British Justice…

Remember that most of the members of the Labour government who have been responsible for framing legislation are barristers. Which is to say if they don’t know about perverse laws, who the fuck does? So they can only have done this on purpose.

From Constantly Furious:

Paul Clarke of Reigate can tell you.

Mr Clarke found a discarded shotgun and – rather than blagging a bank, or shootin’ up some boyz in da ‘hood – decided that he should hand it in at the local police station.

After all, possession of an unlicensed firearm is an offence, innit?

Oh yes. It is. But, unfortunately for Paul, it’s a ‘Strict Liability’ offence. Remember them? No excuses.

So, when Mr Clarke arrived at the local nick – having had the courtesy to ‘phone ahead to announce his intention – was he offered a cup of tea and the thanks of several beaming Bobbies?

Was he fuck. He was promptly arrested, and thrown into a cell.

When the case came to court, was he given an apology for the misunderstanding and sent away, without a stain on his character?
Was he fuck. ‘Strict Liability’, see?

The judge, directing the Jury, sealed his fate, saying,

"This is an unusual case, but in law there is no dispute that Mr Clarke has no defence to this charge.

The Jury, not really knowing what the fuck was going on, and probably slightly disappointed that this was not really like on the telly at all, took a scant 20 minutes to go along with the Judge’s direction, and find the poor sod Guilty. Guilty. For fuck’s sake.
So, will the judge now unravel this mess, and sentence Mr Clarke to something proportionate and tolerable: "you will be taken from this place and given a cup of tea and your cab fare home" ?

Will he fuck. He can’t, even if he wants to.

There’s a minimum sentence for the crime of possessing a firearm. A mere judge can’t be trusted to know what’s appropriate, so he’s given guidelines from on high.

So – and here comes the sit down and brace yourself bit – when Paul Clarke is sentenced, on December the 11th, he must be sent to prison for a minimum of five years. Five fucking years. Five years in prison, for doing what pretty much every last single fucking one of us would have done in the circumstances.

Holy crap. The number of ways you can have your life fucked up at random is just ever-growing. This is another reason that mandatory minimums are grossly unjust and a politician’s knee jerk ‘seen to be doing something’ response.

But remember, as I said at the start, that many of those political kneejerkers are high fucking practitioners of law. Jesus fuckiing wept.

AJ

Retention of DNA. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh… what a surprise.

A high-flying city lawyer was fired from her £150,000-a-year job after a ‘routine security check’ revealed her DNA was held on the national database – over a ‘false allegation’ made against her.

Lorraine Elliott said that she felt ‘gobsmacked and depressed’ after bosses spotted her file during ‘background clearance’ checks as she was just about to start work on a new project.

The mother-of-three today described her reputation as having been ‘tainted’ after she was dismissed from her post following the discovery of her DNA profile – despite never having been charged with an offence.

Oh, well.. what was she accused of?

She was taken to her local police station in Ashford after a complaint was made against her that she had tried to fraudulently obtain a nursery school place.

She was accused of forging a signature on an application form and then finger-printed and swabbed for her DNA.

But following extensive interviews with officers she was released without charge and the very next day she received a letter saying there was ‘insufficient evidence’ to prosecute.

Despite ‘no further action’ being taken her genetic record was kept on file.

Sounds like someone with a grudge made an anonymous complaint, which the coppers were unable to put any substance to. And she was fired.

We have reached a point where you can have your life torn asunder based upon a vexatious complaint and a fucked up DNA retention policy.

This country is truly fucked.

AJ

Criminal Record Checks… What could *possibly* go wrong?

Oh…

More than 15,320 people have complained to the Criminal Records Bureau over the last six years to dispute the information the agency is releasing to potential employers.

Last year, a record 2,509 people challenged the CRB – twice the figure of 2002/03, and the equivalent of seven people every day.

The errors are being blamed on applicants having similar personal details to an offender, as well as identity fraud and mistakes made on court and police records.

The figures were revealed just weeks after it emerged more than 11million adults will have to be checked on a new database to be run by the Independent Safeguarding Authority (ISA).

An estimated 11.3 million people – including parents who join school rotas to take pupils to sports events – will face having their backgrounds checked.

