How to find stuff out: Free researchers

Asking people questions rarely elicits the answers you are looking for, whether it’s because you’re asking the wrong person, you’re failing to frame the question correctly, or you’re asking one of those cunts who says ‘Google is your friend’**

No, my experience in personal and professional dealings, particularly with as wide an audience as exists on the intermong, there’s an altogether quicker way to find out just about anything:

  1. Make a bald assertion, based on your intuition and an educated guess.
  2. Frame the assertion an ostentatious and contentious way.
  3. Within less time than a Google search takes, your remarks will be responded to.
  4. You have flushed out a pedantic know-it-all cunt, or as Malcolm Gladwell calls them, a doyen.
  5. This fervent individual may perhaps start with some ad hominem abuse, but will soon move on to providing you with a barrage of links, statistics and references to the subject in hand, together with an executive summary.
  6. You then digest this info and make a judgement.

Note that this approach intrinsically requires the ability to weight evidence and change your mind.

Don’t forget to thank the pedantic know-it-all cunt doyen for their help and enlightenment.

I shall be testing my theory anon, to see if you’re paying attention.


** Google is not your friend, you stupid twat. Nor are you mine.


About Al Jahom
Anti-social malcontent, misanthrope and miserable git.

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