Harris’ gripe is that Blair implies that anyone in the Labour party who isn’t supporting (and funding) Diane Abbott for the leadership is racist.

How, for instance, can Labour Party members not be outraged about the lack of donations to Diane Abbott’s leadership campaign?

Never mind the myriad, perfectly legitimate, reasons for deploring Abbott’s bid, not least that she’s a hard left unilateralist and humongous racist hypocrite herself.

What caught my eye, though, was Blair’s next statement.

And how could London’s Conservative-run Metropolitan Police Authority (MPA) announce recently that the Met is no longer affected by institutional racism?

Well, that sounded somewhat strange to me, because in February 2009, Jack Straw, then Justice Secretary said to the BBC:

"If you are asking me whether I believe the Met as a whole is still institutionally racist, the answer is no."

Yet in the same month, Boris Johnson, Conservative Mayor of London, and chair of the MPA, said:

“It was the anniversary of the death of Stephen Lawrence and we had a very nasty incident, the relic of a very nasty incident, in Belgravia, and this reminds us that racism exists, is alive and is vile and must be stamped out in the police service.”

So I hereby declare Ian Blair’s cretinously partisan piece in the New Statesman to be the epitome of lefty delusion and revisionism.

Happily, no-one whatsoever has to listen to a word the cunt says any more.

AJ

Laugh? Cry? Fucked if I know.

My first reaction was to laugh. I had to think again.

 

WTF? Really? Damn, I’m strong for just driving straight past that McDonalds today, even though I fancied a Big Mac. Yeah.

The logic and ‘science’ in the article is comical in itself. But it was completely eclipsed by the comments that followed it:

Trolling, right?

I wish I could be sure.

AJ

Irony Overload

This, from Anna Racoon, is just glorious.

Con-Dem partnerships can be tricky……

Coalition partners resort to violence.

Liberal-Democrat councillor Christine James has been charged with assault and will appear in Weymouth Magistrate’s Court on September 9^th.

Feeling are running high amongst the tribal ground force. Passions inflamed as agendas are compromised. Who did she assault?

Her alleged victim is believed to be her husband of 19 years and Conservative Borough council colleague, Ian James.

Mr James is a champion of the Weymouth and Portland Domestic Violence and Abuse Forum and sits on the Community Safety Partnership…..

At a borough council meeting earlier this month, Christine James said that campaigners from the Friends of Weymouth Refuge for battered partners had ‘proven that a refuge like this is both relevant and needed.’

*snigger*

AJ

#Climatecamp capers reach the papers

… well, the Guardian Environment blog, which is good enough for me.

Climate Camp had its own Twitter feed of course, but anyone browsing through the #climatecamp hashtag would probably not have got the impression of the day’s events that the spinsters at Climate Camp wanted. Supportive texts were swamped by tweeters ridiculing the activists or even pretending to be them.

Indeed we did. Tee hee.

After polishing Old Holborn’s pole for a while, The Graun concludes:

But the rather presumptuously named @wearethebritish put it most concisely:

He was right.

It is surprising that an organisation that puts so much emphasis on the art of manipulating the media (according to the Climate Camp media pack journalists are "weak and cowardly" and "astoundingly unimaginative") did not think harder about how to use a medium that cuts out the peaky middlemen altogether.

Love it.

AJ

IPSA-daisy

.. and still I’m loving every minute of it.

The details of “bullying” and “intimidating” behaviour towards IPSA workers and volunteers, published by the watchdog in response to Freedom of Information requests, are likely to heighten fears that many MPs have still not accepted the changes made to their expenses system since its widespread abuse was disclosed by The Daily Telegraph more than a year ago.

One thing is for sure. Every time any new legislation is proposed, it’ll be measured by the IPSA yardstick, to see if we’re going to be treated in the way they themselves so despise.

Given how completely indistinct this new bunch are from the old bunch, it’s only a matter of time.

At least the message seems to have sunk in with tired old has-been Tom Harris.

IPSA was born out of panic. It is proof positive that whatever the failings of a headless chicken, it can at least piece together legislation when it’s joined by 649 other headless chickens.

The worst possible time to legislate is in the middle of a crisis; the worst people to draft that legislation are the very same individuals whose behaviour has caused that crisis in the first place.

MPs do not deserve any sympathy for the mess in which we now find ourselves. Nor will we receive it. The mess is entirely of our own making and it is up to us to sort it out. IPSA was an expensive and unnecessary mistake. You should not compound your own mistakes by repeating them or by refusing to admit it was a mistake in the first place.

I wonder when it’ll dawn on the rest of them, if ever.

AJ

One born every day

Melancholy would have been a polite way to describe my mood today, as a result of everything I’d read, seen and heard in the news, on Twitter etc.

