Ah, Mr Alexander. Come in, sit down.

We’ve been looking at your CV, lad. What is it you think you can bring to the role of Chief Secretary to the Treasury?

Well, I share the former Secretary’s antipathy tae pot plants. It’s not acceptable tae have drugs cultivated in the Treasury.

Ah, very good Danny. Pardon me, may I call you Danny?

Aye, very good.

Good. Now look here, Mr Alexander. As you’ll no doubt be aware, the err … outgoing … err that is to say… exiting Chief Secretary was a very able man. VP at JP Morgan, MD at Barclays de Zoete Wedd, Policy Director for the Lib Dems and co-editor of the Orange Book.

Now, I’ve been looking around in my briefcase, because I know I have your CV somewhere here, but all I can find is this drawing my daughter must have put in there this morning. A sort of smiling orange with legs and a briefcase.

Ah – no sir. That is my CV. I thought it would distinguish me from the crowd and, evidently, it worked.

I see. Would that it were, Alexander. The thing is this, you see. Orders have come down from the top level. Our preferred candidates are unacceptable to the shareholders. Seems your gib is the sort of cut they’re looking for.

There is just one other thing though, Danny.

What’s that, sir?

Says here you married a Hoar. Tell me more, would you?

Yes I did, sir. Rebecca. A fine lassie she is too.

I see. And is she still a Hoar?

She took my name when we married, but she’ll always be a Hoar at heart, sir.

Well… I suppose it’s better than a gayer.

Danny, you’re hired. Bring your wife over to my place for drinks tonight. Wife’s away, I insist.

I’m sorry sir, I have a prior engagement this evening.

Of course you have, Danny. I’d be delighted to entertain your lovely wife, though. £800 okay is it?

AJ

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About Al Jahom
Anti-social malcontent, misanthrope and miserable git.

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