More bubblewrap, Vicar?

Oh very dear…

Yesm tgar;d ve.

I do apologise. I appear to have head-butted my keyboard. I’d rather see government health warnings on brain melting bullshit like this.

And in case you were thinking this is just some random wingnut who won’t get a serious hearing…

Dr Pfeffer, who is also an international mentor for the World Health Organisation, will address the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents this week and call for children’s television programmes, particularly live action programmes, to carry ratings for parents to make informed choices for their children.

Among the programmes she deemed to contain the most risky behaviour were Scooby-Doo, Batman, X-Men and Ben 10.

AJ

UPDATE: Read all about the woolly headed muppet behind this shit here.

What’s good for the Gord is good for the Gander…

Boo Hoo, Gordo. You cunt. If you’d just go the fuck away… we’d leave your sorry arse alone. Maybe.

Picking on somebody isn’t necessarily shan, but it can become so. It doesn’t just mean “cruel”. It carries connotations of unfairness and of moral wrongness. There is a suggestion in there that in any reasonable person what is going on should arouse compassion. Shan is what we are being to Gordon Brown. We’re bullying him. It bothers me.

In terms of the things I write (and, indeed, the thing I’m planning to write tomorrow) I’m probably on dodgy ground here. But mockery and bullying, I’ve always thought, are different things. I worry that we, the British press, bloggers, ultimately the British public, are moving from one to the other.

I started thinking it last weekend when Andrew Marr asked the PM, effectively, if he was on antidepressants. Setting aside the curious assumption in the question (that if we did have a depressed PM, it would somehow be better if he wasn’t taking anything), you have to wonder what Marr hoped to gain by asking it. It wasn’t as if Mr Brown was going to break down there and then, Nixon-style, and confess everything. It wasn’t even as if Marr was after an answer at all. He just wanted to ask the question. He just wanted to land a kick on the fat kid because all the other kids were kicking the fat kid and he wanted to be the one to make him fall over.

Boo Hoo Gordo.

Listen Hugo Rifkind, you can’t understand the animus that Brown and his posse have provoked in England, because you’re not on the negative end of a democratic deficit, and nor are you on the negative end of the Barnett formula. As such, you are not qualified to fucking comment, so shove your caber up your arse and fuck off back to your porridge cave.

Bullying has been the M.O. of this government certainly since 2001, if not before.

We have to report annually to the state that nothing has changed. On pain of fines or other penalties.

We can’t smoke. We’re hectored about drinking and diet. Recycling, speeding, seat belts, pollution, flying, composting. We are denormalised. We are harassed and fined by ignorant power-crazed zealots, in uniforms that didn’t exist 10 years ago. Everywhere we go, we face directives framed in bullying terms; signs, announcements, admonishments.

It’s not a fair fight between me and the state.

I don’t do victim culture, so I can’t say I feel bullied. But I do feel cowed, and when I feel cowed, the moment for a fight back (even an unfair and unethical one) is at the forefront of my mind.

So, Gordo, you’re either going home before the election, or your going home in a doggie bag, you evil, devious, miserable, sanctimonious, unworldly, pant-pissing, porridge dribbling cuntbasket.

Finally, I’ve read a few books about Brown, and I can say with confidence that accusing anyone of bullying Gordon Brown doesn’t really understand what a nasty and unscrupulous cunt he is. He deserves every last morsel of hatred that is flung in his direction.

Now fuck off.

AJ

UPDATE: Dick Puddlecote has weighed in, providing some much needed links to examples of the bully state that I’m referring to. Not that there’s any shortage of material in my own archive…

Even in the death throes of a discredited and widely despised administration, the clunking fist of state threats continue, and even extend further, as they plead with other countries to join in the bullying of the British public if the particular freedom is out of their direct control.

What’s more, this attitude has created a disease amongst the previously quiet bitterness-peddlers whereby every arrogant cunt with a superiority complex is now heavily encouraged to treat their fellow citizens with contempt and mistrust.
This Labour government has become evil beyond compare, and still can’t see the lasting damage to society that they have created.

Empowered by an administration which has lorded the playground and singled out groups for insults and condescension, every small-minded curtain-twitcher and selfish, holier-than-thou cunt has crawled out from under their particular rock and spilt forth their bile on those that Labour have deemed as unworthy.

…

The innocent are considered guilty, the victimised are told to just accept it or be prosecuted, while those who created this country of ire and misery refuse to accept any kind of criticism.

When faced with a bully and his weasel cohorts in a playground, the best way of disabling them is to hit back hard against the bully-in-chief.

