Apparently, the Eurozone will be permitting Cameron no honeymoon period.


Shocked European ministers are preparing for emergency talks to shore up the euro after markets fell in reaction to panic measures in Germany.

Angela Merkel stunned EU capitals by warning that the euro was in danger and triggered fears of a fresh financial meltdown by announcing a ban on risky trading practices by speculators. The German Chancellor’s actions opened up new cracks in the single currency, drawing sharp criticism from France and prompting Brussels to issue an appeal for unity.

Shares in London plunged by nearly 3 per cent, with similar falls in Paris, Berlin and Madrid. The euro plummeted to a new low against the dollar before making a slight recovery.

European finance ministers, who have just hammered out a massive rescue plan for Greece, will hear controversial calls from Germany at a meeting tomorrow for changes to the Lisbon treaty to give Brussels powers to co-ordinate national budgets.

Well, that’s our ‘in’ for a referendum, right there. Sweet.

Ms Merkel believes that the EU should have stronger powers to organise the “orderly insolvency” of countries such as Greece that set giveaway budgets with no means of paying for them.

That’s us, that is.


After announcing a ban on speculative share trading in Germany’s top financial institutions and the bonds of Eurozone countries until next March,

Question. What is to stop US and Far Eastern markets shorting them instead?

she warned: “This challenge is existential and we have to rise to it. The euro is in danger. If we don’t deal with this danger, then the consequences for us in Europe are incalculable . . . If the euro fails, then Europe fails.”

Rubs hands together and cackles gleefully.


So where does Cameron come into it?

Her apocalyptic warning came as David Cameron prepared for his first visit as Prime Minister to Paris and Berlin, where he is likely to come under pressure to commit more British funds to EU bailout programmes.

Aha! Ich denke nicht, Frau Merkin. Va niquer ta mère, Monsieur Sarcoma.

Ms Merkel may have intended her words to be a rallying cry to stop the crisis of confidence spreading from Greece to Portugal, Spain and Italy. But the markets were shaken because Germany is seen as the bedrock of the euro, which was introduced just ten years ago and now covers 16 countries.


Wait! I know what to do! Let’s… wait. what??

Wolfgang Schäuble, the German Finance Minister, called for an urgent rewriting of the eurozone rulebook.

Yeah – let’s bin the basis on which we’ve thus far gulled investors into the Eurozone. Let’s make up something new, that won’t cause a massive revaluation of every single foreign investment in the EU.

Better still, let’s make the market work better by strangling and torturing it some more. Perhaps even a little waterboarding.

He told the Financial Times: “I’m convinced the markets are really out of control. That is why we need really effective regulation, in the sense of creating a properly functioning market mechanism.”

Herman Van Rompuy, the European Council Haiku President, said “Market working wrong. Its body is sclerotic. Let’s shake it some more.”



About Al Jahom
Anti-social malcontent, misanthrope and miserable git.

3 Responses to EuroStench

  1. Chalcedon says:

    The Americans say the IMF will NOT bailout Greece. So I read yesterday. The experiment is on the verge of collapse. I wouldn’t waste our tax money on it if I were PM

  2. Falco says:

    “I’m convinced the markets are really out of control.”

    Says it all really, they think they can control the markets!

    Bad markets! The Euro is worth more than that because we say so!

  3. Rightwinggit says:

    “Frau Merkin”

    I saw what you did there.

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