Well… I’m glad I’m not an Andy Smith, a Dave Brown or a Jack Jones.

AJ

Emotional Incontinence 2: This time it’s Dorking…

The squirrel ‘fell foul of a “hit and run driver”’ eh? Well I’ve been driving for 20 years and I never knew there was a duty to report running over a fucking tree-rat. Was the driver expected to leave his insurance details, perhaps?

Citizens of Dorking. You’ve lived up to your poxy town’s name in fine style, you complete and utter cretins.

AJ

Nauseating Tory Shitbags…

We can’t be surprised at the attempts of the state to co-opt the public to their authoritarian programme. That they should succeed is unconscionable to me.

These ‘volunteers’ should be peeled and rolled in salt on live television. I’d buy a TV to watch that.

The “Neighbourhood Champions” will pass on evidence of graffiti, fly-tipping, litter and excessive noise. They could eventually be trained to report child abuse, domestic violence, racial harassment and other “hate crimes”.

The plan is expected to be approved this week in Harrow. The council says the scheme, which has police backing, will increase pride in the community.

Oh yes. Increase pride. That’s what it’ll do.

There’ll be absolutely no further divisions drawn in society, no extra mistrust and suspicion that one’s neighbours are either collaborators or traitors.

Please note that Harrow is a Conservative controlled council.

So, there’s our future.

AJ

Emotional incontinence…

I’m upset at you being upset, and that upsets me.. bah.. you pussified bitch-assed motherfuckers…

Vis. Broon’s cack-handed attempt at a letter of condolence:

Asked about the controversy, Ed Miliband, the Energy Secretary, told the BBC that Mr Brown would be horrified at having caused offence.

"I think anyone who sees Mrs Janes’s upset will very much regret what she is feeling," said Mr Miliband. "And I’m sure the Prime Minister will feel that he intended to offer her some little comfort at the most difficult time for her. I’m sure he will be very upset himself at the upset she’s feeling."

Jesus Titty-Twisting Christ people. These fuckwits are supposed to be running the country. The country that they have managed to seriously fuck up, during their thirteen year Laurel and Hardy telethon of doom.

And as for Ed Bonzodogdoodahband, I think he’d make a brilliant leader of the Labour Party garden gnome.

If he’s a man, then I’m a Klingon warrior with an MBA from U.Bogota and a white tiger called ICanHasSiegfried…

AJ

More bubblewrap, Vicar?

Oh very dear…

Yesm tgar;d ve.

I do apologise. I appear to have head-butted my keyboard. I’d rather see government health warnings on brain melting bullshit like this.

And in case you were thinking this is just some random wingnut who won’t get a serious hearing…

Dr Pfeffer, who is also an international mentor for the World Health Organisation, will address the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents this week and call for children’s television programmes, particularly live action programmes, to carry ratings for parents to make informed choices for their children.

Among the programmes she deemed to contain the most risky behaviour were Scooby-Doo, Batman, X-Men and Ben 10.

AJ

UPDATE: Read all about the woolly headed muppet behind this shit here.

What the blithering fuck???

This is more wrong than… well pretty much everything.

Draconian police powers designed to deprive crime barons of luxury lifestyles are being extended to councils, quangos and agencies to use against the public, The Times has learnt.

The right to search homes, seize cash, freeze bank accounts and confiscate property will be given to town hall officials and civilian investigators employed by organisations as diverse as Royal Mail, the Rural Payments Agency and Transport for London.

The measure, being pushed through by Alan Johnson, the Home Secretary, comes into force next week and will deploy some of the most powerful tools available to detectives against fare dodgers, families in arrears with council tax and other minor offenders.

You see that? Used a statutory instrument to hand over unfeckingbelievable powers to local authorities and quangos. Democracy? Fuck that.

Even the fucking coppers are aghast.

The radical extension of the Proceeds of Crime Act, through a Statutory Instrument which is not debated by parliament, has been condemned by the chairman of the Police Federation. Paul McKeever said that he was shocked to learn that the decision to hand over “intrusive powers” to people who were not police was made without consultation or debate.

So are the shysters.

