Brown’s Britain leading the way out of recession. Not.

Obliged to Guido for this handy illustration of the UK’s relative economic performance in Q3 2009:

Which means that Britain [is the] Only G7 Nation Still in Recession.

Go Gordon, go.

AJ

Buying votes…

I spotted this little story in the Mail on Sunday.

Labour has been accused of relying on the ‘welfare vote’ after the Conservatives published a provocative league table ranking Commons seats according to the number of benefit claimants.

A total of 189 constituencies in the first 200 are represented by Labour MPs, which the Tories claim explains why Ministers are failing to tackle the spiralling welfare bill.

I could have a good old rant about this, and the fact that the top five scroungers constituencies are über-entitled Scouse cunts, porridge wogs and mono-browed morlocks. Look:

Happily, however, Old Holborn has covered matters off nicely here:

One third of the seats in Parliament are represented by dole scounging, benefit sucking fucking wastrels, high on tax payers money and living the fucking life of Riley at the expense of everyone else.

There it is. Labour’s "client" state. Wonder why the streets are full of Stella swilling, Argos blinged mongtards without a care in the world? Labour WANTS it that way. Wondered why most of London speaks Somali and dresses in fucking tents? Labour wants it that way. Wondered why gun crime and violence in the UK makes us the most dangerous fucking place in Europe? Labour wants it that way.

You traitorous bastards. You have used our stolen money to fuck us. A country ruined so that YOU could have the power to bribe yourselves to yet more power.

In an adjacent post, OH also highlight’s a wonderful tale of pecksniff state drones, thinkofthechildrenism and thought crimes. Unbefeckinlievable.

AJ

Rampant Labour injustice for motorists…

I’m much obliged to the Quiet Man for bringing this to my attention:

 

Drivers will fall victim to reforms which will see people who are acquitted by the courts expected to foot the majority of their own defence costs. It is thought some innocent motorists will plead guilty to reduce their costs.

Currently, somebody who is cleared of a motoring offence can expect to be reimbursed most, if not all, of the money they spend clearing their name.

…

Couldn’t possibly affect me or thee, could it?…

According to the Ministry of Justice’s own statistics, 24 per cent of 1.4 million motorists prosecuted in the courts in 2007 were cleared. It meant that nearly 380,000 motorists recouped about 80 per cent of their costs.

Under the new arrangements, which come into force next month, acquitted defendants will only get a fraction of their money back.

The reimbursement of lawyers’ fees is being limited to the legal aid rate of £60 an hour – around a quarter of the what is normally charged.

Defending a speeding case can cost at least £2,000, so under the new system an acquitted driver would be reimbursed just £600.

Legal fees for a drink-driving case can run between £5,000 and £10,000, and the reforms will mean that a driver walking free from court could have to pay as much as £7,000 from their own pocket.

Once again the party of the working man makes justice accessible only to the wealthy. Fucking cunts.

And lets not forget that a lot of motoring prosecutions are the result of police targets and indiscriminate automatic devices, where previously, a traffic copper would have just ‘had a word’. The fines we are faced with are nothing more than extorted taxation, which means that the targets are on a non-stop escalator.

Think the Tories will fix this? Bollocks they will. They were the cunts who introduced speed cameras in the first place.

AJ

UPDATE: Sign the Downing Street Petition here.

Clown Jewels…

No.. not a Chinese tourist at the Tower of London.

Obo wrote a fine piece the other day, that I think articulates the desperate way he, I and many other people feel about the state of affairs in the UK.

It’s so good, that I’m stealing it in full:

The great and the good

I’ve been struck by how the political class has become much more complacent in their arrogance. I can only assume that politicians and their coterie have been troughing since forever, but they were more discreet or had sufficient military power to justify egregiousness.

We’ve obviously had our own massive troughing scandal here, we’ve had Barrenness Scotland and "the laws do not apply to me". We’ve had Jacqui Smith and her pathetic "punishment" for stealing from the public purse, we’ve had duck ponds and all the rest.
A couple of days ago, Arnie’s missus got "done" for phoning while driving. Bet nothing happens to her, or even more likely: any "fine" will actually come from the public purse — she is a Kennedy, after all. I’m sure that she has more in common with Cherie Blair than with Jackie Onassis.