You ARE that head bully, Brown. The only thing that would make me think you didn’t deserve to have your life utterly destroyed would be if you were to admit that you and your disgusting, vindictive, spiteful party have institutionalised hate and that you are abjectly sorry for it.

You not only won’t do that, you actually still perpetuate the myth that you are somehow respectable members of society. Your congratulation of your fellow bullies in your Labour Conference speech was staggering and nauseating at the same time. You have no remorse, which is why the justified payback you are now receiving is perfectly fair.

You talk of tackling anti-social behaviour? There is only one group which should be tackled in this respect. That is the Labour party and their destruction of morals, respect for others, and tolerance.

What goes around, comes around. Live with it.

Indeed.

Train Wreck 2.0

Thanks to Guido and friends for putting on this remarkable display of a greasy labour spin doctor coming completely unravelled.

I know it’s facile and prurient, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks and I could see it coming from the word go.

And thanks to whoever produced this little nugget of comedy genius:

Fine work, sirs.

Old Holborn reports a rumour that Dolly will be out on his arse Monday morning.

UPDATE: OH has just heard from "the West Country" that Derek will be out on his arse by Monday. Apparently, the last thing Labour needs right now is "a loud mouthed idiot ruining an attempt to enter the Blogosphere with inane ramblings"

To borrow from Maddox,

AJ

Dolly goes on psychotic rampage of smears and threats

Oh dear… it seems that  ‘Labour’s biggest independent grassroots e-network’ has become a vehicle for Dolly Draper’s mentalness.

First he had a heated exchange with the Taxpayers Alliance, which appear to have included him phoning them up with threatening messages.

Next, Iain Dale went on some BBC radio programme to talk about Carol Thatcher’s (private, off-air) gollywog comment, that got her unceremoniously slung out of the BBC. Of course, most people wouldn’t touch anything with possibly racist connotations with a 10ft pole – especially on the BBC where they’d be done up like a kipper in no time. But, it seems that Dale couldn’t resist. In fairness, though, Dale does draw the fair comparison between the BBC reaction to what Thatcher Jr. – said off-screen and in-private – with things Chris Moyles has said on the air, which included saying Polish women make good prostitutes, and making what could be construed as racist comments to Halle Berry – at which she took great offence.

Draper saw the opportunity to drag an opponent through the mud and grasped it with both hands.

Here, The Devil gives some background on Mr Draper.

Derek Draper is, of course, a disgusting little man who spent some of the early years of the NuLabour government selling access to government ministers. Ironically and hypocritically, and as Mark points out, he and John Jonathan Mendelsohn did this on behalf of large corporates, in order to "create tax breaks for their clients".

This cannot possibly end well.

AJ

Top Non-Jobs for useless public sector wankers 2008

Just in from the Taxpayers Alliance.

http://www.taxpayersalliance.com/files/non-job-report-2008.pdf

AJ

Historically Useless Public Sector Wankers

I reported incest of ‘British Fritzl’ a decade ago, says son

The son of the man referred to as the ‘British Fritzl,’ who fathered nine children by raping his two daughters, disclosed today that he had reported the matter to police and social services more than a decade ago but no action was taken.

The man, who did not want to be identified, said that he had lived in terror because of the abuse he, his mother and his sisters faced when he was a child in Lincolnshire and South Yorkshire, claiming he still has 49 scars on his head from the beatings he suffered.

The father, 56, was last month sentenced to a life term for a total of 25 rapes and will serve 19 and a half years. Sheffield Crown Court heard that his rapes had caused his daughters to get pregnant a total of 19 times.

He held his daughters virtual prisoners for 25 years, the court was told, moving them around houses in South Yorkshire and Lincolnshire to avoid detection.

In the meantime, bringing us up to date…

A nose bleed, then children were in care

They put the Christmas decorations up a couple of days ago but no one in the Smith family feels much like celebrating. Despite the tinsel over their sons’ photographs, there are no excited children racing around the flat. Instead, Patrick, 6, and Donald, 2 – not their real names – will spend the holiday in foster care.

It started two years ago with a nosebleed. Robert Smith wiped his stepson Patrick’s nose and took him to school. A teacher spotted some dried blood, and asked Patrick what had happened. “Robert,” he said, and made a wiping motion. She went to social services, who called the police. That afternoon Mr Smith was arrested for assault and had to move out of the flat.

“We thought, it will all get sorted and go away. We knew we’d done nothing wrong,” he said. A criminal court threw out the charges after the prosecution admitted that it had no evidence. But social services would not let Mr Smith move back home. Stacks of legal paper under the Christmas tree chronicle the Smiths’ struggle in the family courts, where the case is still being heard.

Ambush Predator points to the obvious comparison here… these parents are clearly

Worse than being a slovenly, deceitful, cruel hag with a paedophile for a boyfriend. Worse even than being known drug addicts with a history of manslaughter.

Just amazing. Why do they choose the door marked ‘WRONG’ every fucking time?

AJ

A fine lament…

I don’t really see eye-to-eye with Rod Liddle, as you might imagine, what with him being a former editor of the Today programme on Radio 4, and a former speech-writer for Blair. Indeed, he seems to take relish in being a chap that is difficult to like. Sometimes, I think this is a shame, because he has hit the nail on the head.

This is one such occasion.

A couple of years back, in the tropical Australian town of Cairns, another Santa was sacked from his grotto in a department store for having said ‘Ho, ho, ho’ to the children waiting before him. According to the store, he should have said ‘Ha, ha, ha’ — but he was a Bad Santa, he forgot — or was of an independent frame of mind. ‘Ho, ho, ho’ might be perceived as being derogatory to women, it was strongly argued. A ‘ho’ is American black vernacular for a prostitute, or at least a woman of loose morals, so you can’t say it any more. I don’t think there are any black American women in Cairns, but Santa was sacked nonetheless. Ha, ha, ha. This is where we are now.

…

Those Santa-based examples above, drawn from the liberal, developed, democratic world, do not contain absolutely everything which annoys people about how we are now, but they cover a fair few bases. Utter stupidity and ignorance, an irrational and institutionalised fear of paedophiles, an institutionalised but perfectly rational fear of litigation, vexatious litigation, the triumph of health and safety legislation over everything (allied to a fear of vexatious litigation), the notion of equal rights taken to absurd conclusions, the ability of an individual to become enraged when an imagined right has been infracted, corporate and local council obeisance to a PC agenda with which no sane person would concur, and so on. It has become a cliché, every Christmas, to point out this sort of thing — so much so that it has its clichéd corollary in the liberal press, its equally steadfast mirror image, that none of it is true. But it is true, colloquially and in fact; even though my examples above might be dismissed as singularities by those who, for reasons I do not quite understand, wish to deny how things are. There was a piece in the Guardian recently by a chap called Dave Hill who set out to knock down the story that Oxford had recently, in a fit of PC-mania, decided not to have a Christmas festival this year but instead ‘winter lights’. And it became evident as you read his piece that though he wished to knock the story down, it was perfectly true, at which point Dave began instead to justify how seasonal celebrations change over the years and that ‘winter lights’, therefore, were fine and dandy. All a bit like Freud’s example of the man who borrows his neighbour’s bucket and returns it broken, and when challenged says: ‘I never borrowed your bucket. It was broken when I borrowed it. It wasn’t broken when I gave it back.’

…

I don’t know why the Left is quite so defensive about this stuff, only that it feels it has to be, to its public detriment. There is no ideological left-wing reason why we should assume that all men over the age of 30 are potential paedophiles, for example — unless it is a hangover from the old feminist notion that all men over the age of 30 (or indeed younger) are potential rapists. Or that big business, through a terror of losing money, should impose insulting restrictions upon the rest of us. Or that personal injury lawyers are in the vanguard of the socialist revolution. The problem, of course, is that while the Right has won most of the foreign policy and economic arguments these past 25 years, the Left has absolute hegemony in social services, council departments (regardless of what party they are run by) and the education system — so if the Left worries about this stuff, we all feel the consequences.

Do stop by at The Spectator to read the full article.

AJ

The Truth Hurts

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article5326005.ece

Teacher who told pupils ‘Santa doesn’t exist’ is axed

A teacher who told pupils that Father Christmas does not exist has been prevented from returning to the school.

The class of seven-year-olds were learning about Christmas at Blackshaw Lane Primary School in Oldham, when their female supply teacher told them that Santa Claus did not deliver their presents at Christmas.

The teacher – who was only drafted in for a day last week – left pupils confused and upset after she told them it was their parents who put presents in their stockings on Christmas Eve, not St Nic.

The school was pummelled with complaints after the children returned home to tell their parents what they had learnt in class that day.

One father said: “Apparently this teacher just came out with it in class. I couldn’t believe it when my daughter told me. Why would you say such a thing? She was really upset.

“She’d been thinking about it on the way home and she couldn’t understand.”

He added: “It should be down to parents, not teachers, to deal with this sort of thing. And seven or eight is no age to be told that.”

Angela McCormick, headmistress at the school, contacted the agency who supplied the teacher and told them not to send her again.

Another parent said that he had spent hours convincing his daughter that the teacher was wrong. He said: “I’ve told her she must have been confused.