His concerns are shared by leading legal figures, who believe that there is a risk of local authorities abusing the powers to search people’s homes, seize their money, freeze their accounts and confiscate their property. They also see parallels with the spread of counter-terrorist surveillance powers to monitor refuse collections and school catchment areas.

Yes – we have ample evidence that the council will go to fucking town with any powers given to them. Tis the nature of the beast. A who watches the watchers? Another Quango.

An “explanatory memorandum” says that a swath of financial investigators attached to the newly empowered bodies will be accredited, trained and monitored by another quango, the National Policing Improvement Agency. The memo adds that asset seizure will result in financial rewards: “Investigation bodies will receive a share of money recovered as additional funding to incentivise further work in recovering the proceeds of crime.”

Councils and other bodies had access to asset recovery powers before but only with with the authorisation and involvement of the police. Now they will be able to act independently of any police force or law enforcement agency.

And existing powers of confiscation under the Proceeds of Crime act have not been without problems. Ask anyone who has a safe-deposit box.

The extension of such draconian powers to civilian investigators coincides with mounting legal concern about the operation of the law of confiscation. But the Home Office maintained last night that the measures would “boost the fight against crime” and “free up valuable police time”.

Lawyers who specialise in confiscation law have been expressing concern about the extension of the powers for some time. One judge said: “It looks like this has been sneaked through.”

Andrew Bodnar, co-editor of a book on asset recovery law, said that the Proceeds of Crime Act had been carefully crafted and designed but its implementation often left much to be desired. “The theory behind the law is right. But if these powers are to be used to seize the assets of — to take an extreme example — fare dodgers or council tax defaulters, it is very difficult to see how those theoretical aims are being met.

“The extension of these powers should be monitored very closely. The spectre of counter-terrorism powers being used to monitor people’s bin- filling habits, or what school they’re trying to send their children to, should be cautionary.”

Indeed they fucking should.

Talk about driving a coach and horses through democracy and justice. I’ll say it again.

FUCK YOU LABOUR, YOU JACKBOOTED, NATION WRECKING FASCIST CUNTS.

Fuck this bullshit country.

AJ

One of those days…

My earlier communiqués may have alluded to my less than glittering mood today.

It has been one of those days where, due to lots of stupid crap going wrong, I’ve temporarily lost the will to live. It’s an inescapable response.

What makes me feel even worse is that I realise that other people have had real tragedy to cope with today. Whereas my boiled egg was overcooked (not literally, you mongs).

A little story that sums up my day:

Ordered new sat-nav on the intermong. Arrived today while I was out. Card left. Courier is 12 miles away – a location that is typically a 20 minute drive away. Except I had to work my way though one of those wonderful sets of road-works.

The courier office closes at 7pm, so I hit the road at 6:10pm.

At 6:25pm, I am 2.2 miles from my destination when I hit a queue of traffic.

At 7pm when the couriers close, I am 1.8 miles from my destination.

At 7.15pm I reach the first point, 1.6 miles from my destination, where I could turn round and head home.

On way home, am stuck behind a bunch of timewasters doing 35 in a 60, on a road with no overtaking opportunities.

I turn off to cut across country, following my nose since I am sans sat-nav.

I hack away in the general direction I need to go. After 7 miles, I re-emerge on the road I turned off earlier, 400yds further down.

Epic fucking fail.

AJ

I love to say I told you so…

Last week, apropos of the angry internet lynch mob whipped up on twatter with the help of Fry and Brown, I wrote this:

And everyone’s aghast at this one column. Why?

An angry mob, whipped up on Twitter with help from Stephen Fry and Derren Brown intimidate the Mail and their advertisers into backing the fuck away from the Moir column.

That’s not justice. It’s just an angry mob. Ocholocracy. I presume this is just the brimming over of the hubris accrued in the Twattersphere from the Carter Ruck ruck. I hope it doesn’t continue to snowball.

As if there aren’t more important battles to fight than what some silly woman has written about a dead celeb.

The success and power of Twitter could easily be its downfall as the media and corporates abandon it to the savages.

Well frottage me frontwards with a fine French tapestry if that there twatter ain’t been and gawn and done it again.

Courtesy of Steve Shark:

These days I’m always a little worried by what I’ll find in a list of Twitter ‘Trending Topics’.

