High Speed Rubber-Bullet Train to reach north coast of England

The government have announced a new rail link that will take passengers to the far north of England in record time.


New lines will be established, enabling the new ‘Rubber Bullet’ trains to reach speeds of up to 420mph. Accounting for engineering works outside Watford, this will reduce the travel time from London to Birmingham to 4 hours.

However, senior members of the RMT expressed concern. Experts cited new scientific evidence that no human can travel at more than 25 mph without suffering loss of blood to the brain, and asphyxiation.

This ultramodern, silent, high-speed electric train is due to come on-stream in 2015. The Depratment of Transport denied that these trains will run on the same sort of electricity we’ll be running out of in 2015.

Plans are already underway for the grand opening ceremony, which will comprise a nationwide display of turning all our lights off.


On a similar note is Behind Blue Eyes.


About Al Jahom
Anti-social malcontent, misanthrope and miserable git.

2 Responses to High Speed Rubber-Bullet Train to reach north coast of England

  1. Ethan says:

    As an ethnic Welsh Brummie born ‘dawn sarf in Lunnon tahn’. My opinion is that I can’t think of anything, ANYTHING ‘oop north’ thats worth rushing up there for. Certainly nothing that won’t wait 30 minutes more.
    Then again unless I’m on expenses I don’t use trains. It’s cheaper to drive.
    Heck you can buy a banger, tax, insure, mot fuel it and drive to your destination and back. Sell the vehicle and get the Retrun Prem / Tax disc refund. And travel for less than the train fare.
    I mean 40 quid return London Colchester. It would cost me about 8 quid in LPG to drive that but take maybe 35 minutes more. Not a hard decision. Fewer drunken passengers and pools of vomit in my car too.

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