And today comes the news that the Irish Speaker has been forced out of office after blatantly treating the public purse as his own private property.

Now, I’ve never bought into that "serve the public" shit. Anybody who genuinely wants to "serve the public" is a fucking nutter. And that "serving the public", even if it starts off with genuine humility, always winds up becoming how the servant wants to serve, not how the public want to be served.

Most of the people who say they want to serve the public are (how can we put this?) "being economical with the actualité". They really just want what they can get out of it.

There used to be a deal here: they would take what they wanted in exchange for actually doing things that made stuff better for (at least some of) us. And they did their taking discreetly and subtly, usually only getting rumbled when someone was dissatisfied with their share of the take and grassed them out to Private Eye.

And when they were grassed out, they had the good grace to take their licks, leave public life and retire on their ill-gotten gains.
But as the size of the political class grew, it inevitably grew to include a worse, more shameless class of trougher. One who wasn’t motivated by a long-term financial gain or patronage. Now, we have small-minded, petty and egregiously venal troughers. People who aren’t happy with a long game, they want their financial rewards up front. They don’t want discreet patronage, they want to bully and boss and hector and micromanage their serfs. They don’t want to salt away huge wedge over decades, they want to take the huge wedge up front AND do the back-room dirty deals that sock money away in Swiss bank accounts.

All I can say is that it’s been self-defeating. They have waved their cocks in our faces far too blatantly. Even the slumbering, bovine amoeba that the average Briton has become, is starting to become offended. It’s going to be nasty for a couple of years, but I finally think that the tipping point is coming.

So, milk away, you troughers. Keep spying on the contents of our bins. Tell us what we are allowed to eat. Enjoy fucking with our lives.

Because you’re going to find that eventually you will denormalise enough of us that you won’t be able to keep the lid on the pot any more. You will reap the whirlwind and it will be bloody.

I’ve gone beyond the point where I feel that I "just" want the government out of my face. I want to see blood. I want heads on pikes. I want people to be too fucking scared to stand for political office for a hundred years — I want people dragged screaming into a Parliament or Council, begging to be excused duty.

Enough, you motherfuckers, is enough.

AJ

Another pellet of sluggy goodness…

I may even write something of my own at some point today, but coverage of current issues is ample care of other esteemed blogologgists linked to on the right.

Oh please, please do

Some members are threatening to go to court to avoid repaying money demanded by Sir Thomas Legg, the independent auditor. Others are considering challenging their party leadership for banning them as candidates over their expenses.

Do it, you unbelievably conceited and corrupt parasites.  Watching your smug, entitled and cosy little world collapse in on itself  when the public are finally woken up to the sheer scale of your rapacious greed will be  a wonder to behold.  I’m salivating here.

So by all means carry on as you are, ‘cause I’m buying fucking popcorn this time.

There’s one reason and one reason only I’ll be buying a TV, and that’s to watch, in slow motion and repeatedly, the 100 or more ‘Portillo moments’ that are going to befall these fuckers come the election. And that’s why I find myself in agreement with Tom Fucking Harris. A distasteful position in which to find oneself, I assure you.

YouTube is gonna be busy next June.. lol

AJ

Nothing to add to this…

… but why aren’t we burning wicker effigies of these fucking thieves?

Naturally, Obo has lots to say about it, as do Old Holborn and Guido.

State owned banks pwning private businesses…

This is decidedly smelly…

Several companies, which declined to be named, have expressed concerns about RBS’s aggressive tactics in return for much-needed credit.

One chief executive of a FTSE 250 company said: "They have us over a barrel. What can we do right now? Nothing. They are in everyone’s facility. No one will be able to escape.

And here comes the rub…

But wait two years, when the lending market recovers, and we will never do business with RBS again."

This is solidifying my view that RBS shares will never recover to their pre-crash levels. This pains me.

So what is it they’re doing, exactly?

RBS, now 70pc-owned by the state, has been asking corporate clients to sign "side letters" alongside bridging loans or refinancings to formalise their mandate on future equity or bond issues as well as M&A advisory work. RBS has been on almost every deal this year, bagging £46.8m in fees from equity placings alone, according to Thomson Reuters.