“I wasn’t happy and a lot of the mums were upset. All kids at that age are excited at this time of year, so for someone to come out and say something like that puts a dampener on it all.

In other news, Professor Gerhard Blund of the German Orthodontic society was arrested last night at Heathrow Airport, amid claims that he had published a paper in 2003, which is said to disprove the existence of tooth fairies. Prof. Blund is expected to face the Parish court of Tunbridge Wells, where Tooth Fairy Denial has been a capital offence since the Flouride Holocaust of 1897.

Wankers.

AJ

Shut your fucking jug-eared face, your Highness.

There used to be an argument that the royal family, as comical as they are, are an asset to our country.

Once Charlie is King though, we’ll be nought but a laughing stock.

Why does The Times even give this in-bred goon column inches?

AJ

Non-specific all pervading anger…

Maybe it’s because I drank far too much last night and have a 5 o’clock shadow. On my tongue.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t taken my medication today, and the nurse put my straitjacket on too tightly.

Maybe it’s because this country is full of the most odious and stupid people it is possible to herd together.

Maybe it’s because this country is being run by a bunch of communist porridge wogs. Because the odious and stupid voted for these authoritarian, egregious, hypocritical ringpieces.

Maybe it’s because I’m sick to fucking death of the state coercing me, marginalising me, extorting money from me, and then failing to provide any semblance of a service back to me.

Maybe it’s because the only apparent alternative is to vote for a public school pillock who’s as right-on as any of these Labour fucks, with his wind turbine and his cycle helmet. Anyway, it appears that the principal qualification for being a political leader of any hue these days is proving your genetic inadequacy beyond all doubt by squeezing out a spasticated child then using it as a electoral selling point.

Maybe it’s because my main hope for getting back onto the property ladder has been wiped out by the current financial fuckduggery that Gordon Brown has brought upon us. By some oddity, I now appear to own twice as much of Royal bank of Scotland as I did 3 months ago (even though the government is holding the asset for me), but it’s also worth square-root of fuck all.

Maybe it’s because I promised myself I would avoid using the word ‘cunt’ on this blog, yet I’ve never felt it more apposite.

Oh I can’t be bothered. I’m going to work on my list.

AJ

9/10 British people stupid. 7/10 on drugs, too.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7713217.stm

Nine out of ten people are happy – and seven in ten optimistic about the future – a government survey suggests.

The National Social Marketing Centre’s findings were published amid widespread fears of recession, falling house prices and rising unemployment.

The report says “in general Britain is a happy nation” with 70% expecting more positive than negative experiences.

It may just be the reporting, but 3 blowjobs and 2 divorces could fit into the optimistic category by this definition. Now, that would be a headline: “Most Britons expect to have 3 blowjobs and 2 divorces in 2009″. I digress.

The survey found that high earners, with a salary above £30,000 a year, had the highest rate of optimism – 80% – for the next five to 10 years.

Middle earners – on between £17,500 to £29,999 – had a 69% rate, while those among those on less than £17,500 it was 66%.

High earners are people on over £30k according to this berk who is lauded by the BBC. I bet berk earns more than that.

AJ

p.s. Not that I condemn those who are on drugs. With everything as fucked up as it is, I’m starting to see the appeal of crack. Maybe it’s the effect of having a black president.

p.p.s: Where I come from, crack means vagina, not smokey-cokey. But then, I’m from Scunthorpe.

I knew chipping the cat was a bad idea….

It seemed so sensible. In case he got lost and injured, a vet could identify him by scanning the RFID chip implanted under the skin in the back of his neck.

Now I see that t’cat was used for a prototype scheme. He’s been enrolled in a pay-as-you-roam catgestion charge system. His every move is monitored by GPS and GPRS and I just received an invoice for his roaming charges. Seems he’s been in an area of high cat density at peak time.

I may have to look at getting a Manx cat, or a pre-73 model (unlikely) or maybe a hybrid.

Okay – it’s not that bad – but it could be if these fuckers get any more power.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7708411.stm

Pet owners face code of practice

Cats are solitary creatures but need
entertainment, the government says

Cat and dog owners are to be told to provide “entertainment” and “mental stimulation” for their pets under new government advice.

The code of practice also includes advice on diet and providing “somewhere suitable to go to the toilet”.

It says owners should watch for signs of stress and advises on introducing cats to dogs without the fur flying.

Owners will not be fined for breaking the rules but failure to comply may be used in animal cruelty prosecutions.

The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) said it wanted to remind pet owners of their responsibilities under the 2006 Animal Welfare Act.

The 26 page document on cat welfare begins with a warning to owners: “It is your responsibility to read the complete Code of Practice to fully understand your cat’s welfare needs and what the law requires you to do.”

This is a serious business, so I want no sniggering at the back. I want everyone standing up-front to snigger too.

My cat makes me get my chess set out three or four times a week, but everytime, after three or four moves, he rolls over on the board and knocks his King over. Useless cat. What does he want? Times crossword? I gave him my login for my Times crossword club online account, but I just looked at his browsing history and it’s all ginger pussies and grooming tips.

I thought maybe I was aiming too high, so I bought him a Playstation and a copy of MouseHunt 2. He still prefers the real thing.

Perhaps the gubbinment does have some guidance for me in the 26 page guide it’s commissioned on my behalf.

The brilliant Daily Mash has more on this:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/animals/animals-headlines/cats-fine%2c-say-cats-200811051376/

CATS last night thanked the government for its interest in their welfare but insisted they were fine.

…

“And by the way – give me food whenever I want it or I’ll fuck off and live with someone else.” they interjected.

…

“And I suppose I could shit in the garden, but what you fail to grasp  is the unbridled enjoyment I derive from dumping in a tray of piss-soaked gravel in the corner of the kitchen – while you’re having your tea. Good day.”

Go away you nanny state shitheads.

AJ

Wimmins Weekly

At the risk of turning into Cosmo or some shite, a few of the bloggers I read regularly are participating in this Myers-Briggs Personality Type quiz thing. (more info on Wikipiddlier).

So, since I’m loafing about today, I thought I’d have a go at it while my toenails dry.

Apparently, I am type INTP:

• Introverted – 33%
• Intuitive – 6%
• Thinking – 62%
• Perceiving – 44%

This makes me an ‘architect’ apparently. Same as The Devil.

Architects need not be thought of as only interested in drawing blueprints for buildings or roads or bridges. They are the master designers of all kinds of theoretical systems, including school curricula, corporate strategies, and new technologies. For Architects, the world exists primarily to be analyzed, understood, explained – and re-designed. External reality in itself is unimportant, little more than raw material to be organized into structural models. What is important for Architects is that they grasp fundamental principles and natural laws, and that their designs are elegant, that is, efficient and coherent.

Architects are rare – maybe one percent of the population – and show the greatest precision in thought and speech of all the types. They tend to see distinctions and inconsistencies instantaneously, and can detect contradictions no matter when or where they were made. It is difficult for an Architect to listen to nonsense, even in a casual conversation, without pointing out the speaker’s error. And in any serious discussion or debate Architects are devastating, their skill in framing arguments giving them an enormous advantage. Architects regard all discussions as a search for understanding, and believe their function is to eliminate inconsistencies, which can make communication with them an uncomfortable experience for many.

Ruthless pragmatists about ideas, and insatiably curious, Architects are driven to find the most efficient means to their ends, and they will learn in any manner and degree they can. They will listen to amateurs if their ideas are useful, and will ignore the experts if theirs are not. Authority derived from office, credential, or celebrity does not impress them. Architects are interested only in what make sense, and thus only statements that are consistent and coherent carry any weight with them.

Architects often seem difficult to know. They are inclined to be shy except with close friends, and their reserve is difficult to penetrate. Able to concentrate better than any other type, they prefer to work quietly at their computers or drafting tables, and often alone. Architects also become obsessed with analysis, and this can seem to shut others out. Once caught up in a thought process, Architects close off and persevere until they comprehend the issue in all its complexity. Architects prize intelligence, and with their grand desire to grasp the structure of the universe, they can seem arrogant and may show impatience with others who have less ability, or who are less driven.

Albert Einstein as the iconic Rational is an Architect.

Maybe it’s just me, but how come these tests never say:

You are a Window Cleaner. You are fascinated with windows and the amazing things that happen when you’re cleaning them. Try not to lick the windows while you’re working.

Archetypal Window Cleaners include: George Formby and Robin Askwith

Hmmm….

AJ

There’s a name for everything that’s wrong…

Something I thought I’d share – I found this while grazing Wikipedia -  ‘Magical Thinking‘

It’s interesting, because it seems to be something that, in this age of unenlightenment, is a majority condition. I worry that it must be in danger of becoming a de facto normality.

In anthropology, psychology, and cognitive science, magical thinking is nonscientific causal reasoning that often includes such ideas as the ability of the mind to affect the physical world, correlation equalling causation, the law of contagion, the power of symbols, and the meaningfulness of synchronicity.

Well that sounds like the guiding philosophy of every piece of legislation this government has passed.

AJ