Weaponised Phones for the Elderly

I’d really quite like to see one of these in action.


No biggie, right? Meh, right?


The Geemarc Clearsound CL8200 has a top volume of 1,000 decibels, roughly the same as a speeding train, as well as large buttons.

Now, let’s give the fuckwit at The Times the benefit of the doubt just for one moment.

Let’s just suppose that there’s a phone, that costs £90, and produced 1000 decibels.

A German Dane has done the calculations for us, and foretells that to produce a sound of 1 second length at 1000dB would require more energy than the sun will provide in its lifetime.

Elsewhere, let’s see how that 1000dB stacks up:


Environmental Noise

Weakest sound heard 0dB
Whisper Quiet Library 30dB
Normal conversation (3-5′) 60-70dB
Telephone dial tone 80dB
City Traffic (inside car) 85dB
Train whistle at 500′, Truck Traffic 90dB
Subway train at 200′ 95dB
Level at which sustained exposure may result in hearing loss 90 – 95dB
Power mower at 3′ 107dB
Snowmobile, Motorcycle 100dB
Power saw at 3′ 110dB
Sandblasting, Loud Rock Concert 115dB
Pain begins 125dB
Pneumatic riveter at 4′ 125dB
Even short term exposure can cause permanent damage – Loudest recommended exposure WITH hearing protection 140dB
Jet engine at 100′, Gun Blast 140dB
Death of hearing tissue 180dB
Loudest sound possible 194dB

So, err. No. The Times are monkey fools who know dick about science.

Meanwhile, here’s a muppet at the The Tellygiraffe who knows dick about technology.


Updated thanks to Sluggy pedantry.


About Al Jahom
Anti-social malcontent, misanthrope and miserable git.

10 Responses to Weaponised Phones for the Elderly

  1. JuliaM says:

    Good catch!

    I’m with the iPhone reviewer on that no. 5 though…

  2. Al Jahom says:

    unless HTC phones have improved markedly in the last 12 months, then bollocks. :o)

  3. Timdog says:

    Nice one, most amusing.

    Not sure I follow for the iphone though, I would agree with most of those points, am I missing something?

  4. saltedslug says:

    Point of order: that German is Danish.
    That is all.

  5. To refer to 1000 deciBels is meaningless. A deciDel is a dimensionless unit and to have some meaning should have a reference level noted ie dBA for acoustics and then use what they refer to to give us the absolute level.


  6. Chuckles says:

    ‘A deciDel is a dimensionless unit and to have some meaning should have a reference level’

    Lucky it wasn’t decibels then, otherwise it would be quite loud? Oh, and it seems there’s 10 of them.

  7. BM says:

    Well it looks like the Times has corrected its typo.

  8. Chalcedon says:

    Hmmmmmm, it’s a log scale isn’t it? :-)

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