The strategy is being driven from the top, as Stephen Hester, chief executive, is keen to repay the taxpayers’ £20bn as quickly as possible by chasing profits aggressively. The bank is now using its vast loan book to cash in on the equity and advisory capabilities acquired with its ill-fated purchase of ABN Amro by tying customers into pledging higher margin investment banking work.

The practice is known as "tying" and is illegal in the US. However, it is allowed in the UK and Europe. Before the financial crisis, though, clients were able to shop around. Most big lenders have since reined in credit, leaving "survivor banks" in a strong negotiating position.

Some company directors feel RBS is abusing its role, with at least two considering a formal complaint. One insider said RBS has been asking for a 10pc arrangement fee for re-financing debt: "Ten per cent is an egregious amount. They are a state-backed bank that we own. They should be helping corporate Britain, not crippling it."

I’ve lost count of the number of levels of wrong here.

AJ

250,000 additional public sector jobs in the last 12 months…

My brain is starting to fizz… I need to go back to posting music videos from YouTube.

AJ

More fuckbaggery of the motorist, I see…

I do wish the cock-sucking fourth estate would stop framing these bastard initiatives in a way that makes them seem like a good thing.

Uninsured drivers face tighter laws and loss of car

Plans to tighten the law on driving without insurance, making it an offence to be the registered keeper of an uninsured vehicle regardless of whether it is being used, are expected to be confirmed by transport ministers today.

Failure to comply could result in a £1,000 fine and the seizure of the car.

Currently it is only an offence to drive without insurance, but under a scheme announced in January drivers must ensure that their cars are covered at all times unless they are unused and kept off the road, in which case they must register them as such to the DVLA.

Motoring organisations have welcomed the move against uninsured drivers, but said they feared that law-abiding motorists could be penalised for innocent mistakes, such as allowing their insurance to lapse while they are on holiday.

Lovely straw man from the ‘motoring organisations’ there.

The problem with this proposal is as follows: Enthusiasts who keep cars in their garage for restoration, be it as the project, or as a donor vehicle, will be affected by this regulation.

You may have enough land or garage space that when your car gives up the ghost, you leave it in the corner of the yard, or as in the case of people round here, across paddock entrances, as a barrier to stop pikeys moving into your field.

So yes, you’ll still be able to do all these things, but for each car, you’ll have to fill in and send off a declaration each year. And if you forget, then it’s a grand for the fine, and what if the car they want to crush is a 1928 Bentley that you’ve been restoring for the last 10 years since your wife passed away?

It couldn’t happen, could it? You bet your bollocks it could.

And this isn’t the first case of us being required, by Labour, to write to them annually to tell them that nothing has changed.

• The Statutory Off Road Notification has to be completed every year for any car that you own but don’t tax (again, cars that won’t be on the public road).
• The TV license people may get off your case if you write to them and explain politely that you don’t have a TV or watch TV in any way. But they’ll be back next year, whether their intimidation operatives have paid you a little visit or not.
• Every year, I have to write to the council to confirm that I am still entitled to the single occupant’s discount on my council tax.

In each one of these cases, I would already have been in non-compliance with the law, had I used the car on the road without tax and insurance, bought a TV or moved someone in without telling the council.

There were already sanctions in place, should I be found in non-compliance with these laws.

What the fuck were all these new laws for? Why do I have to write to a whole bunch of time-wasting cunts to inform them that nothing has changed since this time last year?

It’s about control and raising money to pay for more jobs for the paper-pushing-mong fraternity.

I’m fucking sick to death of it.

AJ

Police blogger ‘Nightjack’ unmasked… Orwell Prize in jeopardy???

The Times defeated an attempt by the blogger to obtain an injunction, preventing him being named.

If you’ll read on, you’ll notice that he has been disciplined by his force for disclosing privileged and sensitive information that could be traced back to cases he has worked on.

Now, there’ll be a shitstorm about the rights of bloggers like myself to remain anonymous, and rightly so.

But how long will it take people to realise that, when Nightjack won the Orwell prize for his blog, he did so under dubious circumstances? Effectively, in winning the prize by abusing a position of power and privilege, he cheated.

