Don’t ban the vuvuzela – ban banning stuff.

Okay. I admit. It sucks massive balls. The vuvuzela is the new ‘thing’ at this world cup.


It sounds like a thousand flies feasting on an Ethiopian child.

According to it is “SA football’s beautiful noise” which is much like saying the sound of glass being smashed into people’s faces is English football’s beautiful noise.

Teh clpwn has words on this matter. Their gaff, their rules. And so say I.

Because as much as I may loathe and detest the racket, I am massively cheered by how much it’s winding some other people up.

But the depressing corollary is this:


Two points here:

1) It would, surely, be child’s play for broadcasters to use some sort of audio filtering technology, be it a band-stop filter or noise cancelling to attenuate the noise for TV viewers.

2) As Sepp Blatter pointed out earlier on twatter, “Would you want to see a ban on the fan traditions in your country?”

Now, that’s problematic because it could be hugely tempting to pursue a ban on England flags, beer bellies, football shirts, air horns and such-like. But that’s because I harbour latent antipathy to football and the culture that surrounds it in England.

Enthusiatic England fans, though, should consider Blatter’s question carefully.

In the meantime, moaners should feel free to invest in ear-plugs. Their complaining is drowning out the sound of the vuvuzelas.


UPDATE: Even the Daily Mail sees the sense in my suggestions.

South African shopkeepers have reported a boom in earplug sales as visiting fans try to avoid the noise at matches.

Meanwhile, help could be at hand for TV viewers put off by the constant droning – an internet download promises to eliminate the sound from broadcasts.

The website,, says: ‘This is your chance to enjoy the FIFA World Cup 2010 WITHOUT the annoying vuvuzela noise!

‘Get rid of the vuvuzela noise through active noise cancellation.’

Well blow me down with a jungle trumpet.


10 thoughts on “Don’t ban the vuvuzela – ban banning stuff.

  1. @Al-Jahom “Now, that’s problematic because it could be hugely tempting to pursue a ban on England flags, beer bellies, football shirts, air horns and such-like.”

    Not problematic for me

    Bring it on!

  2. The sound of the vuvuzela was drowned out by the sound of thousands of english fans having a good whinge after the USA match. I laughed like a fucking monkey when Rob Green dropped that ball into the net, and just to make matters worse Lugs Lineker Ex striker and BBC pundit almost has the poor cunt lined up to take over from Maradonna has english footballs public enemy no 1. Maradonna was the hand of God, you can bet if Englands results get any worse Rob Green will become the hand of Clod and the poor fucker doesn’t sound like a bad bloke. Some famous goalkeepers came out after the match and admitted they made worse mistakes, maybe the sound of the vuvuzelas fucked his head up in any event some of the arrogant cunts in england will never forgive him if Englands soccer fortunes hit the rocks.

    • On Green, I’m given to understand he’s the GK with the most unforced errors in the Premiership. To take him along was Capello’s first mistake.

      Also, if he’d saved that, I’d not have won any cash on Saturday. :o)

  3. is a scam site. Downloading an MP3 and expecting it to be have a perfect frequency match and to be perfectly in synce of the sound coming out of your TV is expecting pigs to fly. Absolute crap. Basically you’re paying for 45minutes of Vuvuzela noise. You might as well flush £2 down the loo. Try and read their returns policy. The site is plastered across everywhere and for the little amount of money they will be racking it in and with the price so low pissed off customers will just shrug as it’s not worth trying to claim it back.

    Yes the sound could be filtered out with a band-stop/notch filter. However it will also cut out a lot of the sound at the frequency range too. You might as well just turn down the audio on your TV and listen to the commentary on the radio (assuming the radio doesn’t have the background noise).

    Yes the sound could be filtered by noise cancellation techniques, but it requires the electronics to be in the football ground to listen to the Vuvuzela noise directly so it would be up to the TV companies to perform the noise cancellation.

    My answer? I don’t watch the football and so it doesn’t bother me! :-)

  4. SadButMadLad has a good point.

    I believe that the musical SteveShark has explained how this rather limited instrument emits only one note, this being Bb below Middle C; for the non (un?) musical, this is slap bang in the normal human voice range, so filtering without weird results does appear to be a bit of a problem.

    What puzzled me is why people would go to a football match to blow Bb for ninety minutes rather than watch the game. Then I watched Italy v Paraguay and understood.

    How are Scotland doing, BTW?

  5. Good points chaps.

    And actually, after 3 days or so, I’m rather acclimatising to the sound – it’s just another ambient noise to get used to, like going from the country to the city.

    Just in time for the bansturbators to get their way, just as everyone stops noticing the noise.

    Re the antivuvuzela thing, well caveat emptor, fool & his money etc. I’ve not tried it because I’m not really that bothered. I have a remote control that provides me with myriad options.

    If the Saffers are truly enterprising, it’ll have been them behind the ‘scam’ all along, and I’d laugh heartily.

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