All too often it signals that a bandwagon’s just rolled by and dozens of fuckwits have jumped on it.

One of today’s offerings is ‘#aagill’.

A A Gill – author and restaurant critic – has just confessed to shooting a balloon bassoon baboon.

Smell that?

Yes, it’s the heady reek of moral outrage.

And Constantly Furious:

AA Gill, the journalist and restaurant critic, wrote a typically amusing piece for the Sunday Times this weekend, which included a description of how he’d – while in Africa – shot a wild baboon.

Naturally, a huge contingent of weeping bunny huggers have railed against the horror of this act, and yet another fucking vast Twitter witch-hunt has begun. This time the tag is not #janmoir – Twitter ‘got’ her – but #aagill. Yeah, Gill, you’re next.

Fucking mongonet.

AJ

UTA:

I’ve a feeling I’ll be needing this again in the future.

Dip once in the ass, and once in the mouth…

Murmurings abound about a ‘double dip’ recession.

Recent economic figures caused much consternation, if little surprise.

Now, Brown’s saying we’ll be back in growth by the end of 2009:

And here’s where the much anticipated double dip will enter it’s second phase of decline.

For the nation as a whole, it has been a year of shitty news on the economy, hectoring from the state about every damned thing we do, utter desperation about the state of education, the NHS, justice, law & order and the ghastly corruption, venality and greed of our elected ‘representatives’. Faith in democracy is draining away. People are fucking pissed off. Depressed. Deprived of joy.

In the meantime, a bunch of people have moved onto tracker mortgages at tasty rates, freeing up disposable income (but not for paying down capital, natch).

In this society, many people acquire and consume goods as an abstract pursuit. An end in itself, which satiates psychological needs imbued by aggressive and invasive advertising. Tis a given, right?

These factors combined with the continuing availability of (not cheap) credit cards will fuel a Christmas consumer binge. We know that much of the economic growth in the last 10 years has been driven by insane consumerism. This binge will drag the economy back on to an upward trajectory. But only for Q4 ‘09.

In January, we’ll all sober up from our binge, open our bank statements and discover we’re gonna have to eat tinned beans on Tesco value toast until payday.

At which point the economy falls back into diminution. Brown’s getting on with the job of taking the tough decisions and, wait.. what?  just fuck off, you shameful bunch of nation-wrecking cunts.

Oh and it wouldn’t be the first time Gordo’s economic snake-oil has given us a W-shaped graph.

Although now that I think about it, rather than a W, it looks like a pair of tits, doesn’t it?

AJ

Let the bad times roll…

Brown’s already been talking about “Labour economic recovery.”

Ho hum.

AJ

Animal Crackers…

.. or “denormalising pets”

I’m obliged to SteveShark for pointing out this piece in the New Scientist (Ha!).

How green is your pet?

SHOULD owning a great dane make you as much of an eco-outcast as an SUV driver? Yes it should, say Robert and Brenda Vale, two architects who specialise in sustainable living at Victoria University of Wellington in New Zealand. In their new book, Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living, they compare the ecological footprints of a menagerie of popular pets with those of various other lifestyle choices – and the critters do not fare well.

:sigh: orly?

As well as guzzling resources, cats and dogs devastate wildlife populations, spread disease and add to pollution. It is time to take eco-stock of our pets.

Nature is red in tooth and claw, not green, fuckwits. Now to compare apples to quasars.

An SUV – the Vales used a 4.6-litre Toyota Land Cruiser in their comparison – driven a modest 10,000 kilometres a year, uses 55.1 gigajoules, which includes the energy required both to fuel and to build it. One hectare of land can produce approximately 135 gigajoules of energy per year, so the Land Cruiser’s eco-footprint is about 0.41 hectares – less than half that of a medium-sized dog.

But why stop there, with this valid, insightful and oh.. completely fucking barmy analysis.

Doing similar calculations for a variety of pets and their foods, the Vales found that cats have an eco-footprint of about 0.15 hectares (slightly less than a Volkswagen Golf), hamsters come in at 0.014 hectares apiece (buy two, and you might as well have bought a plasma TV) and canaries half that. Even a goldfish requires 0.00034 hectares (3.4 square metres) of land to sustain it, giving it an ecological fin-print equal to two cellphones.