Once a copper, always a copper, I say.

Still, he beat Tom Harris, so I maybe prepared to cut the guy a break.

AJ

Sainsbury’s discover ‘free’ electicity…

Or so the Tellygiraffe would have us believe, in their global warming section…

Now, I know journos (and greenies) aren’t renowned for their robust scientific knowledge and method, but, you can’t fucking make free energy and you can’t have a real-world system which is zero-sum – you can’t beat entropy.

This ‘kinetic road plate’ they talk about seems to be one of these things:

The bold claims made in this video, by the inventor, in 2005, about this solution providing free energy have been repeated since on the official website.

FAQs

Q1. Doesn’t the ramp just steal pennies from our petrol tanks?

A1. The ramp is designed to be situated in parts of the roadway where vehicles are having to slow down, for example on downhill gradients, when approaching traffic lights or roundabouts as well as replacing sleeping policemen and traditional traffic calming measures.
In the these situations, the kinetic energy of the car is being dissipated into heat (i.e. through the braking system) anyway; the ramp at this point scavenges a degree of kinetic energy as the car passes over it, but this is far less than is lost through other mechanisms.

This is, of course, bollocks of the most blatant kind. Let’s look at it in more detail:

The ramp is designed to be situated in parts of the roadway where vehicles are having to slow down, for example on downhill gradients,

On the over-run (whereby I’m using zero fuel), on downhill gradients, do I really want to be going over a fucking speed-bump, you cunts?

when approaching traffic lights or roundabouts

I’m not always slowing down approaching traffic lights or roundabouts – i.e. when the lights are green. If you make me slow down when the lights are green, or there’s an opening on the roundabout, and I therefore miss the green light or the opening, I will dig up this piece of shit and insert it up your ringpiece sideways.

as well as replacing sleeping policemen and traditional traffic calming measures.

Ah – so where you said (at 2:30 in the vid above) ‘unlike the speed bump, the ramp produces no discomfort to the car occupant’ you actually meant ‘except where we’re flogging it as a replacement for speed bumps’. Furthermore, you’re advocating putting a speed-bump replacement on the approach to roundabouts and traffic lights.

They’re clearly making shit up as they go along. How do these people get funding? (I’m looking at you, government.)

Anyway.. none of this matters just now, as I’m willing to bet these things will never see the public highway.

The point it: where is the magic electricity coming from? From you car, of course. You’ll be giving the gas pedal an extra prod to get over it, with all the associated fuel usage and CO2 output.

So Sainsbury’s will be taxing its customers to power its tills and, of course, to cover the capital outlay of this Wile E Coyote piece of shit.

It may only be 0.1p it costs you to drive over this thing but, as these supermarket cunts may say, ‘every little helps’.

As an aside, looking at the fucking waders you’ll find in supermarkets, maybe a better idea would be for each till to be powered by an exercise bike with a dynamo attached.

AJ

Some numbers…

In brief:

Of the top 100 Commons troughers,

• 62% are Labour MPs (against 54.1% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 21% are Conservative MPs (against 29.9% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 15% are Lib Dem MPs (against 9.8% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 2% are other (against 6.2% of 646 parliamentarians) (% figure corrected)

and

Tory MPs cost, on average, about £5500 less than Labour MPs and almost £9000 less than Lib Dems.

Source? Below…..

At www.Theyworkforyou.com there is a useful list of all serving (and past) MPs, which you can download as a CSV and import into excel – get it here.

This was a good start for what I’ve been doing on a bored Sunday evening.

All of the following is ‘errors & omissions excepted (E&OE)’

I added their 2007-2008 expenses, claims and allowances to the spreadsheet.

