Honest assessment

I’ve pretty much seen both extremes of the ideas posited here. Neither extreme is particularly conducive to a good relationship. But then, neither is being an intransigent git, like me.


Take a long hard look at the man in your life. Yes him, the one lounging on the sofa, half-comatose in front of Midsomer Murders. Do you ever find yourself wishing he had a little more get-up-and-go, showed a bit more testosterone-fuelled drive, was – dare I say it – a touch more, you know, manly?

Is he passive rather than active? Does he leave most decision-making to you? Do you feel irritated that he happily fusses around in the kitchen when guests come for supper, but expects you to remember to take out the bins and fill the car with petrol?

If so, then chances are, you only have yourself to blame. A new survey by Oxford University has revealed that women are attracted to men they believe will help out with household chores and childcare. British men came third, after Swedes and Norwegians, in an international egalitarian index.

The survey concluded that our menfolk make the best husbands – which doesn’t quite tally with the fact that 45 per cent of marriages end in divorce. But, according to a leading relationship coach, a great many relationship disasters stem from the fact that modern women are turning their husbands hermaphrodite.

No longer sure of their role, these "egalitarian" men have been left straddling the gender divide and are becoming male-female hybrids, in some cases displaying far more feminine characteristics than their partners.

"Some women have become ball-breakers," says Francine Kaye, known professionally as The Divorce Doctor, with an eponymous website. "It’s not entirely our fault, because the demands of the workplace have changed us, and brought out our more masculine side. But unfortunately we’re taking that home with us every evening into the domestic sphere, and often bullying our men into submission."

Read on, for some more interesting truths, although, the article fails to take account of the feminising effect of the modern education system.



6 thoughts on “Honest assessment

  1. This is bollocks.

    According to their quiz I’m basically a woman, but that ignores the fact that I’m sole earner, the one that keeps everyone sane, the one who sets the moral tone for the family etc. There’s many different ways to be a man, and a woman for that matter, if I tried to alpha around the place I’d be a cock, and a lonely cock at that. Work me is very different and I get shit done, but this article is just lazy cockwaffle and I’m quite surprised to see it on your blog really.

  2. I wouldn’t set much store by the quiz.

    Nor do I think she’s advocating ‘alphaing around the place’.

    So you don’t recognise the propositions put forward in the article. That’s fine – good for you.

    I’m telling you that I *do* recognise them. I’ve experienced these dynamics in my own relationships and those of others.

    I was married to a woman who tried that ball-breaker shit on me. It didn’t last, because I wouldn’t put up with it, and she wasn’t emotionally intelligent enough to see any other way.

    I’ve had a girlfriend who was so passive and feminine I almost wanted to go off with a bloke instead.

    So, just because you think it’s lazy cockwaffle, don’t make it so, eh?

    • OK, so I have held back my usual instincts of wading in to defend myself and re-read the article first, and I think I was harsh on it (maybe after 11 hours at work was the wrong time to read it). There are indeed some valid points contained within.

      I guess my initial reaction was triggered the fact that I don’t actually know anyone to whom any of this applies. I do have a couple of passive mates, married to fairly ball-breaking women, but it suits both of them, and they were like that anyway. There is one chap who is clearly being manipulated and removed from his friends by his wife, but this guy has self-esteem issues up the ying-yang and is I think just grateful to have anyone actually want him. Equally, amongst my parents’ friends etc., I can’t think of any examples really. Maybe I and my friends are just fortunate.

      Anyway, I retract most of my original comment as it was not well thought out, and I appreciate the response. And your point on the feminising effect of schools is bang on, that was happening when I were a lad and I’m sure it’s got worse.

  3. This article is something I’ve been waiting to see pop up for a while now, and I’m glad it’s finally surfacing. It’s a major sub-cultural issue in our society and it’s really having an underground effect upon society and our collective well-being.

    Back in 2005 after I a relationship break-down (read: I was dumped) I faced a turning point in my life. From this I quickly found ‘the seduction community’. Essentially it’s a community of men (and some women) who group together online and in real life to study the art of seduction & attraction. It’s a murky, sometimes dark world which can exploit animal/ego programming in human biology but it definitely is an incredibly fascinating world. From entering this ‘community’ (as it’s self-referenced by members) I learned an insane amount on the fundamentals of social attraction and basically how to interact with females. The teachers and leaders of this industry (known as PUAs: Pick Up Artists) often recite on and on about the emasculation of men in a post-feminist world and how in actual fact, we are designed to work in tandem with each other but from within our separate gender types. In basic rudimentary terms; ‘men be the men, women be the women’.

    My education then exposed how much in error I was in my past relationships and that going forward I would need to incorporate much of the psychology these guys were teaching if I was ever to have a healthy, sustainable, loving relationship.

    But, it is a shady world, with very few legitimate, respectable experts and I did experience a lot of darkness, which led to me dropping out. Eventually I segued into a more spiritual, higher perspective via a new teacher who revealed the many mistakes the community makes.

    However, the core lessons stay with me and shed light on so many issues I see with male/female relationships in 2010. This article hits the nail on the head; the one instinctive turn-off for a man is a woman of critical, nagging character. My sister, god bless her, has been single for a long time, and I know it’s because of her bossy boots, know-it-all, condescending personality. Granted, she is a sparkling law student destined for a high flying career in the bar, but still, I feel sorry for her. She needs to lighten up, and so do so many of her contemporaries.

    A weak man, which I once was (alongside being a Leftist), is viewed with incredible contempt by virile women. And witnessing guys self-castrate in front of their girlfriends and other women is embarrassing and worrying; for the happiness of society, for balance and for the simple continuation of the human species. Furthermore, consider the children of these men, with eunic’s for fathers. Manhood is in danger.

    I’m grateful back in 2005 I had my life-changing epiphany, that led to me last year accepting I had become a Conservative (a great change). Now I believe I see the world in more true way and it’s a place where strength is of great importance as a prerequisite for respect, harmony and equality between the sexes.

    It’s not ideal to be rigid about our roles, some flexibility, nuance and emotional intelligence is needed. But women must be more willing to relax & let go, but we as men must step up and help them do so first.

    This entire relationship/cultural issue is a demonstration of where egalitarianism, when taken to far, to literally will take us. And an example of why left politics is so often, utterly wrong in it’s estimation of reality. And the results are akin to shooting oneself in one’s foot.

    ‘Women and Men are not equals, but instead, complementary to one another’ – Seduction Community Phrase

  4. As usual, most of the quiz questions can not be applied to the way my family runs.

    As to cooking, I have worked in, and around kitchens from Porter, to Sweets chef, to pastry and breakfast chef, and chefs assistant. My Wife is a secretary.

    Which would YOU trust with a soufflé?

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