But what kind of muongs are going to take this shit seriously?

Ah…

This kind of analysis appeals to David Mackay, a physicist at the University of Cambridge and the UK government’s new energy adviser.

Fuck it. Calculate the carbon footprint of traffic wardens I feed to my pteradon, motherfucker.

He believes we should put as much thought into choosing a pet as we do into buying a car.

Actually, I always have done. I don’t care what colour my car is. But do you think I want a blue, green or silver cat? (actually a silver cat would be kinda cool).

"If a lifestyle choice uses more than 1 per cent of your energy footprint, then it is worthwhile reflecting on that choice and seeing what you can do about it," he says.

Okay then. Here’s what I can do. I can look at my bank account and decide “Yup, I pay for what I use. I can afford to use more if I fucking want to, you self-righteous cunts.”

"Pets definitely deserve attention: by my estimates, the energy footprint of a cat is about 2 per cent of the average British person’s energy footprint – and it’s bigger for most dogs."

So let me get this right. You’ve opened the door for sneery cunts to judge me for having cats. Well, fuck you very very much, David Mackay.

Back to the tooth and claw thing though.

Then there are the other environmental impacts of pets. Every year, for example, the UK’s 7.7 million cats kill over 188 million wild animals (Mammal Review, vol 33, p 174). That works out at about 25 birds, mammals and frogs per cat. Similar figures have emerged from surveys in the US and Australia.

Oh noes!! Perhaps we should regulate wildlife. You know, all squirrels have to carry an ID card. Cats will have a ration card for mice. Dogs will only be permitted to chase hybrid cars.

There is also a knock-on effect because cats feasting on wildlife can leave wild predators such as hawks and weasels short of food.

I think not. The local raptors and corvids love to mop up the remains of what my cats kill, be it rabbits, mice, rats, or other birds. I also put all waste meat out in the garden for them. I also spend circa £25 PCM on peanuts, for everything from squirrels, to deer, to peacocks, finches and woodpeckers.

Back to talking shit:

Cat excrement is particularly toxic. In 2002, it emerged that sea otters along the Californian coast are dying from a brain disease caused by Toxoplasma gondii. The parasite, which is found in cat faeces, ends up in rivers and estuaries thanks to cat owners who flush their cat litter down the toilet or allow their cats to defecate outside. Dolphins and whales are also affected (newscientist.com/article/dn14037).

So what’s the answer? (As if I give a tin shit)

So what is an eco-friendly animal lover to do? If you already have a pet, then changing its diet can help. Meat is the key, since its production is so energy-intensive.

Uh-oh.. here we go.

As well as quantity, think about quality. "If pussy is scoffing ‘Fancy Feast’ – or some other food made from choice cuts of meat – then the relative impact is likely to be high," says Robert Vale. "If, on the other hand, the cat is fed on fish heads and other leftovers from the fishmonger, the impact will be lower."

Uh.. right. Fish-heads.

Cat owners could consider keeping Tiddles indoors. "Cats are nocturnal, so the single most important thing people can do to reduce predation is to keep cats in at night," says Michael Woods of the Mammal Society in Southampton, UK.

See, here’s the thing. That’s deliberately and obviously cruel and unnatural. So it contravenes the legal obligation to care properly for one’s pet. You cunts.

And if you are thinking of acquiring a pet? "Shared pets are the best – the theatre cat or the temple dogs," says Robert Vale. But if you must own your own,

Exfuckingscuse me. If I “must own my own”? Hang on a motherfucking moment, you swallowers of goat semen. How fucking dare you.

Think about getting an animal that serves a dual purpose. He recommends hens, which partly compensate for their eco-footprint by providing eggs.

Yeah, because there’s nothing more comforting for an elderly person living on their own than a chicken curled up at the bottom of the bed.

And if you really want to gouge your own eyes out, read their editorial.  Cute, fluffy and horribly greedy

Cunts.

AJ

UPDATE: In this reductio ad absurdum world, it should come as no surprise that Dunkeegin’s earlier spoof is an alarmingly accurate parallel.

