Offensive petitions – an infographic is nothing if not a crucible of confected, escalating offence-taking – usually on behalf of other people who haven’t even been consulted – from whiny, entitled, privileged shitheads.

It is the answer to a question I just found myself asking… “is there a list of all the petty bullshit that people with too much time on their hands and not enough real worries have been getting all pissed off about?”

Yes there is, or rather, yes there are. Using just a small number of search terms on



Search Term Petitions
Offensive 5320
Apologise 990
Apologize 4100
Apologise + Offensive 156
Apologize + Offensive 630
Offensive + Resign 122
Offensive AND (Sack OR Fire) 599
Offensive + Ban 1710

Offensive chopping board, anyone?

Maybe you could use it when preparing food for your offensive picnic? And if you’re taking your baby with you to your picnic, better pack some offensive disposable nappies. Just don’t be irresponsible enough to let your child feast on offensive chocolate. Or to give the child any of your offensive Bacardi.

If you’re handing Bacardi round, though, you may make so many dreadful new friends that you need 127 offensive greetings cards.

So much whining, so little sense of perspective.


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