Compare the Mongoose

image

Basement cat sees no need to choose.

If you’ve not seen Banded Brothers on BBC2, you’ve missed a treat.

AJ

Cameron’s speech

Even at his best, I find Cameron to be less than inspiring. These days I can barely watch him deliver a speech or a commons performance. The tendency is to watch between the fingers of one hand, while alternately chewing the other knuckle in sheer cringing terror and chortling at the inevitable comeuppance. Sort of like watching CCTV footage of your mother-in-law being gang-raped.

But having seen James Delingpole’s post:

image

Still expecting nothing more than vacuous toss about change, delivered by an accomplished photocopier salesman, I decided I should have a look at Spam’s last stand.  Here are my notes:

I see he’s sticking with the theme of using the cast of Sesame Street as his backdrop. Not sure why.

Twenty minutes in and I’m hearing nothing but nebulous toss. Get to the sodding point, Spambo.

Next he’s on about loving the NHS. Fucking hell.

Education, education, education. Joy.

Pish joke about Hague’s Wilberforce book.

Welfare. Compassionate Conservatives. Vomit. Pustulant discharge.

Pensioners. Dave shares their frustration. Perhaps his prostate isn’t holding up so well.

So he’s raising the retirement age.

MPs expenses. Welling up. Terrible business. 3rd rate Tony Blair impression.

“Time to put our government on a diet.” I personally favour amputation and napalm burns.

“Giving people control over their lives.” We so pleased, Masser Dave – that it’s in your gift to give us control of our lives.

“We are in a deep hole.” You’re not fucking kidding. What’s the shovel fo.. oh wait – I get it.

“I think people also want a frankness.” Uh huh?

“The fact is people are fed up with the soft-soaping and the slogans and the soundbites”

image

image

image

image

Let me repeat that. “The fact is people are fed up with the soft-soaping and the slogans and the soundbites”

Do go on, Dave. I understand you have more gifts for us.

“We need to give people a sense that being a citizen of Britain is not just about paying your taxes and obeying the law. It’s about being part of something bigger than yourself.”

Could prove troubling if you’re sat next to Peter Griffin Eric Pickles. 

Thank fuck he’s wrapping up now. I’ve been growing nictitating membranes here.

“I want you to think of the incredible dark depression of Gordon Brown, and say ‘No, no, we’re not going to do that.’”

Do you really Dave? Marvellous. Perhaps some kind of inspirational message promising recovery, freedom, abundance and virgins could swing it. If only you’d spent the past 30 minutes without uttering anything remarkable at all.

“Come on then! Let’s get out there and win it for Britain.”

This is fucking inspired. Did Ricky Gervais write the whole thing as a Pilot of ‘The Cabinet Office’? /snark

Oh good – here’s Iain Dale to give us his malleable insight.

Frankly I’m convinced that Delingpole and I watched totally different speeches.

As an aside, did you know that the E-savvy Tories don’t even own the conservatives.co.uk domain name. It’s been held by a broker since 1998.

AJ

Unleashing the forces of enterprise?!

image

What are they drinking?? Fehling Solution?

There’s really only one possible response:

AJ

Why, oh why, oh why?

… has the Tory lead utterly collapsed?

Well, you could pop over to The Times and read this simpering bunch of toss.

Or, you could go over to Obo’s place and read an altogether more powerful and incisive analysis.

This has me rocking back and forth in the corner of my office, keening. More "tough measures". More fucking telling people how to live their lives. More officious government diktats.

The Cuntservative Party already has libertarian-inclined MPs, MPs who have laid out their suggestions in a clear, easy-to-follow book. These MPs already have media presence, a fan base and a lot of attention. And DING and his merry dingbats are heading in the exact opposite direction.

So, for those of you who have tried to convince me that the thing to do is join the Tories and fix things from within and in the nicest possible way: fuck off. You’re the mirror image of tribal Labour voters for whom the party can do no wrong.

You guys are the exact same type of people who have allowed Labour to arserape the country into a fucking zombie movie: my party above all, including fucking sanity.

How the fuck can you cunts dare to tell me that I should vote for this bunch of bullying statists because voting for the other bunch of bullying statists is some fucking terrible crime?

David Cameron is just as unprincipled and dangerous as Tony Blair. And he can fuck right off.