Bitch fight!

Via Ambush Predator and needing nothing in the way of commentary…

Violent crime committed by women has soared since Labour came to power, it is revealed today.

The number of women found guilty of murder, vicious assault and other attacks has risen by 81 per cent since 1998.

The massive increase, revealed in the Government’s own data, means that women are now being convicted at the rate of more than 200 every week.

Murders have more than doubled, life-threatening woundings are up by a fifth and common assault has soared by 151 per cent.

…

Women are fast becoming as likely as men to be caught up in alcohol-fuelled violence in bars and town centres.

Dr David Green, director of the Civitas think-tank, said: ‘The idea of a violent woman really was something of an oddity 15 or 20 years ago.

‘But there has been a trend among a distinct minority of young females to become more like men, and the role models they have chosen to emulate are the worst men, rather than the best.

‘Add to that the drinking, and that adds up to more violence.’

The figures come just days after five women were caught on CCTV kicking and stamping on Matthew Campbell, 38, in a random attack.

One of the women was shown stepping forward and kicking him full in the face.

Then, as he cowered on the floor, he was subjected to a barrage of blows and kicks from the gang.

All the attackers, aged between 21 and 42, are members of the same extended family and had been drinking heavily.

In a separate incident, two 17-year-old girls were arrested after a 62-year-old gay man was beaten to death in Trafalgar Square.

Some 12,573 women were convicted for violence in 2007 – the year covered by the latest figures – compared to 6,937 in 1998. Common assaults were up from 3,209 to 8,068.

…

Violence is now the most common reason for women being arrested in England and Wales, overtaking theft and handling stolen goods.

Well done Jack, Harriet, Tony, Charles, Jacqui. Pat on the back, ‘y’all.

Not.

AJ

Rampant Labour injustice for motorists…

I’m much obliged to the Quiet Man for bringing this to my attention:

 

Drivers will fall victim to reforms which will see people who are acquitted by the courts expected to foot the majority of their own defence costs. It is thought some innocent motorists will plead guilty to reduce their costs.

Currently, somebody who is cleared of a motoring offence can expect to be reimbursed most, if not all, of the money they spend clearing their name.

…

Couldn’t possibly affect me or thee, could it?…

According to the Ministry of Justice’s own statistics, 24 per cent of 1.4 million motorists prosecuted in the courts in 2007 were cleared. It meant that nearly 380,000 motorists recouped about 80 per cent of their costs.

Under the new arrangements, which come into force next month, acquitted defendants will only get a fraction of their money back.

The reimbursement of lawyers’ fees is being limited to the legal aid rate of £60 an hour – around a quarter of the what is normally charged.

Defending a speeding case can cost at least £2,000, so under the new system an acquitted driver would be reimbursed just £600.

Legal fees for a drink-driving case can run between £5,000 and £10,000, and the reforms will mean that a driver walking free from court could have to pay as much as £7,000 from their own pocket.

Once again the party of the working man makes justice accessible only to the wealthy. Fucking cunts.

And lets not forget that a lot of motoring prosecutions are the result of police targets and indiscriminate automatic devices, where previously, a traffic copper would have just ‘had a word’. The fines we are faced with are nothing more than extorted taxation, which means that the targets are on a non-stop escalator.

Think the Tories will fix this? Bollocks they will. They were the cunts who introduced speed cameras in the first place.

AJ

UPDATE: Sign the Downing Street Petition here.

Like father, like son…

Just an arrogant, inept, self-righteous, commie chip off the block.

If Hilary Benn had any sense of public accountability he would resign. But the Environment Secretary will no doubt cling on until the bitter end, despite the fact that the National Audit Office believes he has presided over a "masterclass of misadministration".

This is strong language from the suits who have been checking up on the two bodies that directly affect farmers’ livelihoods – the Rural Payments Agency and the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. But I would go further: Britain’s rural bureaucracy is responsible for a £620 million orgy of ineptitude.

You do surprise me. A minister in this shower of twats proving to be inept?

And there are the paw-prints of that hideous inflatable Barbara Cartland-alike Margaret Beckett all over this, too.

