Summer fun…

MPs’ expenses claims will be published in full this summer. The Coffeehouse passes on an interesting titbit from the Maily Dail.

Three Labour MPs are said to be terrified that the release of their expenses claims will expose them as adulterers and financial cheats.

Two are understood to have had extra-marital affairs with other members of Parliament.

Not only are they believed to have shared hotel rooms during annual conference get-togethers and party away days but also to have double-claimed for the rooms on their expenses.

If both MPs have claimed for the bill they will be branded frauds as well as love cheats when journalists and freedom of information campaigners sift through their receipts.

The third backbencher is said to have made ‘grotesque’ financial claims.

Here’s where the fun begins, though…

A Commons source told the Mail: ‘The whips have three Labour MPs on suicide watch. That’s how serious this scandal is. The whips believe they might kill themselves.’

Now, suicide watch would normally mean taking away their ties, belts and shoelaces. Which won’t make them too hard to spot around Westminster. So long as there isn’t a Michael Foot tribute day in progress. Or maybe Labourists start removing their own belts and ties in solidarity. Slip-on shoes prevents the removal of laces.

Or, in this case do they just mean they are going to ‘watch’ the suicides? It’d serve the troughing cunts right and be a salutary lesson for the future. I do hope pay-per-view rights aren’t announced, because if they are, I’ll be forced to buy a very large telly.

AJ

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Genius…

From the rare treat that is SniffPetrol.com

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This should be in the Conservative manifesto for the next election.

AJ

Looks like Michael O’Leary didn’t get it quite right….

When he said, of pork flu, …

"It is a tragedy only for people living … in slums in Asia or Mexico,"

Unless Houston, Texas is a Central American slum now. I suppose anything’s possible with the fuzzy one at the helm.

AJ

Go Brown! Petition now #1 on Downing Street Site…

In the last few minutes, the petition I referred to earlier has become the most signed petition on the 10 Downing Street site – and in a reassuringly short time, too. :-)

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It’d be interesting to see a time series, so we can graph the trajectory of the poll and compare it to the epic road-pricing one. 1,811,424 signatures. There’s a way to go yet, but the poll doesn’t close until 22 October.

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/please-go/

Splendid. And don’t forget it’s not too late to send him the shirt off your back.

AJ

UPDATE: Guido has a digest of the press response thus far.

C. Montgomery Dave de-fangs media’s Boris threat, as per the script.

This is one of the first signs I’ve recognised from C.M. Dave of real savvy.

“Why shouldn’t he be ambitious? I think it’s great and it does not worry me at all. I’m a Conservative, I think competition in all things is good including for the very highest jobs.

Sadly, I can’t help but think that the whole thing had been workshopped to death so that CMD could come out with the line on cue.

AJ

Scottish Flu….

Good old Daily Mash…

TWO SCOTTISH PEOPLE FEELING A BIT RUN DOWN

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Doctors said they were now 90% certain the couple were suffering from Pork Flu as opposed to a common strain of Scottish Influenza, also known as a bastard hangover.

AJ

Swine Flu confirmed in Scotland….

Two swine flu cases are confirmed

Two people admitted to a Scottish hospital after returning from Mexico have been confirmed as having the swine flu infection.

Another good reason to seal the border and keep the dirty porridge munching communists at bay.

AJ

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