And that just about wraps it up. What I will not do, under any circumstances, is vote Labour, like Obo and others are now proposing.

AJ

A future fail for all

It’s only a few days ago that I pointed this out:

image

A security company based in Essex is to be given some police powers to tackle anti-social behaviour.

Regency provides security staff at shopping centres

And today, via @PoliceStateUK on Twitter, we see precisely the sort of total fucking bell-end these powers are to be dished out to.

image

And just so we’re sure that real plod are much more sensible and tactful:

Geraghty-Shewan said: “He said there was no way of proving what I was doing was innocent.

“I told him Ben was my own son and that he was blowing everything out of proportion.

“Five or 10 minutes later a police officer approached and asked for my name and address.

“I raised my voice, as I was getting a little annoyed by this stage, and he threatened to arrest me for breach of the peace.

Fuck’s sake.

In a statement The Bridges said safety was taken “very seriously” at all its shopping centres.

The statement said: “We do ask our security guards across the estate to be diligent in implementing our security measures, which includes monitoring photography in our centres.

“Unfortunately on this occasion what should have been a simple polite conversation led to a misunderstanding and we apologise for any offence caused.

Too little. Too late. You total and utter retards. Have you sacked this little Paedofinder General fuckbasket? I’ll bet not.

AJ

And so the bleating begins

I’ve already said my piece about these trivial and distracting cuts the BBC is to make. (The Times leader also has it nailed).

The riders of the gravy-train are non-plussed.

image

The BBC’s plans to shut two radio stations and close half its website were in chaos yesterday as musicians vowed to stop the closure of 6 Music and unions threatened to strike over job cuts.

I can sense the righteous likes of Radioshed and Blurb all over this shit.

Appropriately enough, this story is in the Entertainment section of the Times website. LOL.

Broadcasting unions leaked the contents of meetings with senior BBC staff yesterday that confirmed the Times report. They have threatened industrial action over 600 potential job losses.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for 6Music listeners, though, and a valuable indicator of BBC bloat:

There was interest, however, from the BBC’s commercial rivals. Clive Dickens, the head of Absolute Radio, said that the station would bid to buy 6 Music from the BBC. Absolute has double the listeners of 6 Music, but less than half the budget. *

Quite.

Mr Dickens said: “We would buy 6 Music from the BBC, both the brand and the network, and we’d run it more efficiently than they’ve been doing.”

Can you imagine the cosseted BBC numpties’ panic at the idea of having to worry about stuff like budgets, sponsors, competition etc? One can but smirk.

We need to accept that this is precisely what should happen to the entire BBC.

Sadly, though, not all in the future garden is rosy. I’ve listened to Absolute. The sheer volume of government information adverts on there makes it even more of a Labour mouthpiece than even the fucking BBC. And don’t think the Tories wouldn’t use the same methods to ‘nudge’ their target demographics.

The BBC will admit that the average age of its listeners, 35, is valuable to advertisers on commercial stations.

Yeah – 6Music listeners – that’s 700,000 savvy, middle-class pissheads, smokers, drivers of big cars. How could they resist?

AJ

UPDATE:

* I suppose it’s worth making the distinction that 6Music is a digital only station (DAB, Interweb, cable & satellite) whereas you can actually listen to Absolute on, you know, a radio. I reckon if 6 Music got an FM broadcast, the listenership would double or treble, just on in-car listeners.

This is indicative of the total fucking shambles that is DAB radio in the UK, in which the dead hand of the BBC is central. And there are already noises about supplementing (and probably replacing) DAB with DRM. So that’s four DAB equipped devices I have that’ll become deprecated or completely useless soon after 2012. Nice work, fuckers.

UPDATE 2: JuliaM displays her usual aplomb in slicing up the special pleadings for BBC Asian Network that are emerging.

BBC: Useless mongs

So the BBC are going to prune some of it’s services – and not before time.

image

So what is it closing down?

will announce the closure of the digital radio stations 6 Music and Asian Network

Errr okay – closing Asian Network, but 6Music? What? That’s the only fucking decent BBC radio station.

What about BBC Alba (Scots Gaelic TV), 1extra (black music), BBC Radio 7 (fuck knows what it’s for) and BBC3 (Dave-alike)?

Dicks. Ah well – one can only hope that utter fuckbag George Lamb is a casualty of this move.

AJ

%d bloggers like this: