The other day, on a train, I picked up a cast-off Evening Standard and had a flick through. There was a full page ‘advert’ from the water board, it wielded the admonishment that staying in the shower ‘for one minute more than necessary’, ‘wastes’ 9 litres of water.
Now, quite aside from the fact that Thames Water loses around 800 MILLION LITRES OF WATER A DAY through its fucked infrastructure(the equivalent of 88,888,889 people staying in the shower for an extra minute each day), who the blithering fuck are these cunts to spend water rate payers’ money on full page spreads to tell us all off for having a fucking wash?
First it was “don’t have a bath, it’s wasteful. Have a shower.”
Now it’s “you’re showering for too long.”
What next? “If it’s raining, why not take some shampoo and shower outside, to save waste? (don’t forget to use ecologically friendly shampoo)”
As it goes, anyone who does any exercise is likely to shower twice a day, or more. Perhaps cutting exercise down to 2 days a week would help to save water? And what about all the water that’s ‘wasted’ in cleaning the bath? And the floors?
Well, guess what, you fucking distended ringpieces. I pay for what I use. I pay at the water meter and I pay at the fucking gas meter.
I choose to have a bath, and a shower, every day. I reckon this alone costs me in the region of £400-£500 a year.
I made that fucking choice and I pay for the cunt. I’m happy with it. Am I still allowed to make that adult judgement about how I allocate the money I have earned and payed ball-squeezing levels of tax on????
Where will it fucking end?
In a bathtub, with a bottle of gin and a razor blade, the way this fucking place is going, because I’m sick to fucking death of it all.
The only way to remain happy and calm is to put fingers in ears and sing “la la la not listening..” repeatedly. Perhaps read a magazine about how we should all have a six pack and an orange girlfriend with a brain the size of a walnut. Watch X Factor. Buy Coldplay CDs. Go to the football. Buy the sunglasses Beckham is wearing. Give up smoking. And drinking. And thinking. And generally fucking BEING.
Or you can be heavily medicated, like me.
AJ
UPDATE: It turns out Neo-hypocrite Boris is behind this shit… http://www.london.gov.uk/view_press_release.jsp?releaseid=23418
Al Jahom's Final Word 