A little rudimentary crunching told me the following, about 635 of our MPs (the rest of the chaff was cut out of these workings):

Party	MPs	Claims Total	Average	% of counted MPs	% of  counted  claims	Var %
Labour	350	£47,599,244	£135,998	55.1%	55.8%	0.7%
Conservative	193	£25,157,158	£130,348	30.4%	29.5%	-0.9%
Liberal Democrat	63	£8,777,335	£139,323	9.9%	10.3%	0.4%
DUP	9	£1,181,944	£131,327	1.4%	1.4%	0.0%
SNP	7	£837,133	£119,590	1.1%	1.0%	-0.1%
Sinn Fein	5	£682,187	£136,437	0.8%	0.8%	0.0%
Plaid Cymru	3	£412,504	£137,501	0.5%	0.5%	0.0%
SDLP	3	£408,855	£136,285	0.5%	0.5%	0.0%
UUP	1	£125,072	£125,072	0.2%	0.1%	0.0%
Respect	1	£136,390	£136,390	0.2%	0.2%	0.0%

• Labour MPs are the biggest troughers taking 55.8% of allowances paid, while having 55.1% of MPs in the mix here.
• Conservative, while still in the same league are the least trougherous, taking 29.5% of allowances, amongst 30.4% of MPs in the mix here.
• This means Tory MPs cost, on average, about £5500 less than Labour MPs, and almost £9000 less than Lib Dems.

Of the top 50 troughing MPs

• 33 are Labour MPs (66% against 54.1% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 10 are Conservative MPs (20% against 29.9% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 7 are Lib Dem MPs (14% against 9.8% of 646 parliamentarians)

Expand that out to the top 100 and it looks like this:

• 62% are Labour MPs (against 54.1% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 21% are Conservative MPs (against 29.9% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 15% are Lib Dem MPs (against 9.8% of 646 parliamentarians)
• 2% are other (against 6.2% of 646 parliamentarians) (% figure corrected)

Again, on these measure, Tories are less trougherous than the other contenders. Proportionately, Lib Dems come out worst on this measure.

Here’s the top 100 list… click to enlarge.

More if I’m still bored tomorrow… like adding columns for their majorities etc.

AJ

MP have broken tax law?? Nah… they exempted themselves!

Via EUReferendum, I now understand why MPs and HMRC are so very relaxed about what appears to us to be an evasion of capital gains tax on properties and income tax on benefits in kind.

They’re relaxed because Blair & Brown wrote an exemption, specifically for MPs, into the 2003 Income Tax act.

Parliament has voted itself an exemption from tax laws that hem in every other business and individual (even the Queen!) in the UK.

Richard puts the egregiousness more politely than I’d care to:

However, while one can accept in principle that MPs might need to be paid more than their current headline salaries, it is totally unacceptable that they should then specifically pass an Act of Parliament which excludes them from paying tax in circumstances where everybody else would incur a very substantial tax liability. These people have quite deliberately placed themselves above the law.

He also points to the attention this arrangement is receiving from tax lawyers:

There’s more to this scandal than has so far become apparent. And as this is the TaxBuzz blog I will focus here on the tax issues. I’ve identified 15 tax related questions below. I think these are simply a sub set of those that demand answers.

Read on…

This Labour government have, once again, wrought utter havoc upon the country; the economy, jurisprudence, education, our image abroad, our enveloping subservience to the EU.

Utter fucking bastards. Talk about more equal than others.

Election. Right now.

AJ

The only lesson they need to learn from this…

…is the devastating power of stolen, lost or leaked data.

As they have sown… so did they reap.

No sympathy year.

AJ

Adios, Rab C Speaker… That means goodbye, you thick twat.

The Tellygiraffe has got the bugger… he gave permission for the fake mortgage claims.

Parliamentary authorities, overseen by Michael Martin, the Speaker, gave secret permission for some MPs to over-claim for thousands of pounds in home loan interest in deals that led to the systematic abuse of the taxpayer-funded expenses system.

…

Permission to claim “phantom” mortgage payments is understood to have been offered to several MPs before 2004. It was stopped after Commons officials admitted it should never have been allowed. Michael Martin has been Speaker since 2000 and was therefore ultimately responsible for the arrangements – which has never been independently investigated.

Amazing stuff. The Scotch bastard can’t possibly hang on now, even if Carswell doesn’t get a vote on his motion of no confidence.

AJ

On a related note….

I also came up with this one for the miracle breeders such as the one below.

AJ

A quick thought on the benefits trap…

MPs have come a cropper, they claim, due to a plainly ludicrous system of remunerations and ‘benefits’, meant to overcome the political difficulties of paying them more in times past. Any protestations by MPs that they acted within the rules has been shouted down. The consensus (of which beware) is that being within the rules is no excuse when there is a moral obligation that is being ignored.

