An oldie but goody… taking a cat to the vet…

Shamelessly stolen from an old thread on Pistonheads.com.

Yearly booster time for the furry killing machine that I call a cat.

Joy. So.

  • Find the cat.
  • Find the catbox.
  • Find the cat again.
  • Introduce cat to catbox.
  • Cat goes in the cat box quietly (this should have been a warning to me)
  • Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
  • Shut door.
  • Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
  • Cat mieows.
  • Select reverse.
  • Cat explodes from catbox like that thing from Alien.
  • Cat runs around car shedding fur.
  • Open door.
  • Cat escapes.
  • Go into house and find parcel tape.
  • Tape box up securely.
  • Find the cat again.
  • Catch cat.
  • Introduce cat to catbox.
  • Cat goes in the cat box with a hell of a struggle.
  • Tape up wounds in hands.
  • Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
  • Shut door.
  • Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine is still running).
  • Select reverse and get the car off the drive.
  • Cat rips through parcel tape like the hulk, scaring the crap out off me.
  • Car runs around the car in a panic drooling and shedding fur.
  • Open door.
  • Cat escapes. Again.
  • Go into house and find elephant tape. (I’ve used this stuff to stop kayaks leaking on white water)
  • Tape box up securely. Then use more tape.
  • Then think "sod it" and use the whole roll.
  • Find cat again.
  • Tempt cat using favorite treats.
  • Pretty much have to saw the cats legs off in an attempt to get him into the accursed box.
  • Take off gardening gloves (learning from my mistakes)
  • Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
  • Shut door.
  • Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine has now burnt half a tank of fuel).
  • Get the car turned around.
  • Cat still in box, meiowing pathetically.
  • Comfort cat while driving.
  • Get halfway to vet.
  • Pointy eared escape artist does it again. This time at 40mph.
  • Cat runs around the car in a blind panic drooling and shedding fur.
  • Avoid crashing the car by about 3mm. This is not good.
  • Options. Stop, open door to get out and lose cat.
  • Or, keep driving and risk cat scratching eyes out.
  • Elect to take the eye scratching option. Glasses should prevent serious injury.
  • Cat runs around car shedding unbelieveable amounts of fur.
  • People giving me really funny looks.
  • Furry Fangio ends up sitting on my lap with two paws on the steering wheel looking out of the front window.
  • I’d have taken pictures, but I was rather busy at the time.
  • People now giving me *really* funny looks.
  • 5 minutes pass.
  • Get to the vet.
  • Park the car.
  • Somehow get the car back into the box.
  • Get into vets rather harassed.
  • Nice vet takes 2 minutes to check and inject the cat.
  • She then spends 5 minutes helping me reinforce the cat box to get home again.
  • Takes 2 of us to get the cat back in the box.
  • Get the bill.
  • Stop laughing and ask for the real bill.
  • Get the same bill.
  • Pick myself up from the floor.
  • Pay a ton of cash for the privilage of the cat being injected. Return to car.
  • Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
  • Shut door.
  • Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
  • Cat is silent.
  • Think uh-oh.
  • Leave vet.
  • Cat is silent.
  • Get halfway home.
  • Cat is silent.
  • Worry that cat is dead.
  • Get home safely.
  • Cat is silent.
  • Now really worried. Has cat escaped silently? Is cat plotting revenge?
  • Get catbox out of car.
  • Open cat box.
  • Cat saunters out, give me a "What?" look and wanders off.
  • I stand there like a gibbering idiot.
  • Cat lies in sun.
  • Open beer.
  • Drink.
  • Open second beer.
  • Get vacuum cleaner out.
  • Open third beer.
  • Clean cat hair out of car……

He’s now next to me on the sofa with his feat in the air snoring contentedly.

As much as I love him, sometimes I wish he was a goldfish.

Golden…

image

AJ

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About Al Jahom
Anti-social malcontent, misanthrope and miserable git.

2 Responses to An oldie but goody… taking a cat to the vet…

  1. mummylonglegs says:

    awww you missed the bit where the Krazy Kitty craps in the box just so people can stare at you zooming along gagging and retching at the wheel cos you are too scared to open the window. Meanwhile you are breathing through your mouth, taking roundabouts at 60 and thinking ‘Christ, if it escapes now, car hair will be the least of my problems regarding the interior of my car’. Thankyou for my birfday choone, you knows I love a bit of Madness.

    Mummy x

  2. Nuclear Girl says:

    LOL – that soulds EXACTLY like trying to take our cat to the vets (said cat is now with Ceiling Cat, sob).

    And Basement Cat wants a shrubbery!

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