Happily, my mood was instantly changed by one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages.

Obo has the full text, so I needn’t reproduce it completely.

It boils down to this: Some fuckwit middle-class nancyboy student who is at the Climate Camp at RBS HQ in Edinburgh had made a complete tit of himself.

Going by the name of Nick Martian on MySpace, and as @GodSaveTheEarth on Twitter, he published an exchange he saw on Twitter, which he goes on to spin into some ludicrous fascist conspiracy that he then published on IndyMedia.

Chief protagonist was forthright and ribald Twitterer @Wearethebritish who chose to brighten up a dull Saturday by winding up the tree-hugging numbskulls who were busy making a nuisance of themselves in Edinburgh. He appears to have scored a direct hit.

Several other twits, myself included, appear to have made into Mr Martian’s copy & pasted Twitter exchange.

His opening statement is just golden.

Right Wing Extremist Spies on Climate Campers with British Army Equipment

There appears to have been a deadly serious game of cat and mouse going on between environmental activists, a local Scottish journalist, and the right wing extremist who has been threatening violence against the Camp for Climate Action in Edinburgh.

Boasting that he is a professional soldier recently returned from fighting in Afghanistan where he says he killed Muslims for reading Islamic literature, and now posting his threats on Twitter under the name “wearethebritish” the extremist claims to have been using British Army military surveillance equipment to spy on the climate campers.

And what would this British Army surveillance equipment be, exactly?

@PoliticalFun "What surveillance equipment you got?"

@wearethebritish because they are so pre-occupied with their obsession all I need is a Mk 1 Eyeball

That’s right. He has eyeballs. Whatever will they think of next? Ah – of course – contact the media via Twitter to alert them to the unfolding story.

 

The commenters on Martian’s post have the measure of things, though.

The author has made an embarrassing idiot of himself

21.08.2010 18:31

Lol. What a muppet. Im going to wipe my arse with Mk1 Toilet paper because i just shat myself laughing

corporal jones

---

Pretty much sums it up.

AJ

Prize-winning audacity and unparalleled delusion. Labour in a nutshell.

You couldn’t have scripted this shit:

Question: who said the following about which administration?

"…the greatest advances in civil liberties of any post-war government…"

Any guesses?

The answer is almost too unbelievable to be true…

They’re right, you know.

The above quote is taken from former Home Secretary and retiring Blackburn MP, Jack Straw’s endorsement of David Milliband yesterday (full text available here). It refers, incredibly, to the government of which both he and the Labour leadership contender were members.

Jack. Straw. ?! Thinks the New Labour government brought about "…the greatest advances in civil liberties of any post-war government…" !?

That’s right readers; the government which:

• Introduced, then fought the ECHR for, the indefinite retention of innocent DNA profiles
• Introduced the Identity Card and National Identity Register
• Tried and failed to increase the length of detention without charge to 90, then 42 days
• Introduced the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act, to allow bureaucrats, councils and quangos to spy on people
• Empowered the police to conduct random stop and searches under Section 44 of the Terrorism Act
• Introduced authoritarian programmes such as control orders, the intercept modernisation programme and the e-borders scheme
• Created a dizzying number of large and unstable state databases from ContactPoint to the Summary Care Record system

In fact, it was none-other than Jack Straw, who tried to remove the right to trial by jury during his time in the Home Office.

Those are some advances, Jack.

By Dylan Sharpe

For further analysis of Straw’s speech and Labour’s record, check out Full Fact’s article here.

Where do these people get the sheer brass nerve to make such assertions with a straight face?

Oh well, bye Jack – don’t hurry back, you wretched old bastard. I’ll pray for you tonight while I’m advising God of the people who need an immediate dose of brain cancer.

AJ

H/T Dick Puddlecote

New recruits in the fight against benefit fraud

AJ

A lefty says what?

A lefty says ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.

An investigation into a tax scandal involving Neil Kinnock’s son Stephen threatens to destroy his glamorous wife’s hopes of becoming Prime Minister of Denmark.

The curse of the Kinnocks has struck again after it emerged that …

Ready?

…Mr Kinnock junior pays taxes in Switzerland – which has the lowest taxes in Europe – and not in Denmark, where his family home is situated but which has the highest tax rates in the world.

It has saved Mr Kinnock and his wife Helle Thorning-Schmidt, leader of Denmark’s Social Democrats, an estimated £40,000 a year.

Well, okay. I condemn no-one for doing all that is reasonable to limit their exposure to tax.

Except…

Mr Kinnock’s wife’s party has called for Denmark’s tax rates to be raised  higher to cope with the recession.

Beautiful beautiful Schadenfreude.