When discussions arise around social security, benefits, loafers, fast-breeders, freeloaders and dodgy disabilities, the excuse is often wheeled out that these people would lose money by ditching the dole and getting a job. You see, it’s the fault of the system, isn’t it.

Well, I’m sorry, but it won’t wash for the claimant classes either. There is a moral obligation, if not to contribute to society, then at least not be a drain on it. I don’t care if your whole benefits ‘package’ comes to more than minimum wage. It cannot go on.

You know it makes sense.

AJ

Clampers..

Motorists face a sharp rise in clamping and removal fees under plans by the parking industry’s trade body to remove the cap on penalties.

The British Parking Association is weakening its code of conduct to give clampers greater freedom to charge what they like for alleged breaches of parking rules in thousands of private car parks.

The association has quietly removed a paragraph referring to “recommended maximum fees”. It has replaced it with the words: “Setting charges is a matter for operators.”

Now then. Let’s suppose a chap fell foul of these bastards. After stewing for a few weeks, he followed the head man from the clamping company home one night and killed him with a single blow to the back of the head using a claw hammer.

If I were in the jury, there is no way on Earth I’d vote to convict that man.

Waterboarding is too good for them.

AJ

MPs Expenses round up

Courtesy of the Tellygraff.

MPs’ expenses investigation in depth

Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness, Michelle Gildernew, Pat Doherty and Conor Murphy claimed more than £500,000 over five years even though the Sinn Fein MPs refuse to attend Parliament .

Douglas Alexander spent more than £30,000 doing up his constituency home – which then suffered damage in a house fire.

Michael Ancram put the cost of having his swimming pool boiler serviced on his parliamentary allowances. He has agreed to repay the money

James Arbuthnot claimed from the public finances for cleaning his swimming pool at a country residence. He has agreed to repay the money

Vera Baird claimed the cost of Christmas tree decorations

Norman Baker asked if he could claim for a bicycle and a computer so he could listen to music and email family and friends

Greg Barker made a £320,000 profit selling a flat the taxpayer had helped pay for

Margaret Beckett made a £600 claim for hanging baskets and pot plants

Tony Blair re-mortgaged his constituency home and claimed almost a third of the interest around the time he was buying another property in London

Hazel Blears did not pay capital gains tax on a property she sold despite having told the Commons authorities it was her second home. She has since agreed to paid the tax but denied any wrongdoing.

Ben Bradshaw used his allowance to pay the mortgage interest on a flat he owned jointly with his boyfriend

Kevin Brennan had a £450 television delivered to his family home in Cardiff even though he reclaimed the money back on his London second home allowance

Gordon Brown’s house swap let the PM claim thousands

Andy Burnham had an eight-month battle with the fees office after making a single expenses claim for more than £16,500

Stephen Byers claimed more than £125,000 for repairs and maintenance at a London flat owned outright by his partner, where he lives rent-free

Vince Cable forgoes the second home allowance, but asked whether he could claim backdated payments of the London supplement instead

David Cameron limited his claims to mortgage interest payments and utility bills. He will repay the only maintenance bill he claimed – £600 for the removal of wisteria

Menzies Campbell hired a top interior designer to refurbish his small flat in central London at taxpayers’ expense. He will repay the £1,490.66 cost of an interior designer

Ronnie Campbell claimed a total of £87,729 for furniture for his London flat

Kenneth Clarke managed to avoid paying the full rate of council tax on either of his two homes by effectively claiming that neither is his main residence. He has agreed to pay the full rate in future but defended his past behaviour.

Nick Clegg claimed the maximum allowed under his parliamentary second home allowance

Stephen Crabb claimed his “main home” was a room in another MP’s flat, after buying a new house for his family at taxpayers’ expense

Alistair Darling’s stamp duty was paid by the public

David Davis spent more than £10,000 of taxpayers’ money on home improvements in four years, including a new £5,700 portico at his home in Yorkshire.