But, thanks in part to the hideously complicated system that Margaret Beckett – one of Benn’s predecessors – imposed, the RPA has made a right Horlicks of the task.

A hideously complex system, you say? You mean like the UK having THE LONGEST TAX CODE IN THE WORLD?

Fucking idiots.

AJ

We love the NHS…

We really really do… want it broken up and sold off to Rentokil and Tesco.

Almost half of hospitals fail to meet fully the core standards of care despite a decade of Government investment in the NHS, according to the health regulator’s annual report.

The Care Quality Commission (CQC) warns today that more than 40 health trusts are at risk of being refused new licences to operate, which will be issued next April.

Perhaps if there was a marketplace that drove value and quality through competition? Nah.. couldn’t work, could it.

AJ

1 Crime, 1 Detection. Stats recorded…

Via Hambush.. err Ambush Predator…

Morgan, 31, was arrested and taken from his home in handcuffs at the weekend after his family’s order with their local pizza parlour in Loughor, near Swansea, arrived minus two burgers.

He is due to make a first appearance at Swansea Magistrates’ Court, in south Wales, next Monday.

…

A dispute is alleged to have started after an order of food with a local pizza parlour arrived without the, no doubt, tasty hamburgers.

Mr Morgan claims it was agreed the group should wait for the rest of the order, he told the South Wales Evening Post.

A dispute is alleged to have started with a delivery man who came to the house later, and £15 compensation was eventually paid out, he claims.

What follows remains unclear, however police visited the address later that evening and arrested Mr Morgan on suspicion of robbery.

He was taken to Swansea Central police station where he was questioned about the incident and held overnight.

A South Wales Police spokesman confirmed that a 31-year-old man was arrested on Saturday evening and has since been charged with causing criminal damage to food valued at £5.

See the title of the post and go ask any of the blogging coppers if I’m wrong.

Looking forward to hearing the outcome of this. If I had the day off, I’d go sit in the public gallery to hear the judge… lol.

AJ

It’s us little people who are gonna be fucked again, here, isn’t it…

So what? Well I’ve banked with RBS for 20 years, for my sins. This last year of fucktitude not withstanding, they’ve been pretty good.

And now the EU wants to fuck everything around, which will no doubt cause some hassle for me, whether it’s losing access to branches, or worse, my account being moved to NatWest (and going back to square one with the ‘how long have you been with your bank?’ question, not to mention the persistently inferior NatWest customer service ethos).

Royal Bank of Scotland could be made to sell more than 300 branches by the European Commission as a penalty for receiving billions of pounds of state aid. Negotiations between the Treasury, the Commission and RBS, which is 70 per cent owned by the taxpayer, were last night intensifying.

The Government is understood to back a plan which would involve RBS giving up its 312 branches under the RBS brand in England and Wales. It would keep its NatWest branches.

RBS has made plans to re-brand its RBS network south of the border under the Williams and Glyn’s name, a brand that disappeared from the high street 24 years ago.

Neelie Kroes, EU Competition Commissioner, may want to push RBS even further. Although her term of office expires at the end of the month, the Commission can continue to make decisions on state aid after that date.RBS’s 30 per cent share of the small business banking market has come under intense scrutiny by Brussels.

Why is the EU having to step in an do this? Why didn’t the UK competition (M&M) people speak up when all this shit was happening last autumn? I certainly had concerns that these problems would emerge.

And if you’re with Lloyds (and probably HBOS), you’re gonna get the same fucktwattery coming your way.

Lloyds Banking Group, 43 per cent owned by the taxpayer, is under pressure by the Commission to shrink its share of personal accounts, where it is the No 1 operator in Britain with 22 million customers.

Because we all know what that means – it means millions of people who have banked with LTSB/HBOS for years are going to get letters saying ‘we no longer want your custom’ – and naturally it’ll be the least revenue-rich customers.. OAPs, students, low paid etc. We’ve been moving back towards a situation in which a significant minority can’t get a bank account at all – without which you’re pretty much fucked in this day and age. This cannot possibly improve things.

