Dear Tories, Go Fuck Yourselves.

If I had voted Tory at the last general election, as I most certainly did not, now is about the time I’d be starting to feel really fucking stupid.

They’ve barely been in charge for 5 minutes, yet they’ve managed to abandon all the policies, promises and pledges that might vaguely have appealed to me, or at least to the traditional conservative.

As if that’s not depressing enough, they rub our faces in it by being as good as their word on the most hideous, interfering, statist articles of Social Democratic endarkenment that they’d promised us.

Take Mr Andrew Lansley, who got a brief mention the other day.

In February, Obo wrote a post about one of Lansley’s proposals, and he tackled the subject with his usual uncompromising aplomb.

Hannan and Carswell are regarded as utter fucking lunatics by the Tory leadership, who prefer to have policies like this instead:

Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Health Secretary, has launched the Conservative Party’s new green paper on public health – A Healthier Nation.
The Green Paper outlines how we will tackle Britain’s public health crisis by completely overhauling Labour’s failing system of dealing with public health.

Okaaaaayyyy …

Much greater responsibility for tackling problems like obesity, drug use and teenage pregnancy will be devolved to communities on a new payment-by results basis, with extra rewards for improving the public health of the poorest. In spending their dedicated public health budgets, communities will be obliged to partner with local bodies, like schools, businesses, councils and GPs.

I’m sorry, Mr Lansley, but just chucking the word "devolved" in there doesn’t fucking mean shit, you mendacious cunt. And what’s with this "partnering" cockwaffle? Obliged? So if my local trust doesn’t want to "partner", fuck them anyway? How is that "devolution", you lying fuck?

There will be a new focus on innovative strategies, with national campaigns harnessing the latest behaviour change research and delivered by providers who are paid by results. We will provide prizes for ‘open source’ suggestions for successful new public health strategies.

No. No. No. Just fucking NO!

And as assuredly as anything ‘good’ has been abandoned, everything ‘bad’ is being pursued with relish, and to the letter.


Schools, employers, the food and drink industry and communities themselves are being urged to do their bit to make the nation healthier.

Ministers said they wanted to unlock the potential of all sections of society in setting out their plans.

Projects being promoted include everything from bike training in schools to voluntary cuts in salt and fat content by food manufacturers.

I’m sorry? What? I seem to recall the last 10 years have been marked by schools forcing kids to have ‘healthy’ school meals, intruding into packed-lunch items in search of contraband calories, by the drinks industry being forced to adopt “Drink Aware” bollocks and food manufacturers ruining every damned item of food they’ve sold by replacing all the fat, salt and sugar with sawdust and grubs.

And as if companies don’t already do enough interfering and hectoring of their staff?

But no, it’s not enough. Andrew Lansley thinks there’s still some way to go. Still some potential to be unlocked. Because we’re not absolutely fucking miserable and downtrodden yet, so there must be pockets of joy, fun and indulgence that have remained beyond the reach of the bully-state.

Good job the Big Society is here to make sure that everyone is equally, and irrevocably miserable.

Isn’t this just the most New Labour thing you ever heard? Heir to Blair indeed.

If you voted for this, you’re a fucking idiot and I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.


UPDATE: TimDog (in the comments below, the filthy linkwhore) has written a very good piece on this.


13 thoughts on “Dear Tories, Go Fuck Yourselves.

  1. “Isn’t this just the most New Labour thing you ever heard? Heir to Blair indeed.”

    I’m impressed. Thought it’d take them much, much longer to break cover and reveal themselves for the ghastly, hectoring little control-freaks they are…

  2. Timdog: It’s not even based on nudging, one of the authors said on Radio 4 last week that what Cameron’s lot are proposing has nothing whatsoever to do with his theory. They’re just another set of fucking bullies punishing the poor (that *is* the effect of hiking duty on cigs and alcohol, after all).

    Great piece, Al.

  3. Dick, inevitably they will have misunderstood the theory and ballsed it up, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying to apply it. These are cretinous politician mongs after all, this is highly likely. As you say, the effect is ultimately fucking the poor over, and interfering with people’s lives in just the same way as the previous shower.

    Indeed an excellent piece.

  4. I confess, it was me, It did it, I voted for them ><

    Pretty much on the basis that, while they might be useless , they were not Labour. How stupid was I to get such as basic fact wrong!

  5. Having said that, although the general population in Europe appear to be getting more and more “right wing” (Switzerland, Sweden, Holland, etc), the Dictatorshipsa appear, in converse proportion, to be distancing themselves from what the public, and voter, wants, and turning into later day greenish Jo Stalins.

  6. No I didn’t vote “Conservative” in May although I did hold my nose and vote Conservative in 2005.

    This time I had 2 thought experiments for Cameron to see whether or not he really is the piece of pink excrement I always thought he was: would Bercow still be Sqeaker after the election and would Suzi Leather still be in post at the Charities Commission by Christmas? Well, Bercow’s still there polluting politics and, I know it’s only 1 December, but like the Met Office declaring 2010 the warmist year ever!!!! after only 11 months, I think I can be confident that Suzi will still be at the Commission at Christmas this year – and probably next year as well. In fact, like the faithful member of the political class that she is, she’s there until she wishes to go elsewhere to be paid even more generously by the taxpayer.

    So yes, Cameron is a CINO using his alliance with the LibDems to further policies he favours and would have found marginally more difficult to apply had the “Conservatives” achieved a majority in the Commons. He might plead that he is constrained to apply LibDem policies – and abandon policies supported by his core vote – because he wishes to keep the LibDems on board but, in reality, what’s in it for the LibDems to leave the coalition to join up with Labour? They wouldn’t get any more out of Ed than they are already getting from Dave – and they certainly wouldn’t be able to affect the influence over Labour of its paymasters in the unions. Accordingly, Dave is very happy. He’s been able to change his electorate and thus been able to tell his hitherto core vote to – in your ineffable headline – go f*** themselves.

  7. Only if they allowed me to take a long,leisurely and pungent leak into the ballot box would I feel I had been allowed to “vote” according to my conscience.

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