Pat Doherty, Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness, Michelle Gildernew and Conor Murphy claimed more than £500,000 over five years even though the Sinn Fein MPs refuse to attend Parliament

Alan Duncan spent thousands from his allowance on gardening, including repairs to his lawnmower. He has agreed to repay £5,000

Caroline Flint claimed £14,000 for fees for new flat

Barbara Follett used £25,000 of taxpayers’ money to pay for private security patrols at her home

Andrew George used parliamentary expenses for a London flat used by his student daughter. He also claimed hundreds of pounds for hotel stays with his wife. He has said he will repay £20 for a hotel breakfast

Michelle Gildernew, Pat Doherty, Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness, and Conor Murphy claimed more than £500,000 over five years even though the Sinn Fein MPs refuse to attend Parliament

Cheryl Gillan bought dog food using her allowance but agreed to pay it back after being contacted by the Telegraph

Julia Goldsworthy spent thousands of pounds on expensive furniture just days before the deadline for using up parliamentary allowances. She has promised to pay back £1,005 for a leather rocking chair

Michael Gove spent thousands on his London home before "flipping" his Commons allowance to another address. He has agreed to repay £7,000

Chris Grayling claimed for a London flat even though his constituency home is only 17 miles from the House of Commons. He has agreed to stop doing so

John Gummer’s gardening, including the removal of moles from his lawn, cost the taxpayer £9,000

Fabian Hamilton declared his mother’s London house as his main residence while over-charging the taxpayer by thousands of pounds for a mortgage on his family home in Leeds

Nick Harvey had to be reminded twice by parliamentary officials to submit receipts with his expenses claims

Alan Haselhurst charged the taxpayer almost £12,000 for gardening bills at his farmhouse in Essex, his expenses claims show.

David Heathcoat-Amory’s gardener used hundreds of sacks of horse manure and the MP submitted the receipts to Parliament

Nick Herbert charged taxpayers more than £10,000 for stamp duty and fees when he and his partner bought a home together in his constituency

Douglas Hogg included with his expenses claims the cost of having the moat cleared, piano tuned and stable lights fixed at his country manor house

Geoff Hoon established a property empire worth £1.7 million after claiming taxpayer-funded expenses for at least two properties

Phil Hope spent more than £10,000 in one year refurbishing a small London flat. He has promised to pay back £41,000 to the taxpayer

Kelvin Hopkins claims just a fraction of the available second-home allowance by taking the train to Westminster from his home town

Chris Huhne regularly submits receipts for bus tickets and groceries including pints of milk, fluffy dusters, lavatory rolls and chocolate HobNobs. He has promised to pay back £119 for a trouser press

Stewart Jackson claimed more than £66,000 for his family home, including hundreds of pounds on refurbishing his swimming pool. He has agreed to repay the costs associated with his pool

Julie Kirkbride’s husband Andrew Mackay resigned as David Cameron’s aide after it emerged that the two MPs were making claims that meant they effectively had no main home but two second homes, both funded with public money.

Andrew Lansley spent more than £4,000 of taxpayers’ money renovating his country home months before he sold it. He will repay £2,600 of decorating fees

Oliver Letwin repaired a pipe beneath his tennis court using taxpayers’ money. He has agreed to repay the money

Lord Mandelson faces questions over the timing of his house claim which came after he had announced he would step down

Andrew Mackay resigned as David Cameron’s aide after it emerged that he and his wife Julie Kirkbride were making claims that meant they effectively had no main home but two second homes, both funded with public money.

Bob Marshall-Andrews claimed £118,000 for expenses at his second home, including stereo equipment, extensive redecoration and a pair of Kenyan carpets.

John Maples declared a private members’ club as his main home to the parliamentary authorities

Michael Martin used taxpayers’ money to pay for chauffeur-driven cars to his local job centre and Celtic’s football ground

Francis Maude claimed almost £35,000 in two years for mortgage interest payments on a London flat when he owned a house just a few hundred yards away. He has agreed to stop claiming for a second home

Martin McGuinness, Michelle Gildernew, Pat Doherty, Gerry Adams and Conor Murphy claimed more than £500,000 over five years even though the Sinn Fein MPs refuse to attend Parliament

David Miliband’s spending was queried by his gardener

Margaret Moran switched the address of her second home, allowing her to claim £22,500 to fix a dry rot problem. She has agreed to repay the money while insisting she acted within the rules. She could face an investigation for allegedly using Commons stationery to keep neighbours away from her fourth property in Spain.