As an aside, it may probably won’t interest you to know that LTSB/HBOS (Lloyds Banking Group as they are now) are going through a business integration and rationalisation process at the moment. I’ve long believed this to be a dangerous strategy, in light of the competition implications of the blizzard of consolidation that occurred last year. Which is why the altogether more sensible Nationwide Building Society isn’t doing any integration of the other building societies they acquired last year – they’re ring fencing it all, realising that the costs of integration are not defrayed by sufficient benefits, given the likelihood that these mega-banks (and building socs) are inevitably going to be broken up again at some point.

Whatever.

AJ

Another Nannying Supermeerkat…

Just days after a pregnant woman was refused service at Sainsbury’s cheese counter…

I need of no words, but those spewed forth by Constantly Furious. I do hope he’ll tolerate my reposting his work. After all, better to beg for forgiveness than to seek permission.

Can I have a drink, Nanny?

The Observer tells this sorry tale of Nanny State and her equally stupid sister, Nanny Corporation, and their latest misguided idiocy:

Management consultant Jackie Slater thought she was completing a normal shopping trip to Morrisons until the checkout assistant demanded to see her ID before scanning two bottles of wine.

"I told her I was really flattered, but I was the wrong side of 50," she said. But the assistant pointed to her 17-year-old daughter, Emily, and her 18-year-old niece, Annice, who were standing at the end of the checkout chatting.

"She asked: ‘Are they with you?’ I said they’d come to help me carry the bags back to the car. The assistant said: ‘You could be buying the wine for them. It’s the policy – I have to see everyone’s ID to make sure they are all over 18′."

In vain, Mrs Slater insisted that the wine was for herself and her husband, Peter. But the assistant and then the store manager refused to budge.

Nor was their decision deemed an over-enthusiastic interpretation of company rules. Morrisons’ head office last week backed the store.

"Head Office last week backed the store"? What the fuck? Now, this is the sort of mindless corporate stupidity that really boils CF’s piss. How dare you, till girl? How dare you, you spotty trainee store manager? How dare you, purveyors-of-battery-hens-to-the-masses Morrisons?

How fucking dare you unilaterally decide what a grown woman – a customer – might or might not do with the stuff you sell them, and refuse them on that basis?

Obviously, you had at the back of your tiny, greasy, hair-netted minds the fact (and it is a fact) that the legal age for the purchase of alcohol from an off-licence, store or supermarket is 18.

But Emily, 17, wasn’t actually trying to buy it, was she? She was, apparently, ’standing at the end of the check out’. Not offering a wad of notes and a loyalty card to the gurning imbecile behind the till, who fancied being sheriff for a while. What would you have done, you fuckwitted Morrisons jobsworth, if she’d been just a bit further away? Where do you draw your arbitrary authoritarian line?

  "This wine is not for the person I can see sitting in that car over there, is it?"

  "You’re not buying this wine for the child I saw with you last week, are you?"

  "Married, are you, Madam? Any kids? What sort of age would they be then?"

But no, you decided what was going on all alone, didn’t you? Had to see "everyone’s ID", didn’t you, till girl? What exactly did that mean, in your small, addled X-factor-and-Heat-magazine-filled brain?  Everyone in ‘your’ checkout line? Everyone in ‘your’ shop? Everyone, perhaps, in the fucking country? Imagine the power, the responsibility.

It is, of course, possible that having bought the wine Mrs Slater may have taken it home and shared with it any number of people. Including Emily, her daughter. But get this, Morrisons, as you would all know if you had more brains than God gave the most retarded goose, that would have been perfectly fucking legal.

Even if Emily had been 10 years old, instead of 17, she would be legally allowed to consume alcohol at home. That is also the law. The law you deluded yourselves you were bravely upholding.

So, rather than saying the wine was for herself, Mrs Slater could legitimately have said. "No, the wine is for my daughter. She is going to drive me home, then consume the entire bottle herself." And you would still have had no fucking grounds for withholding it. It’s nothing to do with you, see? You’re a bloody shop, not the moral fucking maze.

Dear God, the fuckwittery.

Coincidentally, CF’s eldest daughter is 17 years old, and he’s taking her for a driving lesson later this afternoon. Perhaps on the way back, we’ll stop in at Morrisons, and get a bottle of wine for tonight. She prefers white.

Unreal isn’t it.

AJ