Having recently been through a challenging patch in my personal life, my drafts folder has, of late, filled up with such wretched and bitter entries as ‘What are women for?’, ‘A man needs a woman like a cat needs an iPhone’ and ‘Are poofs any less annoying than women? I’m thinking of a change.’
Anyway… There’s clearly light at the end of the tunnel, because the two most excellent, funny and incisive blog posts I’ve read today are by women, and Mummylonglegs is in a sustained period of superior postings. Let’s start with this excellent spot by her…
I never for one minute expected to encounter a real live pig in Parliament, but I guess these days it is safer to assume that anything is possible in the halls of Wastemonster. Today Labour MP Rosie Cooper has had to defend her expenses claims.
Size 16 female Labour MP claims crisps, doughnuts and a whole tuck shop full of goodies on her expenses
Ms Cooper decided not to use the same excuses as all the other troughing pigs. She used the fail safe fat fuckers excuse instead.
But Ms Cooper insisted last night that the junk food purchases were made for an unpaid Westminster intern.
Yep she bought all of that lard arse land whale fuel for someone else. No doubt she also ‘never eats breakfast, only snacks on fruit and veg and has a small but healthy evening meal’. Sadly this doesn’t help her lose weight because she suffers from ‘big bones, an under active thyroid, a genetic disposition to being fat and of course, the debilitating sleep disorder NES.
Of course, it goes without saying that Ms Legs is a perfect size 8, with the mores of a nun, and modesty is the only barrier to her appearance on the cover of Marie Claire. ;-)
On, then, to The New Adventures of Juliette, to whom I was pointed by The Devil. Juliette has a particularly welcome confession to share.
I’m about to make a fairly radical comment here
I can’t stand Labour.
Whether it’s Old Labour, New Labour or sort of Middle Aged But Young At Heart Labour, it gets on my bloody nerves. And it always has done
Normally, anyone who fancies themself as a bit on the intellectual or satirical side is duty-bound to say the exact opposite. Labour is my bestest friend. And Convervatives are stupid/boring/ ugly/unsexy/smell of poo-poo/have nits/can’t play with us.
Well, sorry. But – while I’m no great pom-pom carrying cheerleader for the Right (and I still think George Osbourne is Central Casting’s ideal choice for a Home Counties Patrick Bateman) – the fact is, I hate the Left a whole lot more.
There are many vices in this world I can happily tolerate.
However, hypocrisy is not one of them.
And the Left is absolutely crawling with the stuff. Exuding it from every sanctimonious pore
…
IMHO, all politicians without exception are dodgy, thieving, lying wankers who care about exactly two things – getting elected, and getting rich(er).
The only difference is that the right are (very slightly) less hypocritical and annoying about it.
…
Here are my top reasons why the right-on left wing sucks…
1) Polly Toynbee
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2) John Prescott
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3) Virginia/Harriet/Jacqui/Margaret/Hazel/Thing
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4) The Observer On Sunday Magazine Section
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5) Polly Toynbee
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6) The Right-On Teachers Of My Youth
I implore you to click through and read the whole of the post. It was, of course, Juliette who redefined the way we look at Cameron, when she wrote:
David Cameron is actually a freshly boiled and buttered new potato with a smug, annoying little face drawn on it with a biro. Designed by the same dark CGI arts that created Piers Morgan.
Quality.
AJ