But seriously. They already have the highest tax rates in the world, or so it is claimed above, and the Social Democrats want…

…tax rates to be raised  higher to cope with the recession.

There’s just no reasoning with someone who has such an ideologically distorted view of economics.

Ask Vince Cable, the socialist in charge of the Business department.

AJ

Actions have consequences

I think I have an idea.

 

The team’s coach, Kim Jong-hun, was reportedly forced to become a builder and has been expelled from the Workers’ Party of Korea.

The coach was punished for "betraying" Kim Jong-un – one of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il’s sons and heir apparent.

Fabio? Are you listening? See that hod of bricks? Chop chop, eh?

AJ

The Gates of Hell

LOL. Speaking of being pissed off about a BSOD…

Computerworld – A computer that monitored drilling operations on the Deepwater Horizon had been freezing with a "blue screen of death" prior to the explosion that sank the oil rig last April, the chief electronics technician aboard testified Friday at a federal hearing.

"Blue screen of death," or BSOD, is a term most often used to describe the display shown by Microsoft Windows after a serious crash that has incapacitated a PC.

In his testimony Friday, Michael Williams, the chief electronics technician aboard the Transocean-owned Deepwater Horizon, said that the rig’s safety alarm had been habitually switched to a bypass mode to avoid waking up the crew with middle-of-the-night warnings.

Then we can all agree on this:

AJ

H/T @IanPJ

Failwhale: Pretty good job, actually.

Ahh.. the antarctic right whale.

A couple on a whale-watching trip off Cape Town, South Africa, say they had a lucky escape when a 10m (33ft) specimen leapt on to their yacht.

I remember years ago, Ben Elton used to close one of his stand-up routines with a piece about ‘bio-diversity’ by describing the behaviour of this particular creature.

To cut a long story, short, the whale just tried to shag their boat. And it succeeded to the tune of £8.5k.

Nice work.

AJ

Uses for cats. These are none of them.

Guide cats for the blind, by little known legend Les Barker.

AJ

Too Drunk To Fuck(ing Vote)

Epic work from the new ‘member’ for Upper Cheesewield.

 

AJ

Dropping the kids off at the pool: Ur doin it wrong.

Muahahaha…

I’m sure there’s a whole raft of unacceptable hilarious jokes to be made, but I’ll leave that to others.

AJ

Bitches failed to make sandwiches after England world cup exit

They just don’t get it, do they?

Greater Manchester Police (GMP) recorded 353 incidents on June 27, when England suffered their humiliating 4-1 defeat against Germany.

It is the highest number recorded in a day so far this year, save New Year’s Day, the force said.

Kent Police said it witnessed a 400 per cent rise in cases of domestic abuse on the same day.

There were 26 offences reported in the south Kent area, compared to an average weekend total of six.

In an effort to foresee future outbreaks of sandwich-deficit related bitch-slapping, the police are now proposing monitoring into supermarket stock databases to identify fluctuations in purchases of Stella, bacon and bread.

AJ

All that is wrong

We’ve recently had the story of the Isle of Eigg, which provided us with a hilarious tale of ‘renewable energy’.

Delingpole’s comment on that needs no addendum.

Not even that story was free of its mongnative dissonance, when three days later we read that the island’s project had won a ‘Green Oscar’. And let’s face it, this world is only big enough for ONE Green Oscar.

And this brings me to today’s microcosmic climate comedy.

For brevity. I’ll rehash the story a bit:

The rotary blades on the 30ft (9m) structure have struck at least 14 birds in the past six months – far higher than the one fatality per year predicted by the manufacturer.

Seagulls though. So what?

Headteacher Stuart McLeod was even forced to come into school early to clear up the bodies before his young pupils spotted them.

Oh, the glamorous life of a headteacher. I’m pretty sure that’s not in his job description, so I wouldn’t blame him for being a bit miffed.

School governors consulted seagull eyesight experts and investigated bringing in bird-scaring plastic owls to solve the problem, but to no avail.

Mr McLeod said they had tried everything to stop the carnage but had no choice but to shut the turbine down.

At least they’d enjoyed oodles of free electricity though, eh?

It provided six kilowatts of power an hour.

6kWh? So, when there’s actually any wind (see above), this thing can power 3 kettles, or about 12 computers? And when there’s no wind? Camping stoves and typewriters, I suppose?

Not exactly a return on their investment then. Oh wait, not to worry – it was OUR investment. Pffft, silly me.

The turbine, at Southwell Community Primary School, Portland, was installed 18 months ago thanks to a grant from the Department of Energy and Climate Change.

Because the school would never have put the stupid thing there in the first place if they’d actually had to pay for it and see that they achieved a return on their investment.

The cost-benefit analysis always seems to stack up differently when you’re spending other people’s money, doesn’t it?

AJ