Elliot Morley claimed parliamentary expenses of more than £16,000 for a mortgage which had already been paid off

Paul Murphy had a new plumbing system installed at taxpayers’ expense because the water in the old one was "too hot".

Lembit Opik had to pay £2,499 for a 42” plasma television himself after he bought it after Parliament had dissolved. He has pledged to repay £40 he claimed for a court summons for failing to pay council tax

George Osborne was rebuked by the Commons authorities for using public money to fund his "political" website. He also claimed money for a chauffeur-driven car which he has agreed to repay

Austin Mitchell claimed for security shutters, ginger crinkle biscuits and the cost of reuphostering his sofa. He has offered to donate his old sofa coverings to make amends

Conor Murphy, Martin McGuinness, Michelle Gildernew, Pat Doherty and Gerry Adams claimed more than £500,000 over five years even though the Sinn Fein MPs refuse to attend Parliament

Paul Murphy had a new plumbing system installed at taxpayers’ expense because the water in the old one was “too hot”

Lembit Opik had to pay £2,499 for a 42-inch plasma television after purchasing it while Parliament was dissolved

John Prescott claimed for two lavatory seats in two years

Alan Reid claimed more than £1,500 on his parliamentary expenses for staying in hotels and bed-and-breakfasts near his home

John Reid used his allowance to pay for slotted spoons, an ironing board and a glittery loo seat

Angus Robertson successfully appealed to the fees office when they turned down his claim for a £400 home cinema system

Alex Salmond claimed £400 per month for food when the Commons was not even sitting

Michael Spicer claimed for work on his helipad and received thousands of pounds for gardening bills.

Jack Straw only paid half the amount of council tax that he claimed on his parliamentary allowances over four years but later rectified the over-claim

Don Touhig spent thousands of pounds redecorating his constituency home before “flipping” his allowance to a flat in London

Kitty Ussher asked the Commons authorities to fund extensive refurbishment of her Victorian family home

Keith Vaz claimed £75,500 for a second flat near Parliament even though he already lived just 12 miles from Westminster

Theresa Villiers claimed almost £16,000 in stamp duty and professional fees on expenses when she bought a London flat, even though she already had a house in the capital. She has agreed to stop claiming the second home allowance

Tom Watson and Iain Wright spent £100,000 of taxpayers’ money on the London flat they once shared

Steve Webb sold his London flat and bought another nearby, while the taxpayer picked up an £8,400 bill for stamp duty

Shaun Woodward received £100,000 to help pay mortgage

David Willetts, the Conservatives’ choice for skills minister, needed help changing light bulbs. He has agreed to repay the bill

Phil Woolas submitted receipts including comics, nappies and women’s clothing as part of his claims for food

Iain Wright and Tom Watson spent £100,000 of taxpayers’ money on the London flat they once shared

It’s messy, is this, but I honestly think it’s a massive distraction from the big fucking problems we have in the UK. Still, if it helps do for Broon, it has a purpose.

That said, Sir Normal Tebbit reckons we shouldn’t vote for any of the 3 main parties in the European election next month. Which is fine – I wasn’t going to.

AJ

Labour Lolly Lords Suspended for 6 Months…

What was it they did again? Oh yeah – sold legislative amendments for personal gain, the Lords Privileges Committee has found. The thieving fucking corrupt bastards. 6 month suspension? So what. Piano wire & gibbets.

Two peers to be suspended over cash for amendments scandal

Lord Taylor of Blackburn and Lord Truscott will be barred until the end of this session of Parliament – probably around six months – subject to a vote in the House next week.

Suspension will cost the peers access to tax-free allowances worth up to £335 a day.

The punishment would make them the first peers to be suspended since the time of Cromwell.

Suspension until the end of the session is the maximum penalty available to the committee and an indication of how seriously the misconduct is regarded.

Another Labour peer, Lord Snape, will be asked to apologise to the House. A fourth who was involved in the original allegations, Lord Moonie, has been cleared of wrongdoing.

Okay… so much for Blair & Broon’s House of Lords reforms.

AJ